Label Me This

[derekrain]

(Basically, me pitching a bitch fit about suburbia. meh)


There's a few deliberately parallel scars still visible on my left forearm.
They're from years ago.
Another lifetime.
But you see them, and you try to place me.
Emo.
Cutter.
Meaningless.
Do I fit?
Judge me.

I talk to those kids. The ones you're afraid of.
They wear black.
They make you nervous.
Because they really care about each other, because they laugh and smile and mean it.
No pretense.
You judge me.
Freak.
Weird.
Abnormal.
Do I fit?
Place me.

English class. Book reports. Chick lit. Sports stories.
Zombies?
You watch me in horror and I account the defensiblity of apartments versus hospitals.
And once again.
Go for it.
Nerd?
Sure.
Boy.
Pretty much.
Feel better?
Do I fit now?

I write in a notebook when I should be paying attention.
You struggle with the area of a square because your hangover is too intense.
I write.
Label me.
Poet.
Writer.
Eccentric.
Crazy.
Make it work.
Make me fit.
Judge me.
Pretend you know me.
Do I fit?

You see me walk past you in the hallway, and you notice me, but only for a second.
And then you forget.
Label me.
Invisible.
Nobody.
Who?

Do I fit yet?

[Brokenhearts]

wow... wow... im no critic, bt i do no wat i like, and i like this and its absolutely spot on 4 sum1 like me and by the sounds of things u 2

suberbia sux ass rite?

[derekrain]

Pshtf you have no idea.
Well, you apparently do.
But I live in a RICH suburb. in WI. Evil.

[Brokenhearts]

i really do- its rich suberbia here, bt english style *shudders* i walk around in a baggy hoodie in winter and its like *devil sign* SHES EVIL I TELLS YA!!! me: :confused: of coarse...

and the kids r jst like... evil... pure and simple

[derekrain]

Indeed.

[Brokenhearts]

sorry- spammy spam...

anyway- it is a very gd poem, mostly coz it dus draw alot frm personal expiriance and tht much shows thru making it alot more powerful on the readr. it is rather clumbsily ritten, showin ur age; bt it dus make it tht much more raw and hardr httin tht sum1 even @ our age is aware of wat adults (i assume its sum adults tht ur talkin about) r capable of thinking. i like the pattern tht u have the words placed in, its very blunt and to the point, not shying away from anythin which helps the point of the poem, and it gives it a feel of stripping away the armour that the ppl ur confronting wud have. the repetition of the questions, tho re-phrased has the same effect.

overall- very well ritten, presentd and personalised

[derekrain]

Wow. Um. Thank you!

[Brokenhearts]

no prob

[Cy Skywalker]

Pretty good. The format works. Some of the descriptions of stereotypes are spot-on and the second to last stanza really reminds me of my high school career. I like the concept in "They wear black./They make you nervous./Because they really care about each other, because they laugh and smile and mean it." The narrative voice has a real hurt superiority to it, a trait I tend to like (for some wierd reason...). Not bad overall.