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Post by Jayda on Jul 31, 2006 21:27:02 GMT -5
Being re-done. Should be back up soon, hopefully with more to it.
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Post by Techy on Jul 31, 2006 21:47:06 GMT -5
reminds me alost of that one story we read in 7th grade about that garden. But different. Tis good writing Jadesters.
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Post by Jayda on Aug 1, 2006 15:47:30 GMT -5
Thanks very much, Techy! No idea where it's going, but we shall see.
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Duskglimmer
Rank 8 (Getting Moldy!)
Human Boomerang
McKay: Have you seen a guy? He looks like you, but with messy hair. I think I lost him somewhere...
Posts: 1,567
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Post by Duskglimmer on Aug 1, 2006 16:08:52 GMT -5
It's an interesting idea, and it definately conveys that the writer is angry... but I have to say, I feel like you're over using the swear words. I think you could make this more powerful by thinking about where you really want the emphasis and cutting out the unneccesary words.
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Post by Jayda on Aug 1, 2006 16:18:53 GMT -5
lol, you're probably right. I was just trying to take it from the girl's point of view, which involves an over amount of cussing, but I will absolutely try and cut down if you think it needs it. Thanks!
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Post by Gil Alexander on Aug 6, 2006 8:32:54 GMT -5
Hmm, interesting beginning, certainly grabs the reader's attention, lol. I think it's cool how her mood changes from self-pity to anger. Well done  |
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Post by Jayda on Aug 23, 2006 17:44:47 GMT -5
Wow, this is REALLY late, but thanks Gilly.
It is currently being re-vamped to take into account what was suggested by Dusky.
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