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The Way
Oct 11, 2006 21:32:16 GMT -5
Post by The Observer on Oct 11, 2006 21:32:16 GMT -5
It is clearly well-structured and quite thought out. I can tell you worked hard on it. I'm curious as to how much time you spent writing it.
However, with regards to your poll I'm afraid I must exercise my democratic ability to abstain from voting.
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The Way
Oct 11, 2006 22:53:40 GMT -5
Post by eakyra on Oct 11, 2006 22:53:40 GMT -5
Very nice. I like how its written with the old word. That kind of poem always captivates me and makes me sway. However, I had no idea throughout the poem what was going on. I mean, I could see the image of a man walking on a street, but thats it. Maybe im just not tuned in to your level of depth and emotion.
And I voted. The best I could...
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The Way
Oct 11, 2006 23:09:14 GMT -5
Post by johnsapphire on Oct 11, 2006 23:09:14 GMT -5
I spent about fifteen minutes on this poem. It was one of the few I wrote by hand. I shan't tell you the deep, deep meaning that I laced it with, but I have a feeling that if you all try hard enough, if perhaps you break it down phrase by phrase, you may see what I am aiming at.
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The Way
Oct 11, 2006 23:29:27 GMT -5
Post by eakyra on Oct 11, 2006 23:29:27 GMT -5
So if we dont, will you tell us?
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The Way
Oct 12, 2006 9:47:59 GMT -5
Post by johnsapphire on Oct 12, 2006 9:47:59 GMT -5
I doubt it.
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The Way
Oct 12, 2006 14:36:07 GMT -5
Post by eakyra on Oct 12, 2006 14:36:07 GMT -5
Well I can definatly tell he's looking for something he cannot find. It keeps evading him. But I get lost around the nymph part. I guess I'll have to research it.
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The Way
Oct 12, 2006 20:04:02 GMT -5
Post by johnsapphire on Oct 12, 2006 20:04:02 GMT -5
ehhh...you're thinking in the right direction...it'd take a great deal more insight to crack it, though. So far only one person has fully interpreted it, and she was with me in the scene described above. It is actually based on a true story.
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The Way
Oct 12, 2006 23:50:00 GMT -5
Post by eakyra on Oct 12, 2006 23:50:00 GMT -5
Well no wonder she got it then!
I'll try and be more insightful when I have more time.
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The Way
Oct 13, 2006 13:54:57 GMT -5
Post by Cy Skywalker on Oct 13, 2006 13:54:57 GMT -5
Quite honestly, if you mean that poll to be serious, my opinion of you has decreased. It's not that the poem is not GOOD. It's that you are so very arrogant.
Using the old language forces the reader to pay attention to the poem; good effect. I also noticed your use of alliteration. Only the last three lines really confused me, in structure as well as content. Very nice imagery of both the sky and the whatever it is that skitters along the lane. I pictured first wind or a shadow, then leaves, but the "lips" line and after strayed from that. Pretty nice word choice; The last two lines of the first stanza border on professional for their evocation of the movement. It's cool that you've used such a structure as a sonnet where many modern poems are freeform.
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The Way
Oct 13, 2006 15:08:08 GMT -5
Post by johnsapphire on Oct 13, 2006 15:08:08 GMT -5
The poll was for my own amusement. Not for anything particularily serious. The structure of the last three lines confused you? As a sonnet, the last two make up an IP couplet, and the third last rhymes with the second line of the third stanza, as sonnet form dictates. And, of course, it's in IP.
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The Way
Oct 13, 2006 15:24:34 GMT -5
Post by eakyra on Oct 13, 2006 15:24:34 GMT -5
Thats what I figured. (about the poll) He's just silly. So did Cy mention anything that rang true for the meaning of your poem? With the Shadows or wind or something? I had thought that for a moment aswell...
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The Way
Oct 13, 2006 17:17:01 GMT -5
Post by johnsapphire on Oct 13, 2006 17:17:01 GMT -5
The imagery isn't directly relevant. Cy, about the lips line:
"And lips of hue quite pale allow a sigh"
The lips are pale because it is cold outside, and they 'allow a sigh' because they're tired.
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The Way
Oct 13, 2006 20:13:42 GMT -5
Post by eakyra on Oct 13, 2006 20:13:42 GMT -5
See, look what you did? You just broke down one line for us. Now just give me a couple more and I think I could figure it out.
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The Way
Oct 13, 2006 21:15:38 GMT -5
Post by johnsapphire on Oct 13, 2006 21:15:38 GMT -5
nice try, eaky maybe if you get a few more people to vote in the poll...
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The Way
Oct 13, 2006 21:17:56 GMT -5
Post by eakyra on Oct 13, 2006 21:17:56 GMT -5
Working on it. ;D
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