Post by Creative on Dec 31, 2006 13:38:53 GMT -5
Warning: Contains bad language and TV spoilers for tonights Coronation Street and Heartbeat (UK)
The Nutters, Series 2, Episode 2: The Rover Returns.
Fred is sitting in a battered old armchair, smoking a cigar and mutters "It's freezing in this house.".
"'Ere, give us one of them" Herbert says.
Fred lights another cigar and throws it towards Herbert, only for it to land on the carpet.
Herbert frantically picks it up and stamps out the ashes on the carpet "It won't be bloody freezing if you set the house on fire, will it?" he says in disgust,
"You're a hooligan!"
Fred isn't really listening and replies "Thanks."
After taking another puff of his cigar he asks "What are you doing for the new year? Any resolutions?"
Picking up a glass of whisky and coke, he takes a sip and says "To quit smoking and to stop drinking so much!"
Fred eyes the cigar in one hand and the glass in the other "Great start you've made, I see!"
"Don't be sarcastic," Herbert responds, "There. I've made one for YOU."
"I LIKE being sarcastic, I'll make my own resolutions thanks."
"Like what?"
"Well, you know how I always break my resolutions?"
"And?"
"Well I've decided not to make any!"
Later on, the Nutters are watching Coronation Street.
"That Jason's got no morals," Herbert tutted, "Have you heard this? He wants baby Holly to go into care."
"A bit like my mother", Fred says sadly.
"I'm sorry," Herbert says, "I didn't mean to bring her up into the conversation."
"Don't worry about it," Fred replies, "You didn't. I did. I remember waiting at the school gates for her when I was 7. She didn't turn up that day, you did. In fact, I've never seen her since. Left a note on the table, do you remember that?"
"Yes, I do," Herbert says sadly, "All it said was 'Got another man. Fred, Herbert, I'm sorry, Love Denise'. Pah! She doesn't know the meaning of the word sorry."
"Or love, for that matter," Fred added, "Let's change the subject now. Oh Hertbeat's on next."
"It was better with Green Grass in it."
"I still like it though," Fred replied.
Heartbeat comes on the TV and the Nutters are quiet for a while.
"I feel old," Fred eventually says, "Here we are, watching Heartbeat on a Sunday night. Oh, Walker's just hit him with the truncheon."
"It was an accident though," Herbert says.
"Yeah, anyway, let's turn this off and head to a club" ventures Fred.
"What? At our ages? I'm 59!"
"Yeah, it'll be a laugh."
"Laughing stocks more like!"
Eventually Fred pursuades Fred to go.
"A couple of drinks before we go, then we'll get going. The bus is due in an hour, so we've got time."
While they were enjoying a drink, Fred said "Have you seen those lollypops you can get with insects in? They're meant to be edible, real live, well, dead, insects.
Can you imagine tucking into THAT?"
"Yes, I'm sure I've seen insects in the food in Mike's Cafe." Herbert replied.
"Wouldn't surprise me," Fred tutted, "He's a dirty bastard, him. Should be closed down."
"But he owns the cheapest cafe round here," Herbert put in.
"Yeah, I'll give him that, he does. The dirtiest, smelliest, scruffiest, most unhygenic cafe, but it IS the cheapest!"
Eventually, Fred has drank his drink, but Herbert still has a little left..
"Ready to go?" Fred asks.
"Yeah, I'll just get me coat," Herbert replies, "It's colder than a snowman's private parts out there!"
Just then, there is a knock at the front door.
Fred tuts, "It's always the way! Just going out and some bugger comes round, just at the very moment you're leaving."
"I'll answer it," Herbert says, "If we wait for you to finish gabbing, they'll be stood out there for hours!"
Herbert goes to the front door, carrying what is left of his drink, opens it, and drops the glass in shock.
Fred hears the glass shattering in the hallway and goes to see who it is.
As he gets near the door, he stops, open-mouthed and takes a step back.
"Mum!" he gasps.
To be continued...
Episode 3 of the second series is next week, will Fred and Herbert let Fred's mum stick around? Find out next week in an extra long episode!
The Nutters, Series 2, Episode 2: The Rover Returns.
Fred is sitting in a battered old armchair, smoking a cigar and mutters "It's freezing in this house.".
"'Ere, give us one of them" Herbert says.
Fred lights another cigar and throws it towards Herbert, only for it to land on the carpet.
Herbert frantically picks it up and stamps out the ashes on the carpet "It won't be bloody freezing if you set the house on fire, will it?" he says in disgust,
"You're a hooligan!"
Fred isn't really listening and replies "Thanks."
After taking another puff of his cigar he asks "What are you doing for the new year? Any resolutions?"
Picking up a glass of whisky and coke, he takes a sip and says "To quit smoking and to stop drinking so much!"
Fred eyes the cigar in one hand and the glass in the other "Great start you've made, I see!"
"Don't be sarcastic," Herbert responds, "There. I've made one for YOU."
"I LIKE being sarcastic, I'll make my own resolutions thanks."
"Like what?"
"Well, you know how I always break my resolutions?"
"And?"
"Well I've decided not to make any!"
Later on, the Nutters are watching Coronation Street.
"That Jason's got no morals," Herbert tutted, "Have you heard this? He wants baby Holly to go into care."
"A bit like my mother", Fred says sadly.
"I'm sorry," Herbert says, "I didn't mean to bring her up into the conversation."
"Don't worry about it," Fred replies, "You didn't. I did. I remember waiting at the school gates for her when I was 7. She didn't turn up that day, you did. In fact, I've never seen her since. Left a note on the table, do you remember that?"
"Yes, I do," Herbert says sadly, "All it said was 'Got another man. Fred, Herbert, I'm sorry, Love Denise'. Pah! She doesn't know the meaning of the word sorry."
"Or love, for that matter," Fred added, "Let's change the subject now. Oh Hertbeat's on next."
"It was better with Green Grass in it."
"I still like it though," Fred replied.
Heartbeat comes on the TV and the Nutters are quiet for a while.
"I feel old," Fred eventually says, "Here we are, watching Heartbeat on a Sunday night. Oh, Walker's just hit him with the truncheon."
"It was an accident though," Herbert says.
"Yeah, anyway, let's turn this off and head to a club" ventures Fred.
"What? At our ages? I'm 59!"
"Yeah, it'll be a laugh."
"Laughing stocks more like!"
Eventually Fred pursuades Fred to go.
"A couple of drinks before we go, then we'll get going. The bus is due in an hour, so we've got time."
While they were enjoying a drink, Fred said "Have you seen those lollypops you can get with insects in? They're meant to be edible, real live, well, dead, insects.
Can you imagine tucking into THAT?"
"Yes, I'm sure I've seen insects in the food in Mike's Cafe." Herbert replied.
"Wouldn't surprise me," Fred tutted, "He's a dirty bastard, him. Should be closed down."
"But he owns the cheapest cafe round here," Herbert put in.
"Yeah, I'll give him that, he does. The dirtiest, smelliest, scruffiest, most unhygenic cafe, but it IS the cheapest!"
Eventually, Fred has drank his drink, but Herbert still has a little left..
"Ready to go?" Fred asks.
"Yeah, I'll just get me coat," Herbert replies, "It's colder than a snowman's private parts out there!"
Just then, there is a knock at the front door.
Fred tuts, "It's always the way! Just going out and some bugger comes round, just at the very moment you're leaving."
"I'll answer it," Herbert says, "If we wait for you to finish gabbing, they'll be stood out there for hours!"
Herbert goes to the front door, carrying what is left of his drink, opens it, and drops the glass in shock.
Fred hears the glass shattering in the hallway and goes to see who it is.
As he gets near the door, he stops, open-mouthed and takes a step back.
"Mum!" he gasps.
To be continued...
Episode 3 of the second series is next week, will Fred and Herbert let Fred's mum stick around? Find out next week in an extra long episode!
