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Post by Jayda on Jul 12, 2006 15:27:45 GMT -5
Removed because it's too embarrassing to leave it up...
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Post by Emily on Jul 12, 2006 15:30:59 GMT -5
It;s great so far JJ. It confused me at first, but I had to re-read it  Post more! |
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Post by Jayda on Jul 12, 2006 15:32:35 GMT -5
Thank you Pink  Can you tell me what confused you so that maybe I can fix it? And trust me, I've got much more written and shall be posting it soon. |
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Post by Emily on Jul 12, 2006 15:40:05 GMT -5
No it wasn't your writing! I have a kazillion things on my mind right now... so I'm not focusing, and at first I skim-read it |
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Post by Jayda on Jul 12, 2006 16:35:58 GMT -5
lol, okay. Just making sure there wasn't something I could do to fix it.
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Post by Gil Alexander on Jul 13, 2006 19:55:36 GMT -5
You have a serious talent for dialogue. Kudos.
One thing - the story might feel a bit more whole if Adriel and Jace interacted a bit with outside characters. It would make things exciting and also show more about their personalities.
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Post by Jayda on Jul 13, 2006 22:50:23 GMT -5
*blush* If you say so. Thank you!
Awesome, thank you for the suggestion! I've got Adriel's mom in the next part and soon they're actually going to make some other friends beside each other- that's why I needed the name for the little girl ;D
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Post by Emily on Jul 14, 2006 16:53:06 GMT -5
You have a serious talent for dialogue. Kudos. One thing - the story might feel a bit more whole if Adriel and Jace interacted a bit with outside characters. It would make things exciting and also show more about their personalities. *nods wisely* I agree with all that Gil said  |
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Brokenhearts
Rank 15 (On Angie's Level)
Beware, all ye who talk 2 me
Posts: 4,934
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Post by Brokenhearts on Sept 5, 2006 17:52:30 GMT -5
JAYJAY MUST COME BAK SO SHE CAN CARRY THIS OOOOOOON!!!!!!! pwease |
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Can you tell me what confused you so that maybe I can fix it?
