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Post by Chris on May 11, 2007 17:01:03 GMT -5
Can you be funny in a pinch? Put your wise-cracking to the test in this really short story contest that will test your comedy skills. There's only one rule: make me laugh.
That said, here are the rules:
Genre: Comedy
Length: 500 words or less
End Date: June 31st, 2007
Judge: Pestilence
Please only post your entries here so as not to clutter the thread, but feel free to PM me with any questions or comments. Break a leg (or bust a gut, as the case may be).
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Post by AshVersion2 on May 17, 2007 12:02:12 GMT -5
The Suspect and The Inspector
Word Count: 473
~ The Suspect sat at the Inspector’s desk, twiddling his thumbs after scratching his leg. The Inspector, being of a sound mind and gentle heart, looked him in the eye and pointed to the tape recorder. “Explain why you tipped over the bus with a stolen forklift.” The Suspect, being of an insecure mind and having a metal pacemaker, continued to twiddle his thumbs and said: “ ‘Cos I ain’t bin arrested for it, ‘av I? I mean, take a shuffle at me recawd. Ain’t nuffin’ in there ‘bout no forklift or no buses. I got done for impersonation a few times. Twice as a surgeon - I jus’ wanted to know what that funky machine did - once as a paediatrician - I likes kids, but not in that way, ‘cos that’s stupid - three times as a bishop and once as a naval engineer. Really, I jus’ likes to play dress-up. I got done for sex ’arrasment too - I saw up this lady’s skirt, I did, but she reckoned it were me ’oo lifted it. All accounts to my being in the wrong place at the wrong time. So I thought, if I’s gonna get arrested again, might as well be for summit I actually thought was worth getting’ arrested for. Like Wacko Jacko, only not stupid. So’s I stole a forklift and smashed it into an empty bus.” “So you did this,” said the baffled Inspector, “because you wanted to be arrested for it?” The Suspect smiled and nodded. “You’re insane.” The Suspect replied simply “You smell funny.” “Right,” the Inspector said, making a snap decision, “You’re free to go.” The Suspect stopped smiling and stood up. “Why? Take me to court, I could’ve killed someone!” “I’m not going to put you in jail because that’s what you want! You’ve probably dropped the soap once or twice in there and developed a taste for it?” The Suspect blushed and the Inspector continued, “That’s what I thought. There’s a hospital down the road with a mental health unit. I’ll call them to tell them you’re coming.” The Suspect cocked his head to one side, looking almost like a puppy dog hiding with a plan. One could almost smell the friction of the cogs moving inside his head. “Why would you have a number like that” The Suspect asked. The Inspector’s eyes widened as he continued, “You’ve bin in before, ‘avn’t you?” The Inspector, on hearing this, suddenly dropped to the floor in a foetal position and started blithering in an Italian accent, “Please-a, this’ll kill-a my-a chances of-a promotion!” The Suspect grinned and said “Let me be an Inspector for a day and I’ll promise not to tell . . . “ As the Inspector handed the Suspect his gun and his badge, the Suspect said, “I likes to play dress-up.” |
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Post by AshVersion2 on May 22, 2007 14:58:53 GMT -5
(guys, I'm making this an announcement - take the hint)
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Post by Chris on Jul 3, 2007 21:25:29 GMT -5
Well, it's July 3rd. I'm guessing hint not received. Sigh.
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Post by AshVersion2 on Jul 4, 2007 4:03:42 GMT -5
(You mean I wrote that piece of crap for nothing? *sighs* )
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Post by Chris on Jul 4, 2007 9:25:06 GMT -5
Aw, not for nothing! You win by default, so you get the prize!
(Ahem. Uh ... what do they normally give out for prizes for contests?)
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Post by AshVersion2 on Jul 4, 2007 13:40:36 GMT -5
Karma or banners.  |
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Post by Chris on Jul 4, 2007 19:19:17 GMT -5
 Well, karma is boring; nobody really cares about it. I guess that makes it a banner. Here's hoping you have crappy taste, 'cause I'm very bad at GIMPing. Crap, I'll have to reinstall the GIMP. |
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Post by AshVersion2 on Jul 5, 2007 13:46:56 GMT -5
Lol, you should GIMP anyway - it's fun. ;D
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Post by ohsocameo on Aug 26, 2007 13:45:07 GMT -5
I totally would have entered if I had joined sooner.  |
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Post by Angie on Aug 26, 2007 15:08:06 GMT -5
Ash, would you mind if we reopen it and give you some competition?
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Post by AshVersion2 on Aug 26, 2007 15:16:21 GMT -5
Not at all. I want to be beaten, considering I wrote the biggest piece of crap EVER.
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Post by Angie on Aug 26, 2007 15:52:59 GMT -5
Cool, just let Chris (the judge) know as soon as you post your entry, Cameo.  |
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Post by ohsocameo on Aug 26, 2007 16:58:33 GMT -5
No problem. |
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Post by Chris on Aug 26, 2007 18:19:04 GMT -5
COMPETITION OFFICIALLY REOPENED! WOO-HOO!
Thank goodness I don't have to finish the banner. It was flashy and colorful and amateurish. Oh, and it had a picture of a chimp on it.
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