|
|
Post by AshVersion2 on Mar 20, 2007 11:57:30 GMT -5
Nice. ;D
|
|
|
|
Post by isilwen on Mar 23, 2007 23:51:31 GMT -5
nice to which part? the staying in a cabin with only guys, the almost getting tied to a post, the argument with ethan, or the fact that this thread is back where it's supposed to be for the time being?
anyway ... I was having a pretty good day ... until I found out that Den quit writing in the joint story he and a couple other guys were writing with me ... and I realized that several of my friends were supposed to call me back this week, and none of them did ... and now I think I'm gonna sign off and cry myself to sleep ... not an uncommon thing for me, but more common when I feel this alone and forgotten ...
on the up side of things, however ... we almost reached our goal of 1000 cases at work today, and I'm this far *holds pointer finger and thumb with the tips about an inch apart* from getting a promotion at work ... if my dad fires the other employee, I get to move up to his position ... but I know more than him about the machine and computer programs anyway ...
|
|
|
|
Post by isilwen on Mar 25, 2007 11:50:37 GMT -5
and I come online today because I'm overly bored ... and Ethan's the only one online .... so I get tormented for an hour before he leaves me ... life's pretty boring without some tormenting occassionally
|
|
|
|
Post by isilwen on Apr 4, 2007 22:57:23 GMT -5
let's see ... since I was last on, one of my best friends was diagnosed with cancer, and chances are, she won't live through it ... no matter how bright her attitude is and how high we raise our hopes. I refuse to raise mine because I hate being disappointed, but I believe God can work miracles. The last person I knew that got cancer died within a year ... he was only 8.
stuff like that got me thinking about how short life actually is ... depressing thought, but true nevertheless. My first best friend was killed when I was 4 (so was she), my grandpa died when I was a couple months old, two of my great-grandmas died during my junior year in high school, the 8-yr-old I babysat died from leukemia, my dad almost died from blood clots ... twice, my other grandpa almost died from a heart attack or stroke, my brother got a hernia and could have died from that, my mom has gotten close to suicide several times (as have most of my high school friends), and now Courtney has Hodgkins Lymphoma ... it never ends!!!
I try not to be emo ... I really do ...
|
|
|
|
Post by isilwen on Apr 11, 2007 21:47:58 GMT -5
so ... yeah ... life has lost all sweetness this week ... no candy ... working on cars is far less fun ... except that I'm gonna have a Ford Explorer with a 7 inch lift kit and large tires by the end of next week (we probably aren't getting any candy for a while ...)
|
|
|
|
Post by isilwen on Apr 16, 2007 20:46:20 GMT -5
yeah ... no candy this week either ... my truck might actually run and drive by next week ... it's lifted now ....
I hate not working at the plant ... I can't remember what day of the week it is, life is boring ... wait ... what am I saying? I don't have a life ... and no one wants to talk to me when I come online ...
|
|
|
|
Post by isilwen on Jun 11, 2007 21:14:32 GMT -5
ok ... so I haven't posted in here in almost 2 months ... I've been busy hurting myself ... what can I say? It just happens. I threw a birthday party for a couple friends Monday through Tuesday last week and ended up re-opening emotional wounds ... not fun. Wednesday and Thursday, I was emotionally scarred by my father/boss who called me worthless and hamburger-brained ... I seriously thought about running to California where I'd never be found by my family. Friday I was so anti-social, I sold concessions by myself and hardly talked to anyone the whole night. Saturday, I told a friend that if he didn't call me back, I would no longer hang out with him ... he called and we hung out for the afternoon and night ... that re-opened more emotional wounds I'd hoped were healed. Yesterday and today, I decided I was going to come on here and another site as long as no one else was on ... I'm extremely anti-social and hating myself for it. I've been seriously concidering getting a tattoo that most of my friends don't agree with ... and all I really want to do anymore is curl into a corner and cry ... I know, depression isn't a good thing, but I'm tired of fighting ... again ...
I think it's time to sign off before someone else comes on ...
|
|
|
|
Post by isilwen on Jun 19, 2007 17:16:11 GMT -5
ok ... so I'm done being anti-social for a while ... and I'm realizing just how many stories I'm writing/editing ... I don't know how I'm going to keep all 10 of them straight ... and I'm thinking about adding a couple more to that ... what's wrong with me?
let's see ... a topic ... um ... how about relationships ... I was IMing a friend the other night talking about it, and he said romance has gone down the drain since Shakespeare because of one of my comments ... the last time a guy liked me, he was angry at himself and me for it. He hurt me pretty deep, and the way I describe the pain he caused was: it's like sticking me in the gut with a dagger, smiling menacingly while looking me directly in the eyes, then twisting the blade. (I left the middle part out when I told the friend I was chatting with ...) Denithar knows the guy of which I speak ... he and I went to college with the guy. No one realizes that a wound like that is slowly and painfully killing me. It's a wound that can be hidden for a while, but eventually, it will bleed through the bandage and shirt, so to speak. That's part of the pain I went through at the party a couple weeks ago ...
|
|
|
|
Post by isilwen on Jul 8, 2007 13:00:23 GMT -5
I guess this would be the place for me to rant about my friends ... who won't stop calling me emo ...
I got very upset with some of them the other day because I don't think of myself as emo, though I don't have any problem with others being emo. I'm just not the type of person that can properly be emo ... it's impossible to be truly Christian and truly emo at the same time. I figured that out through personal experience while I was in college. It just drives me nuts that whenever I get a little down on life, I'm instantly labelled 'emo'
|
|
|
|
Post by Denithar on Jul 8, 2007 16:04:04 GMT -5
I am sorry Isilwen. Labels can be very discouraging. Somebody that I can't recall said that what you label someone else as tells more about you than it does about that person.
And I read your previous posts and spent a long time trying to think of something to say, but could think of nothing. That friend you speak of who hurt you is very dear to me. However, he can be a fool. I wish I knew how to bring you two into friendly relations again.
|
|
|
|
Post by isilwen on Jul 9, 2007 21:03:35 GMT -5
Thanks, Den. I actually started the healing process about a week or so ago. I haven't really talked to him since, but I'm hoping it'll heal to its fullest with a little more time.
|
|
|
|
Post by Denithar on Jul 9, 2007 21:31:26 GMT -5
 I am happy to hear that you are healing. So, how is the decision on a college major going?
|
|
|
|
Post by isilwen on Jul 10, 2007 23:12:57 GMT -5
I haven't gotten any furthur in that decision ... I think I'll stick with my music ed major for now, and if I get sick of it, I'll major in English and double minor in music and drama or something. We'll see. I think I need another semester at Crown before I actually decide.
|
|
|
|
Post by isilwen on Jul 23, 2007 22:24:11 GMT -5
I was purty excited this weekend cause I got to see a bunch of my college buddies, but life got downright depressing as Sunday came to a conclusion cause I had to go home to my lonesomeness ... my family is depressing, so I avoid them sometimes ... um ...
yeah ... I got to be the boss at work today cause my dad was gone, so that was pretty sweet. I got to tell everyone what to do and not have to worry about being told to do a million things at the same time. My brother couldn't even get mad at me for bossing him around cause it was my duty ;D
at supper, however, I found out that the business is growing faster than I wanted it to ... within the next month, I might be working the night shift (cause we'll need to add one). At least then, I won't have to deal with my dad or my brother (they'll be on the day shift) or my mom (I'll be in bed when she's at her job, and I'll be working when she's at home). I don't want to stay at the job for another semester, though. I need to get out of here and go back to college ... for the sake of my remaining sanity and so I can stay out of the emotional hole I continually find myself struggling to climb back out of.
God, help me ... I can't stay here much longer before the depression virus attacks me again ...
|
|
I am happy to hear that you are healing. So, how is the decision on a college major going?