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Post by rubus on May 9, 2007 19:47:42 GMT -5
*runs to corner to do emo things*
p.s. read siggy!
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Post by Ethan on May 9, 2007 19:49:30 GMT -5
(I did, I like the first one better)
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Post by rubus on May 9, 2007 19:51:30 GMT -5
Me too. I'll find some good ones.
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Post by Ethan on May 9, 2007 19:54:49 GMT -5
I like mine
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Post by rubus on May 9, 2007 19:56:59 GMT -5
Pretty good.
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Post by Ethan on May 9, 2007 19:59:38 GMT -5
Indeed
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Post by rubus on May 9, 2007 20:04:55 GMT -5
Sign at a safari: Elephants stay in your cars.
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Post by Ethan on May 9, 2007 20:07:42 GMT -5
heh...on the box for a korean cooking knife "Keep out of children"...whoa, something must have gotten lost in translation
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Post by rubus on May 9, 2007 20:10:34 GMT -5
lol, "I'm here to protect and serve my country 24 hours a week, 7 weeks a year." - George W. Bush
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Post by Ethan on May 9, 2007 20:13:41 GMT -5
Earplugs These ear plugs are nontoxic, but may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe
Mattress Warning: Do not attempt to swallow
Matches Caution: Contents may catch fire.
Pepper Spray Caution: Never aim spray at your own eyes.
Auto-Shade Widnshield Visor Warning: Do not drive with sunshade in place. Remove from windshield before starting ignition.
Fix-a-Flat WARNING: Do not weld can to rim.
Rain Gauge Suitable for outdoor use.
RCA Television Remote Control Not Dishwasher Safe
Pine Mountain Fire Logs Caution: Risk of fire
Triops Fish Food Warning: Not for human consumption
Home Depot Treated Lumber Do not consume
Hair Dryer Warning: Do not use while sleeping.
Road Sign Caution water on road during rain.
Camera This camera will only work when film is inside.
Road Sign Cemetery Road. Dead End
Church Parking Lot Sign Thou shalt not park
Children's Superman Costume Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
Silk Soy Milk Shake well and buy often
Air Conditioner Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows.
Rowenta Iron Warning: Never iron clothes on the body.
Slush Puppy Cup This ice may be cold
American Airlines Peanuts Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
Nabisco Easy Cheese For best results, remove cap.
Swanson TV Dinners This product must be cooked before eating.
Hershey's Almond Bar Warning: May contain traces of nuts
Heinz Ketchup Instructions: Put on food
Old Spice Red Zone Deoderant Use only on underarms.
Zantac 75 Do not take if allergic to zantac.
Sleeping Pills Warning: May cause Drowsiness
Christmas Lights Warning: For indoor or outdoor use only.
Bic Lighter Ignite lighter away from face.
Komatsu Floodlight This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark
Liquid Plummer Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages.
Windex Do not spray in eyes.
Bowl Fresh Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet.
Toilet Plunger Caution: Do not use near power lines.
Dremel Electric Rotary Tool This product not intended for use as a dental drill.
Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter Safe to use around pets.
Endust Duster This product is not defined as flammable by the Consumer Products Safety Commision Regulations. However, this product can be ignited under certain circumstances.
Baby Oil Keep out of reach of children
Little Ones Baby Lotion Keep away from children
Hair Coloring Do not use as an ice cream topping.
Wet-Nap Directions: Tear open packet and use.
Dial Soap Directions: Use like regular soap.
Stridex Foaming Face Wash May contain foam
Chainsaw Do not attempt to stop chain with hands, or genitals.
Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.
Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
Korean kitchen knife: Warning keep out of children
Korean kitchen knife: Warning keep out of children
Infant's bathtub: Do not throw baby out with bath water.
Package of Fisherman's Friend throat lozenges: Not meant as substitute for human companionship.
EDIT:
Knife sharpening stone Warning: knives are sharp!
Deodorant Do not use intimately.
Rat Poison Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice.
Portable stroller Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage.
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Post by rubus on May 9, 2007 20:19:46 GMT -5
. . . WHOA!!!!!
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Post by rubus on May 9, 2007 20:32:39 GMT -5
A sign seen on a restroom dryer at O'Hare Field in Chicago: Do not activate with wet hands.
At a car dealership: The best way to get back on your feet? Miss a car payment.
At A Laundry Shop: How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?
At a Music Store: Out to lunch. Bach at 12:30. Offenbach sooner.
At a number of US military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personnel.
At a Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.
At a Towing Company: We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.
At a Used Car Lot: Second Hand cars in first crash condition.
At an Auto Body Shop: May we have the next dents?
At an optometrist's office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
At the electric company: We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be.
At the entrance of the large machinery plant: Warning to young ladies: If you wear loose clothes, beware of the machinery. If you wear tight clothes, beware of the machinist. Billboard on the side of the road: Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs.
Car Lot: The best way to get on your feet....Miss a car payment.
Church sign: To remove worry wrinkles, get your faith lifted.
Door of a plastic surgeon’s office: Hello. May we pick your nose?
Gym: Merry Fitness and a Happy New Rear!
In a Beauty Shop: Dye now!
In a cafeteria: Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want.
In a cleaner’s window: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.
In a counselors office: Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional.
In a dentist office: Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you.
In a department store: Bargain Basement Upstairs.
In a dry cleaner's emporium: Drop your pants here.
In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.
In a health food shop window: Closed due to illness.
In a hotel during a conference: For anyone who has children and doesn’t know it, there is day care on the first floor.
In a Laundromat: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
In a Los Angeles dance hall: Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.
In a Maine restaurant: Open seven days a week and weekends.
In a New York medical building: Mental Health Prevention Center
In a New York restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.
In a non-smoking area: If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.
In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
In a Podiatrist's window: Time wounds all heels.
In a restaurant window: Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up.
In a Texas funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan.
In a toilet: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
In a veterinarian’s waiting room: Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!
In an office building washroom: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
In an office: After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.
In an office: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday kindly bring it back or further steps will be taken.
In front of a New Hampshire car wash: If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car.
In the front yard of a funeral home: Drive carefully. We’ll wait.
In the offices of a New Jersey loan company: Ask about our plans for owning your home.
In the vestry of a New England church: Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.
In the window of an Oregon general store: Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?
Inside a bowling alley: Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.
Maternity Clothes Shop: We are open on Labor Day.
Message on a leaflet: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.
On a butcher's window: Let me meat your needs.
On a church door: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance)
On a desk in a reception room: We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left.
On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs.
On a fence: Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.
On a local plumbing company's trucks in NE Pennsylvania: Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.
On a Maine shop: Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.
On a maternity room door: Push. Push. Push.
On a Music Teacher's door: Out Chopin.
On a New York convalescent home: For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church
On a plumber's truck: We repair what your husband fixed.
On a repair shop door: We can repair anything. (Please knock hard — bell out of order.)
On a restaurant: Try our fish just for the halibut.
On a roller coaster: Watch your head.
On a Scientist's door: Gone Fission
On a taxidermist's window: We really know our stuff.
On a Tennessee highway: Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable.
On an established New Mexico dry cleaning store: Thirty-eight years on the same spot.
On an United Airlines emergency exit row instruction card: If you cannot read this card...
On the door of a Computer Store: Out for a quick byte.
On the door of a Music Library: Bach in a min-u-et.
On the grounds of a private school in Connecticut: No trespassing without permission.
On the menu of a New Orleans restaurant: Blackened bluefish
Outside a disco: Smarts is the most exclusive disco in town. Everyone welcome.
Outside a farm: Horse manure, pre-packed bags, $10. Or, do-it-yourself, $1.
Outside a Hotel: Help! We need inn-experienced people.
Outside a muffler shop: No appointment necessary. We heard you coming.
Outside a photographer’s studio: Out to lunch; if not back by five, out for dinner.
Outside a radiator repair shop: Best place in town to take a leak.
Outside a second-hand store: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.
Quicksand warning: Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council.
Sign at the psychic's Hotline: Don't call us, we'll call you.
This was seen on a car being towed by a large motor home: I go where I'm towed to.
Trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: Don't sleep with a drip call your plumber.
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Post by Ethan on May 9, 2007 20:38:25 GMT -5
HAHAH ROFLMFAO
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Post by Ethan on May 9, 2007 20:41:09 GMT -5
Fu, Bu and Chu immigrated to the USA from China. They decided to become American citizens, and "Americanize" their names. Bu, called himself "Buck" Chu called himself "Chuck" Fu decided to return to China.
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Post by rubus on May 9, 2007 20:44:16 GMT -5
wow, we both have really good things!
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