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Post by AshVersion2 on Jan 16, 2007 15:51:49 GMT -5
Written in approximately 12 and a half minutes, so don't hold your breath on its quality. ThermopylaeThree hundred. One MILLION. Who is more mighty when the mighty is defined by this One Battle Thermopylae. Perfect blossoms in the depths of the North cling to winters' chill. They cling on still. They shiver and wilt and must certainly die. Why do they cling on still? They all died. And all of mighty Greece bloomed.
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Post by Cy Skywalker on Jan 17, 2007 13:14:12 GMT -5
Now, I don't know what Thermophylae means--but this poem is very interesting. Especially in the beginning, the wierd rhythms and word choice make it just enough to be really artsy and intriguing. "Perfect blossoms in the depths of the North cling to winters chill." flows well, but "winters" wants a ', doesn't it? I'm wanting a period on "They cling on still"--it would fit better with the funky rhythm that way, I think. You'd have to edit the next line then, and I think that's ok because 'have no hope' is cliché--wanna clarify it? The last line contains nice imagery and sums up the strangeness... Very good as a modern-art-type poem. It almost doesn't need a theme--it's just pretty. Just consider the critiques I had above. I write poems very quickly, all the time, because mine I don't care about all that much. They tend to be ok, but I like to go over them a day after I've written them. Then you can see them with fresh eyes. Do this if you're worried about quality like it sounds like you are in the beginning. You might be interested in 'Choose'. It has PotO imagery.
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Post by AshVersion2 on Jan 17, 2007 13:21:48 GMT -5
The Battle of Thermopylae pitted 300 Spartans against a million Persians. The Spartans made the cost so high for the Persians that they lost all taste for battle and they fled. The courage of the 300 warriors, though dead to the last man, inspired all of Greece to unite and drive out the Persians. Inspiring, no? OK, I'll make those changes now. Thanks for the critique, Cy!
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Post by Cy Skywalker on Jan 18, 2007 7:37:16 GMT -5
Ah, very interesting & inspiring. Poem inspired from history... You're welcome.
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