Sam
Rank 1 (Still a Newbie)
Assasinate Ethan by Dawn..
Posts: 80
|
Post by Sam on Feb 10, 2007 13:24:49 GMT -5
This is a song I wrote in my free time, I was bored, and I tried playing on guitar to see how it sounded.. (acoustic) Sum my life, into two words: Broken, and destroyed. Where is the pain, and the power, In everything we built. Breaking through, going nowhere Where are we now? Some would say, I'm a little insane Some woud say I'm your bane. Chorus: Where we sit in the store, Where we wait in the cold, Where we light the fire, for everyone to see. To burn a town down, doesnt make sense. To the rage and the power, To actually tell me.. -So thats really all I have for now, comment on it plz,negative or positive
|
|
|
Post by Cy Skywalker on Feb 10, 2007 17:06:35 GMT -5
I like the words--they're unique. But they don't really make a coherent sense, and the rhythm isn't apparent enough for me to hear a beat along with it.
|
|
Sam
Rank 1 (Still a Newbie)
Assasinate Ethan by Dawn..
Posts: 80
|
Post by Sam on Apr 26, 2007 20:30:15 GMT -5
Thanks for the advice, I could try and fix it up to make it go with rhythm.
|
|
paranoidandroid
Rank 0 (Total Newbie)
You know that it's going to be all right when we go shopping.
Posts: 30
|
Post by paranoidandroid on May 3, 2007 18:01:58 GMT -5
I agree with Cy Skywalker. I couldn't really make a lot of sense out of it. It seems that you're trying to encompass too much and tackle too many themes. If you simplify it just a bit, I think it would make it a lot more coherent. As far as the rhythm goes, I'm interested in seeing how it works. Do you have a recording or something? It flowed nicely for the most part, one thing that I didn't like was this: "Some would say, I'm a little insane Some woud say I'm your bane." The rest of the song doesn't rhyme, so putting one in here threw me off a little bit. I liked the chorus a lot. The words flow very nicely, and I could see it making a good hook for a song. Out of curiousity is it repeated at all? Overall its all good, but its too much for one song. I think you've got enough material here to write a couple songs. Keep it up, and I really want to hear a recording. -P.A.
|
|
Sam
Rank 1 (Still a Newbie)
Assasinate Ethan by Dawn..
Posts: 80
|
Post by Sam on May 6, 2007 18:38:09 GMT -5
Hey thanks, actually the lines "Some would say, I'm a little insane Some woud say I'm your bane." were kinda just thrown in there, and I'm not a big fan of them myself. And yes, the chorus does repeat itself, at least 3 times I think. Hmm. Recording? I could try. I'd have to get your email.
|
|
paranoidandroid
Rank 0 (Total Newbie)
You know that it's going to be all right when we go shopping.
Posts: 30
|
Post by paranoidandroid on May 8, 2007 22:32:26 GMT -5
If you do PM me and give you my email so I can listen to it. -P.A.
|
|
Sam
Rank 1 (Still a Newbie)
Assasinate Ethan by Dawn..
Posts: 80
|
Post by Sam on Jul 2, 2007 1:08:01 GMT -5
Yeah alright, I wrote some more stuff, so if you want to check out it. I checked out yours too, it's good, What's your inspiration?
Anyway, send me some stuff, I'll send you some.
|
|