|
Paul.
May 30, 2007 23:43:22 GMT -5
Post by derekrain on May 30, 2007 23:43:22 GMT -5
The ending's kinda awkward. But I'm over it.
I could wish for you to want me. I could wish that you were here. I could wish for you to stay a day a week a month a year. I could wish for words unspoken. I could wish for thoughts unsaid. I could wish for me, a whole new life... Or just stay here. In bed. And I'll wish for time to dream about. the thoughts I want to SCREAM about. And wish a thousand wishes that will never bring you here. And I'll try to get on through this... All the fake and lies and hate, this, this bittersweet monopoly on everybody's lives. This outlandish state of crazy that will never let me be. And someday, maybe, maybe I will find my own way out... And until then I will have to stay, and wish... and then... be free.
|
|
paranoidandroid
Rank 0 (Total Newbie)
You know that it's going to be all right when we go shopping.
Posts: 30
|
Paul.
Jun 3, 2007 17:32:22 GMT -5
Post by paranoidandroid on Jun 3, 2007 17:32:22 GMT -5
I really liked this, I didn't really think the ending was awkward. The only thing I didn't think really fit in with the rest was where you capitalize the "SCREAM". It kind of disrupted the flow of the rest of it. Everything else flowed wonderfully. I especially liked where you said "this bittersweet monopoly on everybody's lives". Those words really stood out to me. Great poem. -P.A.
|
|