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Post by Denithar on Aug 3, 2006 23:22:48 GMT -5
I DO NOT WRITE POETRY! I wrote this yesterday after certian events, and I thought I might as well post it. Those of you who know me better know who I'm speaking about.
Um, seriously, I never wrote anything like poetry in my LIFE. Criticism please!
You were the girl/ with paper and pen,
I was the kid, who was playing with band.
You came to the dance/ expecting to lose,
I came to dance/ looking for fun.
After a few, I was tired and hot,
And I noticed a girl who sitting it out.
I asked, you said yeah, we twirled and we spun,
I just liked looking at you, how was I to know,
When I asked you to dance,
You had given me your heart!
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Post by Jayda on Aug 3, 2006 23:25:08 GMT -5
No criticism on this one from me. We all know the story behind this one, Den, and it's really cool that you wrote a poem on it.
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Post by Denithar on Aug 3, 2006 23:40:16 GMT -5
Hehe, thanks. But seriously, I do want to make it better if I can.  |
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Post by frostdragon13 on Aug 4, 2006 15:55:25 GMT -5
I can't lie, man. You CAN INDEED express your emotions in lyrics and poetry. I totaly get what emotion you're talking about.
Now if only you'd write a blind-angry screaming punk song. THEN we could talk.
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Post by Denithar on Aug 4, 2006 17:15:00 GMT -5
FOCL! I don't scream and I'm totally not a punk. ... but maybe I'll try.  |
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Post by Gil Alexander on Sept 2, 2006 12:54:37 GMT -5
Dude, this is so sweet. Maybe you should write stuff like this more often. Are you planning on showing her, or have you already?
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Post by Denithar on Sept 5, 2006 8:20:47 GMT -5
Lol, no, I wasn't really planning on showing her. I mean, if she sees it I don't care, but it's not something I'm going to show off, being that it's pretty bad.
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Post by Gil Alexander on Sept 8, 2006 16:07:57 GMT -5
Lol, it's not bad, especially if it's written by the words of your heart. And no doubt she'd appreciate it wholeheartedly. |
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scarecrow
Rank 3 (Almost Not a Newbie)
Posts: 408
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Post by scarecrow on Sept 8, 2006 16:36:40 GMT -5
I don't quite understand, being the poetry ditz that I am, and I don't know the story. It sounds like some girl thought Den liked her because he asked her to dance, when the truth was he just liked how she looked?
If I'm close, then I think the title is way appropriate. Ah, but the cruel games our hearts play. If I was right about what I think it was saying, then it properly conveys just how it can be that guys and girls can so easily misunderstand what the things we do to each other mean. You thought that it was just a dance, but she's looking at you all, "Oh, my hero!" Simple, sweet and deep (albeit in a shallow way), and all amplified by the fact that it's all pulled from your own personal experience.
"Playing with band" - Something's missing here, yes? Or is it just me?
So, what's the deal? Could someone clue me in as to what'd I miss here?
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