My Friend Jessie

[Donald Duck]

Summary thingy. (I like doin these ): They say Jessie is a freak. Jessie has no friends. A new girl moves to the town. Jessie has a friend. Jessie has a sad secret and will not tell. Jessie turns friend's life upside down.

Chap 1

I stared at the desert we passed by in the red Explorer. It seemed to go on forever. The U-Haul truck followed behind us, hauling everything we own. I hated moving. I hated having to leave my friends behind and go onto somewhere else. Somewhere they couldn't go to.

I sighed and laid back against the pillow. Wishing I was somewhere else. Some place where I could be with my friends, where time didn't exsist. Where dreams were reality. That's where I wanted to be. Not in a car having to sit by a snoring sister traveling far away from everything I knew. Everything I loved.

I know it's short but i like short chapies.

[Gil Alexander]

Cool, you have my interest. A few things, just technical:

"Somewhere they couldn't go to."

Never end a sentence with the word 'to.' I think the sentence sounds fine without changing anything else.

And you spelled 'exist' wrong in the second paragraph.

But other than that, you have a very interesting style, very sarcastic, angsty. Very nice.

[Jayda]

I stared at the desert we passed by in the red Explorer.

Hmm...this structure seems a little weird. May I recommend an 'as' between desert and we? The sentence is good, but with that part about the Explorer, it seems a bit strange. Just my two cents.

I hated having to leave my friends behind and go onto somewhere else.

'Onto' doesn't really fit. Maybe just 'to'? Except that 'to' doesn't really work either. Hmm... Once again, just a suggestion.

That's where I wanted to be.

After the previous sentence, which also contained 'where', this seems repetitive.



Nice beginning! Ignore my suggestions if you want to, this is cool.

[Donald Duck]

I dont ignore suggestions ;D thanks!