Post by eakyra on Sept 7, 2006 3:15:38 GMT -5
Firstly, this is my very first draft for this.
Secondly, I dont have spell check.
Things I would like to hear from you:
1. Suggestions of any kind.
2 Suggestions concerning how to make the ending seem more.. brutal. I want the end to be really shocking.
3. Suggestions on possible ways to create the effect im going for.
4. Suggestions pertaining to 1-4
5. Criticism. I can never get better unless you help me.
The Death of a Rose
By: Carmen M. Howrey
She was nervous unlike she had ever been her whole life. Her hands ran through her long blonde hair for the thirty-seventh time and straightend out the invisible wrinkles in her white sun dress. No mirror to check her face, but judging from the rest of what she'd seen of herself, it must look the way it used too.
The beach house looked just as it had so many years ago, and the sand was as warm as she remembered it beneath her bare feet. She walked a ways to where the tide was reaching for the shore and let it touch her feet. The cool water and the warm sand brought back so many memories. All of which she wished she could relive once more. The ones however that brought the most joy to her heart was of her husband and her, together in the very place where she stood now. They had loved each other unconditionally from the moment they had met, and it had never changed the whole time they were together. Even after he had gone, her love for him never ceased. A tear ran down her sun kissed cheek at the thought of knowing she would finally see her beloved again, one last time.
"Hello Rose." The gentle voice of a man came from behind her, and then the soft touch of a hand on her shoulder. She froze, unable to breath or do anything except wonder if it was real. Tears flowed more rapidly now from her dusky blue eyes, for a moment, she wondered if this was what she wanted. But then she turned around and saw him, and knew she had made the right decision.
"I've missed you Bryan." Rose said in a tender yet shakey voice. Her eyes gazed at his face. He was as she remembered him in her memories of this place. When they were young, when they knew nothing else, or had nothing else but love. His dark brown locks layed playfully on his face, and his dark brown eyes were filled with all the passion in the world. His facial hair was short, as if it had only been a few days since he had shaven last, but that was the way she loved it most. She touched his face gently, as if to make sure it was real. Then they embraced there in the midst of the setting sun.
He kissed her lightly on the forehead and whispered to her, "We dont have much time, shall we go inside?"
"Yes." She said hesitantly, but then he took her hand and all of her fears melted away. Rose felt safe once again, like she had so many years ago.
Together they walked up to the beach house where they had spent their honey moon. It wasnt anything extravegant, but the time they spend there together wouldnt be traded for anything. Up the stairs to the wrap around porch where a suspended bench sat in a corner. As Rose saw it an image of her laying on Bryans lap as they laughed and talked about the small meaningless things. She smiled as the image faded away and Bryan opened the door for her. When she walked inside the fireplace was lit and there were candles on the coffee table along with two glasses of champagne. Bryan led her to the couch and handed her the glass of sparkling gold liquid. He sat next to her and played with her golden locks of hair.
"What are you thinking about Rose?"
She gave a short sigh of a laugh and traced her finger around the rim of the glass. A smile crept upon her face as the doubt began to leave her mind.
"Everything. About you, about this place, about whats going to happen."
"Dont think about what will happen, just be here with me, now."
Rose lowered herself into his arms and held his hand in hers.
"Do you remember when we were here? And we layed here just like this almost every night? I never remember being more happy than those nights when I layed in your arms. I dreamt about it all the time after you were gone. And I would think about it before I went to sleep every night. I would imagine that you were there holding me as I fell asleep. I suppose thats why I wanted it to be this way." He didnt say anything, but held her tighter.
"Its been so hard without you all these years. I wished so many times that it was all just a dream and that any day now you would come back. And then I'd wake up in the morning, and the bed would be empty beside me. I cried alot." Then she rose and looked him in the eyes and held his hands. "I never stoped loving you Bryan. There was only you."
"You were always my one and only Rose," He said to her the way he used to when he was trying to convice her of something. He put his hand to her face and stroked her cheek.
"Then why did you leave me Bryan?" The tears started to well up in her eyes again and she looked away from him. Bryan clenched her hand tighter and pulled her face towards his.
"There was nothing I could do Rose, you know that. Im sorry I had to leave you that way, but it was my time to leave. I wish I would have never left you. I wish I could have been there with you all these years, believe me, there is so much I wanted for us. I wish there was more I could do for you now, but we are running out of time. Do you remember after we sat here at night, that I would carry you upstairs to the bedroom?"
Her face lightend up a bit and she smiled at him and nodded.
"Well then," He smiled and gathered her into his arms and stood up. "Let us retire to the bedroom my dear."
Rose smiled and giggled as he rushed her upstairs and kicked open the door. They entered the bedroom where the whole wall was just one big window that looked out unto the beach and the last of the setting sun on the horizon. Only a small line of red shown over the edge of the water now, and the stars were beggining to smile upon the heavens. The bed was centered in the middle of the window, and thats where Bryan made his way. Never taking his eyes from hers, he gently laid her down on the bed and sat down beside her. Roses eyes were growing heavy already, but she willed them to stay awake for just a few more minutes.
"Its almost time, isnt it Bryan? She said in a weary voice as she blinked her eyes.
"Yes, it is." He said softly.
"Will you promise to stay with me? Please?" She said as he grabbed his hand.
"I promise, Rose." He clenched her hand tighter and leaned down to kiss her. Their lips met in one last loving embrace. Then Rose felt a prick on her arm and looked down to see the needle in Bryans hand. She smiled and looked at him.
"I love you..." She whispered.
"I love you too, Rose."
And then she closed her eyes and her body went limp in his arms as the last of the sun set in the horizon over the ocean.
The sound of the flatline came over the hospital room. Then the doctor walked over to the body and checked the pulse, feeling nothing but the cold of death washing over the womans body. He removed his mask and slowly left the room, but turned to the nurses and said, "She's dead. Get ready for the next one, I'll be back in 30 minutes." His voice was emotionless, blank. The nurses nodded and covered the body of the woman. Stopping for a moment to look at her face once more. She looked peaceful, as if she hadnt died from a drug, but rather as if she passed in her sleep. They hung the yellow tag on her foot and checked her file to confirm her identity.
Name: Rose Marie Anthony
Date: 03/21/2009
Age: 82
Husband: Bryan Taylor Anthony (deceased 06/03/1988 Colon Cancer)
Cause of Death: The Rufeilet Virus
Treatment: Somnium
The nurse holding her file sighed deeply, and turned to the other who was wheeling the body from the room..
"Do you ever think that maybe what we're doing is wrong? I mean, I understand this is all for good cause but..." She was cut off by the other nurse.
"You must never think that. Remember, they were all going to die anyway, in the most painful of ways thanks to this new virus. So we have no choice but to end their suffering so they dont spread the virus to anyone else, we're already in a pandemic here."
The nurse beside her nodded slowly.
They stopped for a minute to put away the file to Rose Marie Anthony. It would not say how she really died, because people would not be able to handle that kind of information. Instead they created a new file for her, one that would appeal to the public.
When the finally reached the double doors at the end of the hall, two men continued on with the body. The two nurses stood there for a minute and watched.
"Do you know what they do with the bodies?"
The other nurse turned around with a smirk on her face.
"I dont want to know, and you shouldnt either."
As they both walked away the two men with the body trudged along the dark corridor. Then the faint outline of light through another set of doors appeared infront of them and the pushed the body through and suddenly they were outside.
"God, I'll never get over that stentch!" One of them said as they pushed the carted body down the rivene.
"Well, hopefully you wont be working here forever, hopefully they wont be doing this forever. But someone's got to do it." They grabbed the body's legs and arms and threw it down into a pit where several hundred other bodies had met the same fate.
"Its sad really, I mean, these people had lives before this." One said as they walked back into the building.
"Better them, then us my friend. I know I sure as hell dont want to be dumped in a pit and doused with chemical when I go."
"Me neither man."
They made it back inside and took the cart to be disinfected in the Sanitation Room. By the time they got back, there was already another body waiting for them.
Secondly, I dont have spell check.
Things I would like to hear from you:
1. Suggestions of any kind.
2 Suggestions concerning how to make the ending seem more.. brutal. I want the end to be really shocking.
3. Suggestions on possible ways to create the effect im going for.
4. Suggestions pertaining to 1-4
5. Criticism. I can never get better unless you help me.
The Death of a Rose
By: Carmen M. Howrey
She was nervous unlike she had ever been her whole life. Her hands ran through her long blonde hair for the thirty-seventh time and straightend out the invisible wrinkles in her white sun dress. No mirror to check her face, but judging from the rest of what she'd seen of herself, it must look the way it used too.
The beach house looked just as it had so many years ago, and the sand was as warm as she remembered it beneath her bare feet. She walked a ways to where the tide was reaching for the shore and let it touch her feet. The cool water and the warm sand brought back so many memories. All of which she wished she could relive once more. The ones however that brought the most joy to her heart was of her husband and her, together in the very place where she stood now. They had loved each other unconditionally from the moment they had met, and it had never changed the whole time they were together. Even after he had gone, her love for him never ceased. A tear ran down her sun kissed cheek at the thought of knowing she would finally see her beloved again, one last time.
"Hello Rose." The gentle voice of a man came from behind her, and then the soft touch of a hand on her shoulder. She froze, unable to breath or do anything except wonder if it was real. Tears flowed more rapidly now from her dusky blue eyes, for a moment, she wondered if this was what she wanted. But then she turned around and saw him, and knew she had made the right decision.
"I've missed you Bryan." Rose said in a tender yet shakey voice. Her eyes gazed at his face. He was as she remembered him in her memories of this place. When they were young, when they knew nothing else, or had nothing else but love. His dark brown locks layed playfully on his face, and his dark brown eyes were filled with all the passion in the world. His facial hair was short, as if it had only been a few days since he had shaven last, but that was the way she loved it most. She touched his face gently, as if to make sure it was real. Then they embraced there in the midst of the setting sun.
He kissed her lightly on the forehead and whispered to her, "We dont have much time, shall we go inside?"
"Yes." She said hesitantly, but then he took her hand and all of her fears melted away. Rose felt safe once again, like she had so many years ago.
Together they walked up to the beach house where they had spent their honey moon. It wasnt anything extravegant, but the time they spend there together wouldnt be traded for anything. Up the stairs to the wrap around porch where a suspended bench sat in a corner. As Rose saw it an image of her laying on Bryans lap as they laughed and talked about the small meaningless things. She smiled as the image faded away and Bryan opened the door for her. When she walked inside the fireplace was lit and there were candles on the coffee table along with two glasses of champagne. Bryan led her to the couch and handed her the glass of sparkling gold liquid. He sat next to her and played with her golden locks of hair.
"What are you thinking about Rose?"
She gave a short sigh of a laugh and traced her finger around the rim of the glass. A smile crept upon her face as the doubt began to leave her mind.
"Everything. About you, about this place, about whats going to happen."
"Dont think about what will happen, just be here with me, now."
Rose lowered herself into his arms and held his hand in hers.
"Do you remember when we were here? And we layed here just like this almost every night? I never remember being more happy than those nights when I layed in your arms. I dreamt about it all the time after you were gone. And I would think about it before I went to sleep every night. I would imagine that you were there holding me as I fell asleep. I suppose thats why I wanted it to be this way." He didnt say anything, but held her tighter.
"Its been so hard without you all these years. I wished so many times that it was all just a dream and that any day now you would come back. And then I'd wake up in the morning, and the bed would be empty beside me. I cried alot." Then she rose and looked him in the eyes and held his hands. "I never stoped loving you Bryan. There was only you."
"You were always my one and only Rose," He said to her the way he used to when he was trying to convice her of something. He put his hand to her face and stroked her cheek.
"Then why did you leave me Bryan?" The tears started to well up in her eyes again and she looked away from him. Bryan clenched her hand tighter and pulled her face towards his.
"There was nothing I could do Rose, you know that. Im sorry I had to leave you that way, but it was my time to leave. I wish I would have never left you. I wish I could have been there with you all these years, believe me, there is so much I wanted for us. I wish there was more I could do for you now, but we are running out of time. Do you remember after we sat here at night, that I would carry you upstairs to the bedroom?"
Her face lightend up a bit and she smiled at him and nodded.
"Well then," He smiled and gathered her into his arms and stood up. "Let us retire to the bedroom my dear."
Rose smiled and giggled as he rushed her upstairs and kicked open the door. They entered the bedroom where the whole wall was just one big window that looked out unto the beach and the last of the setting sun on the horizon. Only a small line of red shown over the edge of the water now, and the stars were beggining to smile upon the heavens. The bed was centered in the middle of the window, and thats where Bryan made his way. Never taking his eyes from hers, he gently laid her down on the bed and sat down beside her. Roses eyes were growing heavy already, but she willed them to stay awake for just a few more minutes.
"Its almost time, isnt it Bryan? She said in a weary voice as she blinked her eyes.
"Yes, it is." He said softly.
"Will you promise to stay with me? Please?" She said as he grabbed his hand.
"I promise, Rose." He clenched her hand tighter and leaned down to kiss her. Their lips met in one last loving embrace. Then Rose felt a prick on her arm and looked down to see the needle in Bryans hand. She smiled and looked at him.
"I love you..." She whispered.
"I love you too, Rose."
And then she closed her eyes and her body went limp in his arms as the last of the sun set in the horizon over the ocean.
The sound of the flatline came over the hospital room. Then the doctor walked over to the body and checked the pulse, feeling nothing but the cold of death washing over the womans body. He removed his mask and slowly left the room, but turned to the nurses and said, "She's dead. Get ready for the next one, I'll be back in 30 minutes." His voice was emotionless, blank. The nurses nodded and covered the body of the woman. Stopping for a moment to look at her face once more. She looked peaceful, as if she hadnt died from a drug, but rather as if she passed in her sleep. They hung the yellow tag on her foot and checked her file to confirm her identity.
Name: Rose Marie Anthony
Date: 03/21/2009
Age: 82
Husband: Bryan Taylor Anthony (deceased 06/03/1988 Colon Cancer)
Cause of Death: The Rufeilet Virus
Treatment: Somnium
The nurse holding her file sighed deeply, and turned to the other who was wheeling the body from the room..
"Do you ever think that maybe what we're doing is wrong? I mean, I understand this is all for good cause but..." She was cut off by the other nurse.
"You must never think that. Remember, they were all going to die anyway, in the most painful of ways thanks to this new virus. So we have no choice but to end their suffering so they dont spread the virus to anyone else, we're already in a pandemic here."
The nurse beside her nodded slowly.
They stopped for a minute to put away the file to Rose Marie Anthony. It would not say how she really died, because people would not be able to handle that kind of information. Instead they created a new file for her, one that would appeal to the public.
When the finally reached the double doors at the end of the hall, two men continued on with the body. The two nurses stood there for a minute and watched.
"Do you know what they do with the bodies?"
The other nurse turned around with a smirk on her face.
"I dont want to know, and you shouldnt either."
As they both walked away the two men with the body trudged along the dark corridor. Then the faint outline of light through another set of doors appeared infront of them and the pushed the body through and suddenly they were outside.
"God, I'll never get over that stentch!" One of them said as they pushed the carted body down the rivene.
"Well, hopefully you wont be working here forever, hopefully they wont be doing this forever. But someone's got to do it." They grabbed the body's legs and arms and threw it down into a pit where several hundred other bodies had met the same fate.
"Its sad really, I mean, these people had lives before this." One said as they walked back into the building.
"Better them, then us my friend. I know I sure as hell dont want to be dumped in a pit and doused with chemical when I go."
"Me neither man."
They made it back inside and took the cart to be disinfected in the Sanitation Room. By the time they got back, there was already another body waiting for them.
