**NEW** The Nutters Series 2 (Please R&R)

[Creative]

The Nutters Series 2, episode 1.
"The Lift"

"I'm off to visit me old pal Danny Tarman," announced Herbert Nutter, "You coming?"
Fred tutted "Like I've got nothing better to do!"
Herbert "Have you?"
"No," replied Fred, "I haven't actually. I'll just get me coat."

On the way, Herbert glanced at the loacal cafe, "Bill's".
"Let's pop in here first for a bite to eat."
When they got to the counte, Fred said to Bill, "Right, I'll have 2 burnt toast, two charred eggs, rock hard tomatoes and half cooked sausages, garnished with a hair from your head. Oh and a cup of tea with a dash of dandruff."
"Hmm," said a confused Bill, "That's quite a difficult order to make just like that."
"Well," chuckled Fred, "You managed it fine yesterday!"
"Charming!" snapped Bill, "Finished insulting my food yet?"
"Well, now you mention it," Fred retorted, "I haven't. Now let's see, the sausages are so full of fat they can't see their feet. And the bacon's swimming in grease."
"Greece?" Bill replied, "I heard it's going to france next year. which is where I wish YOU were!"

Later, Fred and herbert entered the block of flats where Danny livved.
Along with a scruffily dressed man in his forties, and a woman in her early thirties with a baby, Fred and Herbert entered the lift.
The scruffy man, woman and Fred pressed the buttons for the floors they wanted to go to.
The lift doors closed, but the lift stayed where it was.
"It's not moving," Herbert tutted, pressing the button for floor six again.
Fred rolled his eyes, "And the award for stating the obvious goes to..."
"Here, let me try." said the woman with the baby. she pressed all the numbers in the lift, but to no avail.
So she pressed the 'door open' button, but still nothing happened.
"Only one thing for it, she said, pressing the alarm button.
"Great!" she snapped, "That's broken too."
"I'll use my mobile." Fred piped up, but...
"Brilliant! No signal! We're trapped!"


Later, the baby started crying.
"He needs his nappy changing. Sorry, but it has to be done."
After she'd finished, she said "My Mum's just got me this bag for my birthday, I can't put the nappy in here."
"Give it here," Fred said holding his nose, "I'll put it in my bag for now."
He was about to put it into the carrier bag he had containing an umbrella an a jacket, but stopped when he noticed nobody was looking, and threw it behind him instead.
A few minutes later, the woman with the baby pulled a pen and notepad from her bag and started scribbling something down. She tore off the sheet she had written on and gave it to Fred.
"My number, " she whispered, "Call me."

Late, fred said "I might be able to send a text message. Fortunately, he could so he sent one to his pal Jupiter with the details of what had happed and where they were.
"I'm having a sit down." sighed Herbert.
He sat down on the lift floor.
"Eurgh!" he grimmaced, "I've sat in something."
He puled the 'something' from underneath him, "A dirty nappy" he groaned.

Eventually, after Jupiter 'phoned them, the fire brigade arrived and freed those stuck in the lift.

Later, back at hom, Herbert opened a packet of 'Eat Me' dates. He held the pack out to Fred, "Fancy a date?" he said.
"No, thanks," Fred replied with a grin, "I've already got one!"

The End

[Chris]

I think this story is about a father and son pair who get stuck with a woman and her baby in an elevator, and craziness ensues. I think this story's purpose is to entertain through comedy, and I think this story's intended audience is your fellow guildians. The following review is based upon the preceeding assumptions.

I have lost officially lost faith in this series. Put a fork in it; it's dead.

Fred and Herbert are back again with another "crazy" adventure. Forgive me as I spare the details, and skip right to my impression, which you might have guessed won't be favorable.

Although it's doesn't hit the rock-bottom low of the third episode of the first series, it's nowhere near as good as the first one. It's about on the same par with the second one, and if anything it isn't even that high. The humor is as dry as white meat. It's flat, unoriginal, and it never delivers on its attempts at comedy. The pace, as always with Creative's writing, constantly hops and skips ahead randomly and patchily, and it constantly underestimates its readers.

Still, I have to get say that it gets a B for effort, and it might as well be the holy grail of comedy in comparison to the one before. Let's take it as a sign that this is the first step back in the right direction for the author, and that our hope that the next one that will pull out of this funk that it's found itself will not be in vain.

[Creative]

Sorry, I'm not killing the series' just yet. I enjoy writing it. I'm going to post the rest of series 2, which has been changed from the two planned episodes to a 2-part Christmas Special "Christmas Declarations". But I will try to make it better, and believe it or not, some people do like it.

[Creative]

creative said:

Sorry, I'm not killing the series' just yet. I enjoy writing it. I'm going to post the rest of series 2, which has been changed from the two planned episodes to a 2-part Christmas Special "Christmas Declarations". But I will try to make it better, and believe it or not, some people do like it.

The Christmas Special has been cancelled, and replaced with "The Rover Returns".

[Chris]

Creative, I'm so sorry about the harsh criticism I always seem to give to you. Whenever I read any of my past reviews of your works I feel like I've been such a bitch. I'm sorry that I've been so harsh, and I've never meant to hurt or discourage you. Kudos for being such a great sport about it. Definitely exalt worthy. I promise that I'll try to keep myself in check from now. Seriously. Don't let anything I say ward you off from doing what you want to do.

On the flip side though, I mean what I say when I say that I don't think this is your best work. I know for a fact that you can do much better than this, because I really got a kick out of the pilot of your series. But where there the jokes flowed a little naturally, and it was fun to see your main character cleverly outwitting someone else, here you have a date joke that is reaching at best and of all things a poo joke. Granted, I liked the bits at the start about Fred having nothing better to do and about the play on Greece and grease, but for the most part I got that your were just fishing for laughs. I could actually imagine that you thought of all the punch lines separately and you just figured you make a story that somehow strung them all together. And it shows.

Bottom line: you have the comedy chops, you're a great writer and your work has merit. And thus, you don't have to listen to a word I say. But if you do, listen to this: don't reach for your jokes, and don't paste some punch lines in a story and call it a comedy. Your readers will be able to tell when you are trying too hard and when they are being underestimated. Just write your story and let the funny flow naturally.