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Post by Cy Skywalker on Oct 3, 2006 14:54:07 GMT -5
The ultimate gathering of poets would have these things:
Small crowds, many participants.
poets’ convention ought be an oxymoron
almost, as we tend to write alone.
Clean, white, three story tents with variously angled speakers
A setting with a haunted house or
at least one that looks rickety,
as if already half its floors have fallen
and crashed into the others, jarring them
into these peeling Victorian angles.
Music which is calm and gentle but
occasionally follows you around.
The banks of a river, a sun or two
Flags, of varying colors and heights
with white labels;
adjective.
of course the poets will want to know
why adjectives are banners
(these are the sort of things poems are about).
Diversity
A few secret codes
gordian knotted into the funnel cake
A mandate to talk
to at least one complete and friendly stranger
Passageways with ivy on’t them
Quotes from Shakespeare
and from teenagers.
Creative shoes.
Free chocolate (the bliss!).
Some chickens
wondering about and looking at you
with unconditional like
unless of course you could improve with a good scare
(I enjoy this quality in both chickens and poets).
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Post by eakyra on Oct 3, 2006 23:04:54 GMT -5
This poem was so random-like. But as I think about it, it really makes alot of sense. Pulling idea's for poetry and placing it into the poem itself. Because poetry is random, it can be anything and everything. And I believe you really captured it here. The house, I think was stretched out to far if you compare it to the rest of the poem. You may want to shorten it.
I love your poetry. It makes me sway.
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Post by Cy Skywalker on Oct 5, 2006 8:30:24 GMT -5
Thanks a lot. I understand about the house being disproportional. I just liked the challenge of describing it; as you can see it was pretty wierd looking. I am thinking of cropping lines out of that part here and making a whole new poem about the house.
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Post by eakyra on Oct 5, 2006 13:10:46 GMT -5
That would be cool. I definatly would look forward to that.
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Post by johnsapphire on Oct 8, 2006 14:12:55 GMT -5
I have never seen Eakyra criticise anything. That being said, this is far better than that other poem of yours. I know coming from me that doesn't say much, but even if the grammar/style isn't any better, the theme (random, yet delightful) improved it greatly. Continue in this vein.
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Post by eakyra on Oct 9, 2006 23:11:41 GMT -5
I try to criticise every poem I read. Although they can never be as well developed and thought of as your critiques, I do try and give a peice of advice and a thumbs up to everyones poetry.
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Post by Cy Skywalker on Oct 10, 2006 11:45:58 GMT -5
but even if the grammar/style isn't any better, Thanks.... So what grammar problems do I have here?
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Post by eakyra on Oct 10, 2006 15:15:03 GMT -5
A setting with a haunted house or
at least one that looks rickety,
as if already half its floors have fallen
and crashed into the others, jarring them
into these peeling Victorian angles.
I think this part was rather lengthy. It almost feels like a runon with all the comma's in there.
I still love this poem though Cy!
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Post by Cy Skywalker on Oct 10, 2006 15:33:21 GMT -5
Yeah--we talked about that house part. l33t
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Post by johnsapphire on Oct 10, 2006 20:35:38 GMT -5
There's a bunch of errors in there that don't interrupt the flow but are incorrect. I haven't the time to point them all out.
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Post by eakyra on Oct 10, 2006 23:32:33 GMT -5
His time is very precious. What with Marrying up women who beckon his call?
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Post by johnsapphire on Oct 11, 2006 21:02:53 GMT -5
yup :wink: I think you mean something like 'being at the beck and call of women who wish to be married'
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Post by The Observer on Oct 11, 2006 22:50:43 GMT -5
So what's it about?
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Post by eakyra on Oct 11, 2006 22:54:45 GMT -5
Yes John, thats what I ment. How many are you married too?
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Post by Cy Skywalker on Oct 13, 2006 13:46:58 GMT -5
Pardon me; Do you refer to the poem or the marriages?
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