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Post by Anna!/Gilly on May 22, 2007 21:23:55 GMT -5
Her heart crumbles, wind-blown and brown, Dust is the road, her spine, the interstate that glistens in the sun
Her hair, tossed by the breeze, dried seaweed: Dried and scraggly underbrush, dirt clods, crusty saliva
His body unmoved, twisting silently, invisibly over her is the wind It blows clouds, fantastic breaths of hope on her sun boiled skin
What song writes Bibles and Korans for the lions and the birds? What bind of love so true and eternal
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paranoidandroid
Rank 0 (Total Newbie)
You know that it's going to be all right when we go shopping.
Posts: 30
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Post by paranoidandroid on May 22, 2007 21:30:28 GMT -5
Beautiful Great, great, GREAT images. I don't quite understand what you mean by "what song writes Bibles and Korans for the lions and the birds?". I love the line, I'm just having a hard time seeing how it fits in with the rest of the poem. But I could just be missing the point entirely. I really enjoyed this. Great work. -P.A.
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Post by Cy Skywalker on Jun 8, 2007 19:15:04 GMT -5
It's got a prettiness. The creative imagery in the beginning doesn't always work because there are no connections between the different things, however, there is between "Dust is the road, her spine, the interstate that glistens in the sun". Is it finished? The last line at least needs an interrogatory.
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