Dream to Believe

[Jakazul]

Any and all comments appreciated.

Dream to Believe

It's been months since I saw your face.
But only seconds since my finger traced,
The immitation on my computer screen.
The best picture I've ever seen.

I miss you now more than you could ever know.
And I've been struggling to not let it show.
But you're the only thing I'm looking for.
I feel like we have been here before.

I've tried to move on, but the rest can't compare.
I feel for sparks, but they're just never there.
The rest of the world's in the darkness tonight.
And you're my only source of light.

I know.

And I would happily give you my heart.
Even though last time you tore it apart.
I'm starting over, but the race is done.
Are we the only ones who haven't won?

I'm not feeling sorry for myself anymore.
Or letting myself close all of the doors.
But sometimes it's hard to just be awake.
Can't we repeat the mistake?

I've given everything I know to give.
And now I'm moving on and learning to live.
But I can't help but hate that we are alone.
It's just another night on my own.

I know.

I know.


Copyright Jake Fox 2006, All Rights Reserved

[SapphireBird]

jakazul said:

But sometimes it's hard to just be awake.
Can't we repeat the mistake?

On this part^ the last line seems to be lacking a syllable. It kinda throws off the flow just a little. But other than that, it's very nice. I like the tone of it.

[Cy Skywalker]

Hmm, nice. The rhythm isn't perfect, and the rhyme sceme is a little restrictive (in my opinion) but I like the emotion in it. I like the first stanza the best, because it's untypical.