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Post by Cy Skywalker on Oct 11, 2006 7:48:24 GMT -5
(about a man in Iraq where the American troops waved at civilians whose people bombed the builing they are all traveling past)
so would the feeling
strike each heart weapons holding
each one hand for killing one for waving--
I could not manage.
The brain-freeze of not cold but complication
between our eyes and these
on the dusty street’s tanness.
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Post by eakyra on Oct 11, 2006 14:16:51 GMT -5
Um, the whole poem lost me. I couldnt understand it with the way you worded it. I love the whole idea behind it, but im lost.
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Post by johnsapphire on Oct 13, 2006 18:07:45 GMT -5
The poem, I am sure, had tremendous emotion behind it. Unfortunately, Cy, in your haste to express your emotions, you wrote it in such an abstract form that ONLY YOU could understand the subtleties you put in there, and are ENTIRELY INVISIBLE to the rest of the world. The poem itself seemed brief, rushed. I don't care for it at all.
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Post by eakyra on Oct 13, 2006 20:03:53 GMT -5
I care for it, but I have to agree with John. I think that if you rewrote it then you could turn it around.
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Post by johnsapphire on Oct 13, 2006 21:28:17 GMT -5
I doubt it.
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Post by eakyra on Oct 13, 2006 23:22:39 GMT -5
*glares at John*
Please try and be nice. I know that its not in your philosophy and you think thats our job, but being positive is something that everyone should do.
You could say ... Maybe?
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Post by johnsapphire on Oct 13, 2006 23:24:36 GMT -5
I doubt it.
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Post by eakyra on Oct 13, 2006 23:27:24 GMT -5
John! Im going to have to tickle you if you dont cooperate.
I know its hard for you and all, but if someone were to say the same thing about "The Way" wouldnt you be liable to defend it? Please try... for me? *puppy eyes*
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Post by johnsapphire on Oct 13, 2006 23:30:02 GMT -5
You know, I am very ticklish. Ah, Cy...your poem was...whether clearly or its antithesis...inspired by...emotion that...was...present...in some form or another
*lets out a great breath*
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Post by eakyra on Oct 13, 2006 23:32:18 GMT -5
I wish you could see me smile.
*hugs John*
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Post by Denithar on Oct 13, 2006 23:42:07 GMT -5
*claps for John* You really are good at bringing the softy out in people Eakyra.
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Post by eakyra on Oct 13, 2006 23:44:27 GMT -5
I told you he just needed to be cracked. Im just kidding John. But I do think its wonderful. Thank you for that. I dont know how I do it. I guess im just... I dont know. *hugs again*
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Post by Cy Skywalker on Oct 14, 2006 14:13:13 GMT -5
Ah, Cy...your poem was...whether clearly or its antithesis...inspired by...emotion that...was...present...in some form or another *lets out a great breath* Snrk. But whyever couldn't I turn it around? You said it's too vague. Ok. So I can make it less vague. You two, (John and Eeky), are very unique characters...you play off of each other. Two powerfully opposite personalities somehow getting along. Good material.
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Post by johnsapphire on Oct 14, 2006 15:57:08 GMT -5
I don't like this poem at all and I see no possible way of improving it to my standard.
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Post by eakyra on Oct 14, 2006 21:59:34 GMT -5
*slaps forhead*
John, what was that?
I admit, that it is your opinion on what you like or dont like about the poem. And you are entitled wholey to say what you want. Please try to take others feelings into account. Even if its as trivial as... I dont like your poem at all, but I hope you may be able to improve upon it. Thats enough. Please John, please?
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