A Tryst and It's Twist

[scarecrow]

My entry for the poetry contest. It was supposed to describe the given picture in a certain amount of lines. Here's the link to the picture, if it helps: www.bigstockphoto.com/photo/view/175446?

A Tryst and It's Twists

Boy meets Girl, you know the rest
Some murmured words, an exchanged glance
A few more drinks, A fervent kiss
Something's awake in that guy's pants
Apartment door, Clothes to the floor
Next comes the horizontal dance

Huzzah, huzzah, boy, that cloud burst
She swore the earth shifted just then
Puff and blow in the afterglow
Any chance we could do it again?
Look at him smile that cocky smile
It says, "Just tell me where and when."

And so it goes, pick up the phone
Call my name, I'll bring the wine
Tuesday's no good, I'm busy then
But Friday suits them both just fine
Forget the drinks, she teases him
'Cause I don't think we'll have the time

Casual fling, ain't no big thing
Things for him are looking sweet
But life's too short to waste for her
Just 'cause he moves the ground beneath
She wonders if he'll stick with her
If she stops putting out the treats

Now two's a pair to his despair
So much work, he gets no play
She talks of houses in the country
Lilies on her wedding day
She wants to walk a path together
He just wants to run away

He's so far now, miles and miles
Even though he's still by her side
She sees he's such a little dog
Shouldering a tiger's pride
He'd rather roam the open plains
Just 'cause he doesn't want a bride

Sitting in bed, the fun's long gone
Hugging her knees, that look in his eye
Two to tango, two to waltz
Dead is the dance and the will to try
And they wonder how it came to this
Twisted their tryst until it died.

[Brokenhearts]

good beat good rhytheme good meaning good plot ;D there r the odd bits where it dusn't fit perfectly- but those parts seem to match the poem's mood to it enphisies whats happening. it's good- i enjoyed it

[scarecrow]

Thanks for the good review. What parts specifically didn't you like, though?

[Brokenhearts]

good? yeah… ahem… movin on

i liked ALL of it!!! there were just some bits that grated with the poem's riming and rhytheme a lil bit. like the first paragraph: where u ite pants in the fourth line- it doesn't go with the second lineing rhyming scheme. bt as i said b4, because of little things like that, it gives the poem a more felt grittyness than if it had flowed perfectly.