A Troubled Affair (please R&R)

[Erik]

Briefly, this is a story (well a narrative at any rate) written for my English teacher to be submitted as coursework at the end of this academic year. All reviews would be appreciated - both constructive, and well not so. ;D

~

It was unseasonably chilly for the time of year. The moist air was damp and thick, clinging to the urban streets uneasily. Far below the skyscrapers, once handsome flowers blew softly in the wind, their forms now withered and shrunken - dying. Rigid trees creaked anxiously in the breeze and dogs howled nervously from the distant suburbs. As the people far below carried on oblivious, a feeling of restlessness and anger was creeping over the still bustling city; engulfing the skyline. Striding along Bishopsgate, their mundane lives carrying on as usual, they did not notice the unnatural stiffness that gripped the metropolis. If they had only stood and stopped they would have felt it; Mother Nature was troubled.

‘It should be hotter than this’ Marcus thought as he swiftly paced the pavement, dust billowing around his immaculate Armani trousers. Feet clad in soft leather, his steps were purposeful yet gentle - grey, calculating eyes locked in front of him – his steely gaze resolute, unwavering. Daring glints of light pierced through the overcast sky and shone down upon his slender form, the radiance of their beams warming him, only to be brusquely obscured by passing cloud cover, veiling a magnificent azure heaven. It was almost as if it was forbidden to taint the bleak firmament that had shrouded the district.

Quickening his pace, Marcus sharply turned the corner and manoeuvred himself around the swarm of suited replicas typically assembled on the thoroughfare. Approaching the entrance, the doors to the complex swung open in front of him and smartly he made his way towards the lift.

‘Good morning Mr. Townsford’ the young woman behind the desk beamed, flashing him a dazzling, white smile. Nodding in return, Marcus carried on his path, satisfied. He didn’t know the girl, of course, but it was pleasant of her to greet him nonetheless. Then again, as she had no doubt heard, flattery will get you anywhere in the insincere society of today. In all likelihood she was after a pay rise, thought the tycoon shrewdly, but who could blame her, chances as rare as they had become now? Marcus had done the same thing in his youth and whilst ironically and rather hypocritically he frowned on it now, he couldn’t help but feel a slight admiration for her nerve. He might have to think about increasing her salary, after all he noted to himself. Providing she didn’t do it too often, naturally.

Entering the elevator the director examined himself in the mirror, brushing a single silver strand from his face as he leisurely began his ascent. A striking mane, his silver hair was an impressive sight, reminiscent of a lion, and he had the nobility of the great beast to match. Well-groomed and dapper he was the antithesis of many of his junior executives, having his suits tailor made at an old premises on Saville Row. Yet as his encounter just moments ago had reminded him, he was getting old and he knew it. He no longer commanded the respect he once did; the people who once would have taken his testaments as gospel now consciously dismissed his views, satisfying him only to maintain a firm grasp on their jobs. Even common courtesies such as smiling were dispensed with when deemed not necessary. There was no escape from it. His power and youth had dwindled. Everyday there was another wrinkle. His wife could call it a laughter line until she was blue in the face, but no - he was starting to show his age. Efficiency personified, he was at the top of his game, but he just wasn’t quite as sharp as he used to be.

The lift shuddered to a halt, and Marcus Townsford glided out, composed and ready. As he had done for twenty years, he entered his office, poured himself a large scotch and sat gently at his maple desk reading the daily newspaper his secretary had placed ready for him.

Julia had been the secretary of the company director for the last fifteen years. Competent and intelligent she could read Marcus like a book. She knew for example that he was stringent about routine and she knew that he did not like to be disturbed early in the morning

This is why it came as rather a shock to Marcus to find that Julia broke both of those rules that morning.
‘Sorry to disturb you Marcus but it’s Robert on the line. He says he needs to talk to you’
‘Surely it can wait’ replied the disgruntled businessman.
‘No, I don’t think so- he says it urgent.’
‘Right tell I’ll be there in five’ groaned a weary Mr. Townsford
Putting the phone down Marcus thought of what Robert could want. Having worked with the man for years he had come to know him well and knew he wouldn’t have disturbed him had it not been important. If the truth were told Robert had grown to be more or less a partner.

Closing the door to the conference room behind him Marcus was somewhat startled to see before him, assembled, his entire board of directors. Sitting solemnly there they looked gravely at him, before Robert stood and came toward him.

‘We didn’t have a meeting this morning, did we? ’ asked Marcus Townsford, normally the most perceptive of people. Suddenly he noticed the expressions which still lingered on the faces of his staff who had quickly tried to disguise their apprehension. ‘What’s the problem?’ he enquired- his voice laced with concern.

‘Marcus’ started Robert ‘our profits are below all the projectiles. We can’t cover our expenses- we’re losing money. Now it’s been like this for months but it’s more serious now-the shares are going down. We’ve laid off all the people we can. It can’t go any further. The public are losing respect for the firm. Now we could try a new strategy perhaps, buy cheaper materials but it won’t save us. We need to get out. We’ve all talked and we think you should liquidate the company. I know it means a lot to you but…’

There was more but Marcus didn’t hear. He had expected it some day perhaps but not then and not from Robert. If there was one person who he had thought was unlike the others, one person who he thought he could be honest with, it was Robert. Yet he was wrong. This man was no different from any of the others, not from the clones on the street outside, nor to the other men in this suite. It was a forged relationship, a fabrication, and it sickened Marcus to the bone. He gazed around at the now fretful faces of the men seated at his desk, and saw the apprehension in their deflated bodies. Well he knew what they wanted, but he wasn’t going to make it quite that easy for them. Tentatively a smirk crept across the old executives face and his gaze, cool, settled on Robert.

‘So?’ asked Robert hesitantly ‘Will you?’
‘No’ replied Townsford flatly.
‘What! Didn’t you listen to a word I just said?’
Laughing, making no effort to disguise his glee, Marcus Townsford interrupted ‘I listened to every word you said but my answer is no’
‘But the company will go under’ retorted the executive
‘Maybe it will but I’ll take that chance. And I think I’ll take it without you as well, if you don’t mind. ’ replied his boss smugly.
‘You’re a foolish old cretin’ hollered Robert Pinner whilst he stormed out of the room and Marcus’ company for ever, his nine allies in hot pursuit.

‘Perhaps I am’ muttered Marcus to himself but I’ll be a blissful one.

The next day was warm and sunny. During the night a storm had passed and the air was fresh and clear. Everything was back to normal. Well close to normal at any rate. Marcus, for one, hadn’t felt so rejuvenated in years. He felt young again. Free from the jurisdiction of those who had been his executive committee, he was finally back where he belonged. At last Mother Nature, and indeed Marcus, was at peace.

[Chris]

I think this story is about a man who fears he is losing his influence as he ages. I think this story is meant to entertain through workplace drama and exploring age in the workplace, and I think this story's intended audience is your English teacher and your fellow guildians. The following review shows my analysis based on the preceding assumptions.

The weather is acting up, and Marcus Townsford thinks it foreshadows trouble. Thus is the ego of this tycoon, which constantly emanates through him, whether it be through his expensive threads, his steely gaze or his silvery "mane". He says he is a lion (and maybe he is) , and his ego is so big that the weather itself must become restless when trouble is in his horizon.

But perchance this lion's ego is only a way to mask the fears of insignificance that age brings. He realizes that things change with time, and the Marcus Townsford who's co-workers "took his testaments as gospels" is fading away, and now only figurative yes-men who nod their heads at his views only to keep their jobs intact. The young woman at the desk is the physical embodiment of this as she gives him a cheerful greeting that he suspects is only for her own selfish ends. He, the lion he is, condescends to merely nod in return, nary a word as he strides past, the tower of grace and efficiency and ego that he is

Though aware that he is being treated like he no longer has any relevance, Marcus never fully realizes that perhaps he is treated that way because he really is losing his touch with age. He is a bundle of contradictions: he mildly criticizes the young woman for her greeting, thinking that she's looking for a pay raise, then in the same breath praises her for her initiative and says that he would have done the same; he says that he's better than he ever was and at the same time he isn't ("he was at the top of his game, but he just wasn’t quite as sharp as he used to be."). Most importantly, he says himself that he's not as good as he used to be, but he is irritated when people treat him that way. Why? Because he's a lion, of course.

The lion is tested when Robert, his trusted associate, almost a partner, confronts him about the company's state of disarray, and recommends that the company be liquidated. As Robert babbles on about the problems, an internal conflict presents itself to Marcus, personified by the company's imminent demise. Does he fight to keep the company alive, and show them the lion can still roar? Or will the lion roll over on its back and die, and the company with him?

The lion, roll over? Psh. As I've said, Marcus may be coming to terms with the fact that he may be past his prime, but when anyone else says or does anything to make him believe otherwise, he most likely won't stand for it. That added to the fact that he has trusted Robert like a partner, and Robert and his associates have shown that his trust in them was misguided is just more salt in the wound of his aging ego, and he has to show them that even though they think they know better, the lion knows best. It is no surprise in the least when he tells Robert and co. to take a hike.

The next day, all is right with the world. The trouble the weather foreshadowed just for Marcus has dissipated, and in its place there is sunshine. The sun is bright, and apparently so is the future, to Marcus at least, who feels young and rejuvenated again now that he's gotten to show the judicial committee that he is still the king of the jungle.

Marcus is his own worst enemy. He is convinced that his co-workers think he's no longer relevant, not realizing that he is most likely imagining it because he is the one who is insecure about himself. He blows everything out of proportion, from the greeting of the desk clerk that could possibly be just as innocent as it seems, to Robert's warnings of liquidating the company which might just be in his best interests. He sees them both as insults, and in both cases he uses the defense of his ego to reassure himself that he is not over the hill, even though he knows deep down that maybe he is.

My chief concern is the possibility that I'm misinterpreting what I'm reading, that I'm digging deeper than what there really is (I have a tendency of doing that). I don't think I am, but just in case, and since this is a school assignment, there are some things I want to look at that seem to be less potent when looked at on the surface.

1. " ‘Good morning Mr. Townsford’ the young woman behind the desk beamed, flashing him a dazzling, white smile. Nodding in return, Marcus carried on his path, satisfied. He didn’t know the girl, of course, but it was pleasant of her to greet him nonetheless. Then again, as she had no doubt heard, flattery will get you anywhere in the insincere society of today. In all likelihood she was after a pay rise, thought the tycoon shrewdly, but who could blame her, chances as rare as they had become now? Marcus had done the same thing in his youth and whilst ironically and rather hypocritically he frowned on it now, he couldn’t help but feel a slight admiration for her nerve. He might have to think about increasing her salary, after all he noted to himself. Providing she didn’t do it too often, naturally. "

This is perhaps the standout illogical thing in the work. One could say he reads way too much into a smile and a "Good Morning". He says that she's using flattery to get what she wants, but I see no such flattery. Perhaps you could emphasize just why he saw flattery in what she did. Maybe he thought she was smiling too wide, acting too cheerily. Maybe she'd never done it before that day that made it unusual and suspect. Just give the reader some reason to believe that his suspicions aren't entirely unfounded.

2. "Yet as his encounter just moments ago had reminded him, he was getting old and he knew it. He no longer commanded the respect he once did; the people who once would have taken his testaments as gospel now consciously dismissed his views, satisfying him only to maintain a firm grasp on their jobs. Even common courtesies such as smiling were dispensed with when deemed not necessary."

Again, there is something irrational about all this. It seems to me that he's saying that his encounter with the clerk is proof that he's getting old, that he's not getting respect, that he's being dismissed. I don't see any possible way for him to see all this. She's done nothing for him to believe that he's old. Her greeting is not a sign of disrespect, but quite the opposite, in my opinion. Perhaps she's doing it to keep a "firm grasp" on her job, but she's certainly not dismissing his views in any way.

He even goes on to contradict himself, saying that "common courtesies were dispensed with when deemed not necessary". I believe he's saying that dispensing with these common courtesies, even if unnecessary, isn't right, but then how can he cut into the clerk for greeting him? I assumed that contradictory behavior was just part of his character, but in case it wasn't intentional, this should be looked into. Like I said in the first issue, though, just a little more rationale/reasoning behind this twisted logic is enough to sort it out.

3. "He had expected it some day perhaps but not then and not from Robert. If there was one person who he had thought was unlike the others, one person who he thought he could be honest with, it was Robert. Yet he was wrong. This man was no different from any of the others, not from the clones on the street outside, nor to the other men in this suite. It was a forged relationship, a fabrication, and it sickened Marcus to the bone."

Here, if I look at it topically, I don't see why Marcus would get so mad. In fact, it sort of looks like Robert is trying to save him from going down with a sinking ship. Perhaps it would be more effective for you to clarify just what it was about what Robert said or did that made Marcus feel so betrayed or used or fooled.

4. I took the liberty of assuming you were using the bad weather and the 'anger' and 'restlessnes' in the city to foreshadow the trouble that Marcus would have with Robert, and the good weather to foreshadow the smooth sailing that came after the confrontation and how things would turn around for him in the future. If I assumed correctly, and you were using the weather for this reason, then I think that you should describe the city at the end like you did in the beginning, only this with the intent of illustrating how the 'anger' and 'restlessness' were now gone, and what was left in its place.

The most major appeal this story had for me was the theme. I think that choosing to explore how Marcus was being treated (or rather imagined how he was being treated) in the workplace because of his age was a very wise, mature choice for an assignment, and you handled the subject matter in an appropriate if albeit unengaging way.

I think that, whether I look at it on the surface or I dig deeper for hidden meanings, this story was very bland and unappealing, but it was adequately written, very smart, and a perfect choice for a narrative school assignment that will certainly get the good grade it deserves.