Cause of you

[Oli]

Song i've recently written, and still working on, and fist one i've posted.


I told myself I wouldn't miss you
I told myself I was better without you
Everything it was changing
I thought I had too
It's what I thought you were thinkin
I never thought I loved you

But then you called last night
And I swear I almost cried
I've got my girl next door
But I know with you it was right
Cause everything its changing (I wanna be with you)
Everything its changing (I wanna be with you)
Everything is changing
Cause of you

Broken and confused now with my girl
My only thought is 'I wish she was you'
Can only turn to drink
Sad and depressing
I guess I had never moved on
No smile just regretting

But then you called last night
And I swear I almost cried
I've got my girl next door
But I know with you it was right
Cause everything its changing (I wanna be with you)
Everything its changing (I wanna be with you)
Everything is changing
Cause of you

That one last kiss
The smile you do
That one last kiss
Your eyes so blue
That one last kiss
Those lips so smooth
That one last kiss
I know I love you

But then you called last night
And I swear I almost cried
I've got my girl next door
But I know with you it was right
Cause everything its changing (I wanna be with you)
Everything its changing (I wanna be with you)
Everything is changing
Cause of you
Cause I love you

[paranoidandroid]

I told myself I wouldn't miss you
I told myself I was better without you
Everything it was changing
I thought I had too
It's what I thought you were thinkin
I never thought I loved you
Nice opening. I like how there are some hints of cliches in here, but you put a slightly different spin on them and made them really interesting ("Everything it was changing, I thought I had too"). Got my attention. Nice job.

But then you called last night
And I swear I almost cried
I've got my girl next door
But I know with you it was right
Cause everything its changing (I wanna be with you)
Everything its changing (I wanna be with you)
Everything is changing
Cause of you
Fourth line "but I know with you it was right" is a little awkward. I'm assuming this is the chorus? I like "everything is changing cause of you" as a hook. It's simple but catchy.

Broken and confused now with my girl
My only thought is 'I wish she was you'
Can only turn to drink
Sad and depressing
I guess I had never moved on
No smile just regretting
I can see what you're trying to do here and I like where you're going, but I think this verse could benefit from a little editing. I'm not sure if its intentional or not but the first two lines sound and awful lot like a Hinder song (forget the name). I think you're trying to cram too much in here. One thing I'd do is focus on his emotions with the girl he "wishes was you". Maybe describe a scene between the two of them.

But then you called last night
And I swear I almost cried
I've got my girl next door
But I know with you it was right
Cause everything its changing (I wanna be with you)
Everything its changing (I wanna be with you)
Everything is changing
Cause of you

That one last kiss
The smile you do
That one last kiss
Your eyes so blue
That one last kiss
Those lips so smooth
That one last kiss
I know I love you
Not bad, but it doesn't really add anything new to the song either.

But then you called last night
And I swear I almost cried
I've got my girl next door
But I know with you it was right
Cause everything its changing (I wanna be with you)
Everything its changing (I wanna be with you)
Everything is changing
Cause of you
Cause I love you

I enjoyed this, and I like the direction its going in. You said you were still working on it, and I think that it could still use some work, but you've got something good going here. Let me know if you edit it. Also, if you ever happen to record it, let me know, I'd like to hear it.

-P.A.

[Oli]

Thanks for the feedback, yeh it is still work in progress right now, and i'm looking to record it once the lyrics are finsihed. I'm editing it at the moment so will post new copy when done.

[Oli]

But then you called last night
And I swear I almost cried
I've got my girl next door
But she’ll never have my smile
Cause everything its changing (I wanna be with you)
Everything its changing (I wanna be with you)
Everything is changing
Cause of you

I want to hear your voice call my name
I want to hear you say that I love you
Can only turn to drink
Sad and depressing
I guess I had never moved on
No smile just regretting


the deffinate change made, ones highlighted, the rest i'm still working on