Post by johnsapphire on Oct 15, 2006 14:19:27 GMT -5
The Story of King Lion and his Girlfriend Princess Okapi
Once upon a time, there lived young King Lion. This king was known for his wisdom, and much sought after for his acumen. Unfortunately, he was both egocentric and narcissistic, and well aware of his intellect. He happened to be—at the time this story takes place—in love with Princess Okapi of another kingdom, a kingdom quite a distance from his own.
One of the king’s most trusted advisers was Grand Vizier Fox. The Vizier, if anything, was more intelligent than the king himself. His cunning strategies had caused many an army to fall to the king’s. He was born, a twin, to a lowly town baker and rose to the position of Grand Vizier solely on his fortitude and longing to become king. That monarchical power was something he longed for more than anything in the world.
Meanwhile, in another realm a considerable distance from this sovereignty, there lived a princess. This princess was an okapi, so it makes sense to refer to her as Princess Okapi, and so she shall be done, henceforth. This Princess Okapi was just as in love with King Lion as he was with her. This Princess, next in line for the throne, had several advisers, most notably Vizier Fox. Vizier Fox of Princess Okapi’s kingdom was the twin of Vizier Fox of King Lion’s realm, and equally as cunning, clever, and thirsty for power as his elder brother, by five minutes.
One day, in the realm of King Lion, a letter came addressed to the king. Since the king was engaged in his twilight forty winks, the steward gave the message to Grand Vizier Fox, who was concluding his afternoon tea. Fox opened the letter, and found that it was news from a distant kingdom, with which they had affable relations. The same kingdom, in fact, that accommodated the princess whom King Fox was so very in love with. He scanned the letter, and found to his horror that the princess had perished in a terrible accident.
Grand Vizier Fox was preparing to tell the king when he had an idea: if he faked a letter to King Lion from Princess Okapi (neglecting to provide him with the notice of her death) asking Lion to come to her kingdom, King Lion would leave hastily, wanting so badly to reunite with his beloved, and chances were he would forget to arrange a cavalcade carrying rations and supplies for the arduous journey. He would, in all probability, expire en route, and thus leave the kingdom to his Grand Vizier.
Fox then proceeded to write the fake letter from the princess, finishing just as the king awoke from his siesta. King Lion perused the message, and, upon finishing, resolved to depart for the Princess’s kingdom at the first sign of light the following morning.
Morning came, and Lion departed; Fox was the only one to know of the true purpose of the king’s trip. To the rest of the kingdom, Lion was journeying to a third amenable realm to sing to the elderly. Fox smiled to himself, thinking of being instated King the next moon when Lion failed to return. He had just settled into his favorite plotting chair next to the fire the steward of the castle informed him that a young girl had arrived to see the king.
“Show her in,” he bid the steward, and the steward soon returned with the Princess Okapi.
“Aren’t you dead?!?” the shaken Vizier asked her, spilling the tea he had been drinking on his third-best suit, which he happened to be wearing at the time the story takes place, which often happens when someone is introduced to someone else that a third someone informed the first someone was dead.
“No, I am not,” the princess replied, “I faked my death so I could leave, unnoticed, from my kingdom and join King Lion in holy Girlfriendship, since my kingdom does not permit women to come of age, marry, hold property, depart on quests, and participate in other such interesting matters until they are fifty.”
“That certainly is a backwards kingdom; who would want to marry a fifty year old woman?” exclaimed Vizier.
“My thoughts precisely,” responded Princess Okapi, “But where is Lion at the moment?”
“He’s—er—out,” said Vizier, unconvincingly “Looking for something.” This wasn’t an altogether lie, but he certainly was leaving out a substantial part of the story. It happened that at that moment, Vizier Fox’s twin, vizier of Princess Okapi’s kingdom, burst into the chambers, with the King on his tail, quite literally, so that he was forced to stop and rub it for a moment, at the time this story takes place, before the action of the story, currently located in King Lion’s Queendom, could continue.
“You!” the twin said to his brother, “What are you doing sending kings to my kingdom?”
“Your kingdom! I’m the princess, and next in line for the throne,” said Princess Okapi.
“What are you doing sending princesses to my kingdom!?!” shouted Vizier Fox, somewhat falsely, as research of east Africa during the time this story takes place benefits the fact that the realm in which this story is located is not, in fact, a kingdom, but a queendom-quondam.
“I happen to be the king here,” said the king, somewhat huffily “And as such I demand that you tell me exactly what has happened here,” he continued, to no one in particular.
“I received a letter from the king asking me to come to his kingdom,” the princess began.
“I sent no such letter,” voiced the king, “So who was it that committed the fraud?”
“That was I, your grace” said the Vizier’s twin “I wrote it. The princess was not at all suited for our kingdom; she is inept at everything from etiquette to propriety, and I thought this the best and most painless way of getting rid of her.”
“So upon receiving the erstwhile king’s letter,” continued Princess Okapi, “I faked my death—”
“Another fraud,” murmured the king, “but exonerated, considering the circumstances,” Princess Okapi looked indignant, “And your—er—tender and sentimental position.”
“—and left my kingdom, undetected, before trekking to your realm,” Okapi finished.
“And how was it,” asked the king, “That I got a letter from Princess Okapi asking me to come to her kingdom, only to find her missing when I arrived?”
“That was I, your grace,” said Vizier Fox, vizier of the queendom of King Lion, “I wrote it, that you might die on your way to her realm, and I should rule the kingdom,” he again finished incorrectly, forgetting the realm was a queendom, and placing that mistake there for the umpteenth time.
“I see,” the king concluded, “Well, for your honesty and your fraud, you both are sentenced to life imprisonment in my dungeon.”
“And we can be engaged in holy boyfriend- and girlfriendship, respectively!” exclaimed Princess Okapi.
And with that, the king and his girlfriend lived happily ever after, in his queendom-quondam.
THE END
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