Post by AshVersion2 on Oct 29, 2006 14:13:21 GMT -5
Some of you may remember this as a one-night bout of insanity between myself and Angie (ah, the days!). We wrote this to amuse ourselves, and it worked splendedly. ;D Each new paragraph is a new writer. I started. Hope you enjoy this once more, or perhaps for the first time!
Duck Tales: A Tale of Two Ducks
Starring: Duke Ducky Duck, The Quack, Ash, Angie, and some dude trying to sell salsa while riding a donkey!
There was mass dispair in the town of Duckville. Duke Ducky Duck was all alone in his castle made out of bread. There was a revolution amoung the townducks in which they felt the castle should feed the people, and not house the royal. The Duke knew not what to do!
Meanwhile, on the other side of town, The Quack was also in dismay. She had woken up to find that she had been plucked by her big brother Quick Quack! She knew not what to do!
With everyone in dispair and not knowing what to do, Angie, the Quack's good friend, came to Ash, Duke Ducky Duck's advisor and mentor, for help. Despite her odd love of commas, Angie was a very rational person and quickly formulated a plan, which she proposed to Ash.
This plan, despite being a compromise on the Quack's and Duke Ducky Duck's part, and possibly because of it, didn't entirely satisfy everyone, but it was the only solution in sight. After a quick chat over tea and biscuits (the American kind, not the British kind, and don't ask why they were having breakfast biscuits with tea) and a small threat dealing with pink footy pajamas, Ash agreed to put the plot into action.
With the threat of footy PJ's in place (after accidently offending Angie by offering British tea and biscuits), Ash approched the Duke cautiously, not knowing what to make of the comprimise
"Um . . . sir?*
*Quack?*
*I was just wondering, well, Angie and I, if you would offer audience with The Quack?*
*Quack? Quacky quack quack!*
*Yes sir, I am aware of the plucking situation-*
*Quack!*
Ash lowers her voice, *You see, sir, they have footy PJs and-*
*QUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!*
*Tomorrow at 2 then?*
The next day The Quack entered his Highness's throneroom with Angie and gave a curt bow before beginning.
*Quackery Quick Quack-*
*Quack?*
Angie jumped in, "She only speaks Spanish. She knows English, but she feels it's barbaric sounding. I will have to translate for you because I doubt she will agree to speak English."
The duke nodded, *Quack...*
*Quackery Quick Quack Quackers.*
Angie translated, "I am a very good architect, in case you haven't heard. I propose, Your Highness, that I rebuild half of your castle with stone (wood would rot with all the water) and give the bread that isn't used anymore to the poor citizens. In return of this favor, I request that you give me the feathers from one of the Royal down pillows so that I will no longer be a plucked duck."
The Duke was outraged. So much so that everyone had to cover their ears to avoid death by overexposure to foul language. Ash steped in to stop the madness,
"Perhaps, sir, it would be wise to think it through?"
"QUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
*I must protest, sir, you are sounding very whiny today!"
The Duke calmed himself and was pleasent once again. Ash continued,
"I am aware that the pillows were made by the late, great King Quackity, but look at this poor creature!"
The Duke looked at her and suddenly realised the sad eyes of The Quack, full of hope, fear. Beauty. Angie decides to step in,
"Surely you can offer her shelter from her evil brother Quick Quack. You are normally such a kind ruler - please?"
*Quacky quack...*
"Oh, Sire, thank you so much. You have no idea how much this means to The Quack!"
Oh, indeed it did mean quite a lot to her. So much that she went out on the royal lawn and began dancing. Perhaps it was her great joy then that made the sky start raining duck feed. At least, that is how it is told in legend.
The Quack came back indoors to find that the Duke had been watching her
"Quack?*
The Duke blushed, "Um . . . Quaucky quack Quick Quack?"
The Quack glared and tried to ruffle her feathers, then remembered that she had none. She began to cry.
She quickly sobered up and asked angrily, *Quicky quackery quackity quack quack quaquack quackers quackerity quack quick quack quickery quick quack?*
Angie shouted a translation from some unseen place in the distance, "So when do I get my feathers?"
The Duke knew this game, *Quack quackers quacky!*
As soon as she finished the work on his palace? But that would take enough time for her to grow them back twice!
All that you could hear of the next few transalations was:
"You first!"
"You first!"
"You first!"
"You first!"
Suddenly, there was a call from outside
"Salsa, get your salsa here!"
The Quack, Duke Ducky Duck, Ash and Angie went to investigate
It was the local donkey-riding salsa man! He could solve any problem and make anyone happy, and that made Angie angry because just then she realized that she wasted her time coming up with her brilliant plan while she could have just asked the salsa man.
Ash said, "Oh, salsa man, can you help us?"
"Got to buy a jar of salsa first! You know the rules."
She dug around in her pockets for loose change and pulled out some very odd objects, none of which were cash.
The Duke got fed up, *Oh Quack!*
He tossed some gold at the salsa man and grabbed a jar.
"Okay, now what's your problem?"
"Duke Ducky Duck and The Quack made an agreement that she would rebuild half of his bread palace with stone so that his citizens are fed and he still gets to keep half. He, in return, agreed to provide her a refuge from her mean brother and give her feathers from his royal down pillows because said brother plucked them yesterday. The only problem is that they can't agree on who should go first."
"Ah, yes, I have a solution. The Quack should start work on the palace-"
At this the Duke grinned (well, it was as much of a grin as a duck can do).
"-and the Duke will give her a certain amount of feathers for every amount of work done so that she will gradually look like a normal duck."
The Quack smiled as the smug look was wiped off the Duke's face.
"Well, does that sound fair enough to you two?"
The two ducks sighed and then agreed
"Excellent!" said the salsa man, "Nice to see that comprimise is still alive. Now, Quack, I suggest that you get to work, Duck Ducky Duck, pillows await, and Ash, I suggest that you put that marshmellow and chocolate-pickle sandwich back in your pocket, along with that miniture time machine and COSINE poster'
Ash blushed and put said items away.
Suddenly, Quick Quack, the Quack's evil brother, jumps out of the bushes! Ash and Angie are so distracted by the salsa man, that only the Duke notices! What's a duck to do?!
Jump in front of The Quack, of course!
The shot from Quick Quack's duck plucking gun hit the Duke right in the chest and knocked him unconscious and now featherless onto The Quack.
Later in the hospital wing of his mansion, he opened his eyes into the bright light coming from the sun outside his window. He chuckled at Ash and Angie argueing about whether or not Ash had stolen Angie's COSINE poster, but what really made him smile was what was sitting next to him.
The featherless Duke Ducky Duck was pleased to see The Quack had written him (using a quill) a get well soon card! At this moment, the Quack walked in, saw that the Duke had noticed the card, blushed, and, with one more comma, walked out again. The Duke smiled to himself and watched Ash and Angie argue once more
The good vibes of this story didn't last long, for a terrible accident happened early the next morning.
The Quack was feeling particularly good the night after the Duke had read her card, so much so that she got up a five a.m. to begin work on rebuilding the palace. As she hummed to her work, she pounded the hammer in just the wrong place, and the room she was working on collapsed on her. What was she to do? She was in a wing that even the maids hardly ever traveled to, and she was loosing more air by the second because a large part of the roof had landed on her chest.
Ten minutes after this travesty, the Duke was awoken, not by the damage, as bread is very silent, but by his need to pee. As he went to the litle duck's room, he looked out of his window and noticed something odd. In fact, it was so odd that he did not notice that he had stopped peeing. Why, is that REALLY a dirty great hole in my wall that I am seeing? Or have Ash and Angie taken their arguement a little too far? He waddled (cos he's a duck, and ducks tend to do that) out of the bathroom, and went to investigate
When he was about halfway to the wing, he realized that people had been staring and chuckling because he had left his pants around his ankles (he waddles anyway, so why would he notice his pants tripping him?). After pulling them up, he sped up his waddling, for he felt that something was truly wrong. When he got to the rubble of bread and royal objects, he had a horrible feeling in his gut, and called out.
*Quack?*
*Duke Ducky Duck? Quack quackery quick quack The Quack!*
Her voice was very weak, even though she sounded just a few feet away. The Duke couldn't help but feel slightly happy that she was speaking English for him instead of Spanish. Ducky Duck tried with all his might to lift a board of hard stale bread.
*Quack quickquack!*
*Quack? Quacky! Quack quickers!*
Alas, it was true. He couldn't get her out; the bread was so old that it had become harder and heavier than stone. He knew his only option would be to go get help, but there was simply no time. Giving the board one last pull, he miraculously managed to pull it off. Somehow, he had chosen the one that was choking The Quack. Though she was still trapped, he knew she would be okay until help arrived.
Alas, just when things were looking up for our heroes, the villain of this story just had to come along - Quick Quack is back!
"QUA-QUA-QUA-QUA!!!" he laughed. At this point all hope seemed lost for the duo. But never fear - Ash and Angie are here! In a matter of seconds, they were able to free The Quack (as people don't have much trouble with bread) and cover the two ducks.
Quick Quack shot his gun. He missed the ducks and hit an object in Ash's pocket. It was . . . the time machine! Where will they end up?!
The now featherless time machine took them to another time that is very different from ours. The four were surrounded by strange objects and creatures, completely unaware of current events and customs.
In other words, not much changed; they had gone ahead in time by two minutes. Luckily, it only took that two minutes for Quick Quack to have the hard bread roof fall onto him and squish him like an old can of peas.
That would be the end of the story, the happily ever after - if Quick Quack hadn't been wearing an old can of peas on his head to protect him in such an event. He raced off, leaving the four looking very confused. At this point, there was another cry from the street,
"Salsa! Salsa!"
They raced to meet who they thought to be the salsa man from before, but in fact it was a man advertising salsa dancing lessons. They went to talk to him anyway.
"I may not be as much help as my brother, but I can still give advice. For a price."
"How many salsa lessons must we take?"
"One week should do it, depending on the severity of your problem. If you toss in dancing shoes, I'll give a good solution."
"Okay, okay. Now here's our story..." Angie then proceeded to tell the entire tale of over 1782 words.
The man thought and plotted until his plothinker broke down, and alas, he came up with a brilliant plan that was almost as good as Angie's from the beginning of our tale (but not quite as good, mind you; he wasn't his brother, after all)...
"Why don't you just get married?"
"QUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Angie fainted (at which point Ash sneaked her COSINE poster back to her) and the two ducks looked at each other in a way which there is no word. Ash decided (once again) to be the rational one
"OK, how would that help?"
"If they marry, then both of them get what they want and together they can overcome Quick Quack in three easy steps:
1) Use my salsa lessons to out dance him into a stae of confusion
2.) Trap his arms by his side with Angie's (not Ash's!) spare COSINE poster.
3.) Use Ash's time machine to send him to the time of the dinosaurs to live with the pterodactyls.
Ducky Duck decided on one thing before the marriage though; he was going to do this right. Therefore, he ran off to go get The Quack an engagement duck feed necklace (they can't wear rings because they have no fingers) and to make the plans for the biggest royal wedding in all of the history of his land.
Of course, because of the Royal wedding that would suppass that of Charles and Diana, Quick Quack just HAD to get in on it! So, in the dead of night, the day before the wedding, and the night after the day that the enagement was announced, he kidnapped The Quack!
Now, even an evil villain wouldn't do that to his own sister, but that didn't really matter because he was adopted anyway. Had very nasty parents. Bad seed, that one.
Upon hearing the horrible news, the salsa men joined forces to become... the Super Salsa Men.
The Super Salsa Men used their Super Dancing Salsa Jar to locate Quick Quack and his captive. They, along with Duke Ducky Duck, Ash and Angie, flew to the scene on the Supercalifredgilistickexpialidocious Cape. A fight broke out. The ducks of the town, who now have increased energy thanks to the new bread rushed to the scene to witness our heroes carry out a rather elabrate salsa dance routine
After they were done, and the little imaginary baby ducks flying around Quick Quack's head were thoroughly confusing him, Angie reluctantly took out her spare COSINE poster to tie up the villian with. Ash then grabbed her time machine from her back pocket and reached for the Big Red Button (dum dum DUM!)...
She pushed the Big Red Button (dum dum DUM!) and they found themselves:
1) In samurai Japan!
2) Tudor times!
3) The creation of the Declaration of Independance!
Eventually, they ended up in the dinosaur times, where they left the evil Quick Quack (the COSINE poster was preserved and found later on by a one J.K Rowling)
They went back to their normal time - the wedding!
As Angie prepared her good friend The Quack for the glorious ceremony that was to be held, she hummed "Here Comes the Duck." As she put the tiara on her head, she noticed the newly feathered duck was shaking and slightly clammy.
"What's wrong, honey? It's your wedding day! You should be happy!"
*Quack quiquackerities quackquick.*
"You've got cold feet?" Angie smiled and jokingly lifted the duck's dress to check, "Oh my, you do..."
Indeed, The Quack's feet were frozen in blocks of ice. They were so heavy, there was surely no way for her to walk down the aisle.
Ash walked into the room to check on the bride
"How's it coming?"
"She's got cold feet!"
"It's just nerves-"
"No, seriously, LOOK!"
Angie showed Ash The Quack's feet
"Oh dear!" Ash exclaimed
"Quickityquacky quack quack quack!"
"Hmmmmm" said Angie, "A large bowl of hot water, hmmmmm . . . "
They thought and thunk until they were almost drunk, and Angie came up with a simple and yet brilliant plan (when are her plans not?).
"I know! Her hair (feather) dryer!"
She dashed off to get it, but it was on the other side of town. Will she make it in time? Who knows? (Seriously, who knows?)
While Angie was faffing about running around town, Ash, in a brilliant stroke of genius, borrowed a hair (feather) dryer from the maid, and melted the ice, which made Angie a bit piffy but oh well. The Quack and Duke Ducky Duck were married and lived happily ever after until the Second Duck Tale - coming soon to a thread near you
THE END
Well, not really. Angie used her fantastic telepathic abilities to send the idea to Ash once she realized that she would never be back in time. So Angie saved the day, and she even had a chance to pick up the wedding cake that everyone had forgotten to get and swing it back to the mansion for the reception.
THE REAL END.
Except Ash had used her time machine already to get the cake and left a fake one so as not to hurt Angie's feelings - so Ash saved the day! Angie made it to the wedding as well, by the way!
THE REAL REAL END AND DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT ANGIE!!!!!
Just after Ash pressed the Post Reply button, Angie tapped her shoulder, making the girl jump ten feet in the air (okay, I'm exaggerating; it was more like twenty). Angie waved the time machine in front of her.
"Oh, that's how it happened, eh?"
And the quarrel continued for a very very long time, and the narrator doesn't feel like going into all the details and giving an exact amount of time that the quarreling continued for, so...
THE REAL END OF THE END OF ETERNITY
Of course, this quarral does not really matter, as this is 'Duck Tales' and NOT 'Ash and Angie Tales' so as long as the ducks are satisfied, I NO LONGER CARE!
(and it seems that I now hold the Guinness World Record for High Jumping)
______________________________________________
Duck Tales: A Tale of Two Ducks
Starring: Duke Ducky Duck, The Quack, Ash, Angie, and some dude trying to sell salsa while riding a donkey!
There was mass dispair in the town of Duckville. Duke Ducky Duck was all alone in his castle made out of bread. There was a revolution amoung the townducks in which they felt the castle should feed the people, and not house the royal. The Duke knew not what to do!
Meanwhile, on the other side of town, The Quack was also in dismay. She had woken up to find that she had been plucked by her big brother Quick Quack! She knew not what to do!
With everyone in dispair and not knowing what to do, Angie, the Quack's good friend, came to Ash, Duke Ducky Duck's advisor and mentor, for help. Despite her odd love of commas, Angie was a very rational person and quickly formulated a plan, which she proposed to Ash.
This plan, despite being a compromise on the Quack's and Duke Ducky Duck's part, and possibly because of it, didn't entirely satisfy everyone, but it was the only solution in sight. After a quick chat over tea and biscuits (the American kind, not the British kind, and don't ask why they were having breakfast biscuits with tea) and a small threat dealing with pink footy pajamas, Ash agreed to put the plot into action.
With the threat of footy PJ's in place (after accidently offending Angie by offering British tea and biscuits), Ash approched the Duke cautiously, not knowing what to make of the comprimise
"Um . . . sir?*
*Quack?*
*I was just wondering, well, Angie and I, if you would offer audience with The Quack?*
*Quack? Quacky quack quack!*
*Yes sir, I am aware of the plucking situation-*
*Quack!*
Ash lowers her voice, *You see, sir, they have footy PJs and-*
*QUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!*
*Tomorrow at 2 then?*
The next day The Quack entered his Highness's throneroom with Angie and gave a curt bow before beginning.
*Quackery Quick Quack-*
*Quack?*
Angie jumped in, "She only speaks Spanish. She knows English, but she feels it's barbaric sounding. I will have to translate for you because I doubt she will agree to speak English."
The duke nodded, *Quack...*
*Quackery Quick Quack Quackers.*
Angie translated, "I am a very good architect, in case you haven't heard. I propose, Your Highness, that I rebuild half of your castle with stone (wood would rot with all the water) and give the bread that isn't used anymore to the poor citizens. In return of this favor, I request that you give me the feathers from one of the Royal down pillows so that I will no longer be a plucked duck."
The Duke was outraged. So much so that everyone had to cover their ears to avoid death by overexposure to foul language. Ash steped in to stop the madness,
"Perhaps, sir, it would be wise to think it through?"
"QUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
*I must protest, sir, you are sounding very whiny today!"
The Duke calmed himself and was pleasent once again. Ash continued,
"I am aware that the pillows were made by the late, great King Quackity, but look at this poor creature!"
The Duke looked at her and suddenly realised the sad eyes of The Quack, full of hope, fear. Beauty. Angie decides to step in,
"Surely you can offer her shelter from her evil brother Quick Quack. You are normally such a kind ruler - please?"
*Quacky quack...*
"Oh, Sire, thank you so much. You have no idea how much this means to The Quack!"
Oh, indeed it did mean quite a lot to her. So much that she went out on the royal lawn and began dancing. Perhaps it was her great joy then that made the sky start raining duck feed. At least, that is how it is told in legend.
The Quack came back indoors to find that the Duke had been watching her
"Quack?*
The Duke blushed, "Um . . . Quaucky quack Quick Quack?"
The Quack glared and tried to ruffle her feathers, then remembered that she had none. She began to cry.
She quickly sobered up and asked angrily, *Quicky quackery quackity quack quack quaquack quackers quackerity quack quick quack quickery quick quack?*
Angie shouted a translation from some unseen place in the distance, "So when do I get my feathers?"
The Duke knew this game, *Quack quackers quacky!*
As soon as she finished the work on his palace? But that would take enough time for her to grow them back twice!
All that you could hear of the next few transalations was:
"You first!"
"You first!"
"You first!"
"You first!"
Suddenly, there was a call from outside
"Salsa, get your salsa here!"
The Quack, Duke Ducky Duck, Ash and Angie went to investigate
It was the local donkey-riding salsa man! He could solve any problem and make anyone happy, and that made Angie angry because just then she realized that she wasted her time coming up with her brilliant plan while she could have just asked the salsa man.
Ash said, "Oh, salsa man, can you help us?"
"Got to buy a jar of salsa first! You know the rules."
She dug around in her pockets for loose change and pulled out some very odd objects, none of which were cash.
The Duke got fed up, *Oh Quack!*
He tossed some gold at the salsa man and grabbed a jar.
"Okay, now what's your problem?"
"Duke Ducky Duck and The Quack made an agreement that she would rebuild half of his bread palace with stone so that his citizens are fed and he still gets to keep half. He, in return, agreed to provide her a refuge from her mean brother and give her feathers from his royal down pillows because said brother plucked them yesterday. The only problem is that they can't agree on who should go first."
"Ah, yes, I have a solution. The Quack should start work on the palace-"
At this the Duke grinned (well, it was as much of a grin as a duck can do).
"-and the Duke will give her a certain amount of feathers for every amount of work done so that she will gradually look like a normal duck."
The Quack smiled as the smug look was wiped off the Duke's face.
"Well, does that sound fair enough to you two?"
The two ducks sighed and then agreed
"Excellent!" said the salsa man, "Nice to see that comprimise is still alive. Now, Quack, I suggest that you get to work, Duck Ducky Duck, pillows await, and Ash, I suggest that you put that marshmellow and chocolate-pickle sandwich back in your pocket, along with that miniture time machine and COSINE poster'
Ash blushed and put said items away.
Suddenly, Quick Quack, the Quack's evil brother, jumps out of the bushes! Ash and Angie are so distracted by the salsa man, that only the Duke notices! What's a duck to do?!
Jump in front of The Quack, of course!
The shot from Quick Quack's duck plucking gun hit the Duke right in the chest and knocked him unconscious and now featherless onto The Quack.
Later in the hospital wing of his mansion, he opened his eyes into the bright light coming from the sun outside his window. He chuckled at Ash and Angie argueing about whether or not Ash had stolen Angie's COSINE poster, but what really made him smile was what was sitting next to him.
The featherless Duke Ducky Duck was pleased to see The Quack had written him (using a quill) a get well soon card! At this moment, the Quack walked in, saw that the Duke had noticed the card, blushed, and, with one more comma, walked out again. The Duke smiled to himself and watched Ash and Angie argue once more
The good vibes of this story didn't last long, for a terrible accident happened early the next morning.
The Quack was feeling particularly good the night after the Duke had read her card, so much so that she got up a five a.m. to begin work on rebuilding the palace. As she hummed to her work, she pounded the hammer in just the wrong place, and the room she was working on collapsed on her. What was she to do? She was in a wing that even the maids hardly ever traveled to, and she was loosing more air by the second because a large part of the roof had landed on her chest.
Ten minutes after this travesty, the Duke was awoken, not by the damage, as bread is very silent, but by his need to pee. As he went to the litle duck's room, he looked out of his window and noticed something odd. In fact, it was so odd that he did not notice that he had stopped peeing. Why, is that REALLY a dirty great hole in my wall that I am seeing? Or have Ash and Angie taken their arguement a little too far? He waddled (cos he's a duck, and ducks tend to do that) out of the bathroom, and went to investigate
When he was about halfway to the wing, he realized that people had been staring and chuckling because he had left his pants around his ankles (he waddles anyway, so why would he notice his pants tripping him?). After pulling them up, he sped up his waddling, for he felt that something was truly wrong. When he got to the rubble of bread and royal objects, he had a horrible feeling in his gut, and called out.
*Quack?*
*Duke Ducky Duck? Quack quackery quick quack The Quack!*
Her voice was very weak, even though she sounded just a few feet away. The Duke couldn't help but feel slightly happy that she was speaking English for him instead of Spanish. Ducky Duck tried with all his might to lift a board of hard stale bread.
*Quack quickquack!*
*Quack? Quacky! Quack quickers!*
Alas, it was true. He couldn't get her out; the bread was so old that it had become harder and heavier than stone. He knew his only option would be to go get help, but there was simply no time. Giving the board one last pull, he miraculously managed to pull it off. Somehow, he had chosen the one that was choking The Quack. Though she was still trapped, he knew she would be okay until help arrived.
Alas, just when things were looking up for our heroes, the villain of this story just had to come along - Quick Quack is back!
"QUA-QUA-QUA-QUA!!!" he laughed. At this point all hope seemed lost for the duo. But never fear - Ash and Angie are here! In a matter of seconds, they were able to free The Quack (as people don't have much trouble with bread) and cover the two ducks.
Quick Quack shot his gun. He missed the ducks and hit an object in Ash's pocket. It was . . . the time machine! Where will they end up?!
The now featherless time machine took them to another time that is very different from ours. The four were surrounded by strange objects and creatures, completely unaware of current events and customs.
In other words, not much changed; they had gone ahead in time by two minutes. Luckily, it only took that two minutes for Quick Quack to have the hard bread roof fall onto him and squish him like an old can of peas.
That would be the end of the story, the happily ever after - if Quick Quack hadn't been wearing an old can of peas on his head to protect him in such an event. He raced off, leaving the four looking very confused. At this point, there was another cry from the street,
"Salsa! Salsa!"
They raced to meet who they thought to be the salsa man from before, but in fact it was a man advertising salsa dancing lessons. They went to talk to him anyway.
"I may not be as much help as my brother, but I can still give advice. For a price."
"How many salsa lessons must we take?"
"One week should do it, depending on the severity of your problem. If you toss in dancing shoes, I'll give a good solution."
"Okay, okay. Now here's our story..." Angie then proceeded to tell the entire tale of over 1782 words.
The man thought and plotted until his plothinker broke down, and alas, he came up with a brilliant plan that was almost as good as Angie's from the beginning of our tale (but not quite as good, mind you; he wasn't his brother, after all)...
"Why don't you just get married?"
"QUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Angie fainted (at which point Ash sneaked her COSINE poster back to her) and the two ducks looked at each other in a way which there is no word. Ash decided (once again) to be the rational one
"OK, how would that help?"
"If they marry, then both of them get what they want and together they can overcome Quick Quack in three easy steps:
1) Use my salsa lessons to out dance him into a stae of confusion
2.) Trap his arms by his side with Angie's (not Ash's!) spare COSINE poster.
3.) Use Ash's time machine to send him to the time of the dinosaurs to live with the pterodactyls.
Ducky Duck decided on one thing before the marriage though; he was going to do this right. Therefore, he ran off to go get The Quack an engagement duck feed necklace (they can't wear rings because they have no fingers) and to make the plans for the biggest royal wedding in all of the history of his land.
Of course, because of the Royal wedding that would suppass that of Charles and Diana, Quick Quack just HAD to get in on it! So, in the dead of night, the day before the wedding, and the night after the day that the enagement was announced, he kidnapped The Quack!
Now, even an evil villain wouldn't do that to his own sister, but that didn't really matter because he was adopted anyway. Had very nasty parents. Bad seed, that one.
Upon hearing the horrible news, the salsa men joined forces to become... the Super Salsa Men.
The Super Salsa Men used their Super Dancing Salsa Jar to locate Quick Quack and his captive. They, along with Duke Ducky Duck, Ash and Angie, flew to the scene on the Supercalifredgilistickexpialidocious Cape. A fight broke out. The ducks of the town, who now have increased energy thanks to the new bread rushed to the scene to witness our heroes carry out a rather elabrate salsa dance routine
After they were done, and the little imaginary baby ducks flying around Quick Quack's head were thoroughly confusing him, Angie reluctantly took out her spare COSINE poster to tie up the villian with. Ash then grabbed her time machine from her back pocket and reached for the Big Red Button (dum dum DUM!)...
She pushed the Big Red Button (dum dum DUM!) and they found themselves:
1) In samurai Japan!
2) Tudor times!
3) The creation of the Declaration of Independance!
Eventually, they ended up in the dinosaur times, where they left the evil Quick Quack (the COSINE poster was preserved and found later on by a one J.K Rowling)
They went back to their normal time - the wedding!
As Angie prepared her good friend The Quack for the glorious ceremony that was to be held, she hummed "Here Comes the Duck." As she put the tiara on her head, she noticed the newly feathered duck was shaking and slightly clammy.
"What's wrong, honey? It's your wedding day! You should be happy!"
*Quack quiquackerities quackquick.*
"You've got cold feet?" Angie smiled and jokingly lifted the duck's dress to check, "Oh my, you do..."
Indeed, The Quack's feet were frozen in blocks of ice. They were so heavy, there was surely no way for her to walk down the aisle.
Ash walked into the room to check on the bride
"How's it coming?"
"She's got cold feet!"
"It's just nerves-"
"No, seriously, LOOK!"
Angie showed Ash The Quack's feet
"Oh dear!" Ash exclaimed
"Quickityquacky quack quack quack!"
"Hmmmmm" said Angie, "A large bowl of hot water, hmmmmm . . . "
They thought and thunk until they were almost drunk, and Angie came up with a simple and yet brilliant plan (when are her plans not?).
"I know! Her hair (feather) dryer!"
She dashed off to get it, but it was on the other side of town. Will she make it in time? Who knows? (Seriously, who knows?)
While Angie was faffing about running around town, Ash, in a brilliant stroke of genius, borrowed a hair (feather) dryer from the maid, and melted the ice, which made Angie a bit piffy but oh well. The Quack and Duke Ducky Duck were married and lived happily ever after until the Second Duck Tale - coming soon to a thread near you
THE END
Well, not really. Angie used her fantastic telepathic abilities to send the idea to Ash once she realized that she would never be back in time. So Angie saved the day, and she even had a chance to pick up the wedding cake that everyone had forgotten to get and swing it back to the mansion for the reception.
THE REAL END.
Except Ash had used her time machine already to get the cake and left a fake one so as not to hurt Angie's feelings - so Ash saved the day! Angie made it to the wedding as well, by the way!
THE REAL REAL END AND DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT ANGIE!!!!!
Just after Ash pressed the Post Reply button, Angie tapped her shoulder, making the girl jump ten feet in the air (okay, I'm exaggerating; it was more like twenty). Angie waved the time machine in front of her.
"Oh, that's how it happened, eh?"
And the quarrel continued for a very very long time, and the narrator doesn't feel like going into all the details and giving an exact amount of time that the quarreling continued for, so...
THE REAL END OF THE END OF ETERNITY
Of course, this quarral does not really matter, as this is 'Duck Tales' and NOT 'Ash and Angie Tales' so as long as the ducks are satisfied, I NO LONGER CARE!
(and it seems that I now hold the Guinness World Record for High Jumping)