A world of their own

[Donald Duck]

A world of their own,
A place they escape to you.
What is wrong with that?

A place filled with innocent fantasy.
Princesses, Kings, Knights, Unicorns,
A wondrous place.
Why destroy it?

A world where there is no pain,
Where there is no fear or sorrow.
Where good always triumphs,
And evil always loses.

So many hate this world.
They say reality is better.
They punish those
That try to runaway from reality.

Slowly as more and more
Are forced from this world,
It begins to fade.
Darkness creeps in,
It grips the world with grotesque hands
And crushes whatever life there is.

Soon there is nothing left
But a black hole in a child's heart.


(kinda pointless I know. I haven't written a poem in a very long time so bear with me peoples. )

[Cy Skywalker]

Hmm....quite a bit of work is needed from on the rhythm I think; it's real stiff. Your words are very simple and blunt, which I don't like in poetry which sounds too much like prose or talking. I think "A place they escape to you" has something wrong with it, though depending on what you meant it could be different things. "Princesses, Kings, Knights, Unicorns," doesn't really need to be capitalized. "Runaway" ought be two words...

"It grips the world with grotesque hands" is a nice descriptive sentance. The fact is that I like the theme of this, but would have explored or approached it from a different direction. What exactly is forcing the kids into pure reality? Who exactly are 'they'? Parents? Careers and college? Kids who make fun of the fantasy-focused ones for being nerds or something? It's very sad, but could have been more pointed.

Maybe that was more of a critique than you wanted. This theme is NOT pointless though, not in any way. I just want to see what you can do with it.