Lacuna - Final Decision.

[eakyra]

~Another Edit~

I've decided to just call it Lacuna. It fits very well.

~End Another Edit~

*edit*

This is an un-official title. Please help.

*end edit*

I dont know what to call this. But I really love it. Inspired by the song... Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol.

Lacuna
By: Carmen M. Howrey


And she waits, and waits.
For something she doesnt
even know she's waiting for.
But deep inside she feels
the pain that torments
her mind every night.

And he knows, and knows,
About the hurt she's feeling.
He feels it the same because
of the way he hurts her.
Searching the silence
for just the right words.

Then she turns, she turns.
Facing him with all she
dares to muster inside.
She needs to know.
His feelings have been
buried deep in his heart.

Then he speaks, he speaks.
Looking not at her
but at the depths of her soul.
Finally he has the strength.
Love, is not worthy enough
to describe how I feel.

Now they lay, they lay.
Together as one person
unifed by a strange power.
Something beyond Love.
Nothing can break what
we have found tonight.

[Cy Skywalker]

I think I'd call it "Knowledge".

Pretty good, pop song-like. I like your use of repitition. The flow of the "storyline" is ok...it's so... sappy!!!

*runs away*

[eakyra]

skywalker said:

I think I'd call it "Knowledge".

Pretty good, pop song-like. I like your use of repitition. The flow of the "storyline" is ok...it's so... sappy!!!

*runs away*

Yeah, but... but...

It is sappy. But thats what love poems are. I just really like this one. Not sure I like your suggestion for the title. But thanks for you critique and comments. You seem to be the only one who does anymore.

[Cy Skywalker]

Sorry, my personality doesn't allow unbiased reviews of poems like this. I mean, I like to help. But on Fictionpress I always end up asking myself whether I'm supposed to review the person's poem or their life in sections for the genres "Life" or "Love". Just a defect. So you can ignore that part if you want.

(That probably means a choice of mine for title wouldn't really convey the thought you want either.)

[eakyra]

Is cool.

[Brokenhearts]

i have absolutely no critisisum i just love it ;D am nt usually a v gd poem critic

[eakyra]

Thats fine. Im just glad you like it. What do you think of the title?

[Angie]

Lol, I just listened to that song. ;D

* Some of the rhythm feels kind of off because it's like you're just talking and adding random line breaks.

* The flow and such is kind of inconsistant among the stanzas - I think it could be better if you had a set pattern for it.

Other than that, it's pretty good. I'm too sleepy to go into more detail right now.

[eakyra]

Danke vie bitte Angie.

[Angie]

De nada, siempre feliz ayudar una buena amiga como tu.

[eakyra]

Uh... ya!

[Angie]

You're welcome, always glad to help a good friend like you.

[eakyra]

Ahh... *bubbles*