Because You Suck [part 2]

[roxythekiller]

This is a story based off notes I took on high school. It's a gay love story between two boys. I don't want to offend anyone, I just think gender equality will advance the plot by eliminating the sexism found in so many romance stories. This story has some raciness, and the plot will get deeper in the next installments. PLEASE GIVE ME FEEDBACK ^_^!:

The deep blue water glistened under the sultry glare of the afternoon sun. His bare feet were at the edge of the pool, and his sun kissed skin shone with a thin sheen of sweat. He was only a freshman, but well built and handsome, with glossy black hair and bright blue eyes. Gentry wanted him the moment he saw him, the moment those blue eyes narrowed and that smile flashed.
Gentry had seen him before. By comparison, he was pale and lightly freckled, with long limbs and a good, sturdy body. He had dusty red hair and sullen brown eyes, with pale, swollen lips that faded into a rosy hue towards the lipline. He was handsome, and he acknowledged it tiredly. However, if one thing moved out of its place, it could ruin his day, month, or even year. He meandered through the high school crowds at the speed that came with being an upperclassman, carefully avoiding the cracks between the narrow floor tiles. He growled in annoyance when he was almost tripped onto a crevice by an awkward, hooded figure covered in heavy layers of clothes and large, gleaming glasses.
“Sorry!” Came the figure’s quiet voice, apologizing more out of habit than consideration.
Gentry mutely moved to go on, but a sleeved hand grasped his arm,”Wait! Where's room 401?”
“I have to get to class. Move.”
“I asked everyone.” The hooded figure seemed desperate,”They keep giving me wrong directions.”
“What are you, a freshman?” Gentry asked skeptically.
It looked a little tall to be a freshman, yet it answered with a resolute nod.
“I’ll show you.” Gentry started to walk, and the It, as Gentry had now mentally nicknamed it, eagerly kept pace.
“Thanks… Everyone here thinks I’m stupid. I was assigned a “buddy” to show me around, but I lost her. I think she was trying to lose me. See, I’m a transfer student. From Estonia… I'm here for the freshman swim team.”
“You shouldn’t have transferred. Freshmen swim is a joke here.”
“Well, I’m different. I won’t be a joke.” Came the cocky reply.
“Of course.” Gentry murmured, swerving over a crevice to avoid stepping onto the large cement tile where the trash can stood. Few things bothered him more than that tile.
The It watched this ritual with carefully concealed amusement, before raising its quiet voice to ask,” What’s your name?”
“Gentry.” Replied the redhead, briskly stopping in front of the door to room 401.
The shrouded figure grinned, “Zach."

[Chris]

Hi Roxy, and welcome to the site!

Wow, you've really been hard at work at this, huh? 34 parts! Insane. I haven't come anywhere near that. You're so dedicated.

Anyway, I promise to give a review after I check out some of the other chapters, because I normally don't give reviews to things I have read in their entirety. Besides, if I reviewed just this teeny part I just read, you'll have to admit that I wouldn't have much to say. I sincerely promise to read the other parts, though, because we have been seriously lacking in the non-hetero romance department here and it sounds like it has potential.

Again, welcome to the site. I hope you can share what you know as well as learn from us, and have a blast all the while. See ya around.

[Chris]

The following review is based the following facts and assumptions: (a)This story is meant to entertain through drama, romance and shock value, (b) this story's intended audience is your fellow guildians, and (c) this story is about the tumultuous romance between two guys on the swim team. As I have only read the first chapter of this story, the opinions expressed her should be regarded as preliminary, and will very likely change with time.

Having read all three parts of the first chapter of this inarguably striking piece of work, I find myself torn between the impressions it has made on me on the countless times I have read it. Do I find it a salacious love story that is jarringly different than anything I've ever read here? Or is it just smut pretending to be more than it actually is? Whatever the case, roxythekiller's racy story makes it clear that this newcomer to the guild is definitely one to keep your eye on as she teeters between the lines of edgy romance and trashy soft porn, and probably cackling loudly all the while as she does so.

Gentry, a moody, a too-cool-for-school swimmer, eyes something tasty, and wants it from the very moment he sees it. And by it, I mean Zach, the talkative, smart freshman transfer from Estonia. From then on for me it's a mad whirlwind of surreal non-sequitors as I struggle to figure out whether or not I'm missing something in between the lines as Gentry plays the fiercest game of hot-and-cold with poor Zack that I have ever seen. One moment he's rudely surly and showing the cold shoulder, and the next he's .... showing a lot more as they play tonsil hockey in the locker room. The fact that Gentry does in some twisted way care for Zack is always clear, but just why he toys and taunts and twists him every which way isn't. It certainly isn't to keep up appearances, because there are hints that the other guys on the swim team, particularly team leader Carly, know exactly what is going on between them. I honestly wish they'd clue me in, because I'm still scratching my head in confusion.

The biggest positive of it all is the tour-de-force character work roxythekiller is doing with Gentry. Somehow he is the most fascinating aspect of it all, despite having to contest with the racy, underaged gay sex going on. A complex person to the point of senselessness, Gentry's erratic, enigmatic behavior is a huge draw for me, and is probably the only thing that keeps me from believing that all this is more than just some horny schoolgirl's fantasy of hot swimmer guys doing it. This well-rounded, well thought out, outstandingly random personality goes down like a creamy hunk of chocolate cake that you can't get enough of.

Other positives include the originality of the direction the plot seems to be heading. roxythekiller does a very good job of steering away from the trappings of the conventional, cliched love story, and has created a totally unique feel in what is normal a tired, blase genre. Also, she doesn't ever resort to shoving sex in the reader's face, and reigns herself in to be just tame enough to not be overly explicit but still potent enough to get your blood pumping. Or your skin crawling, depending on how you look at it.

My biggest concern is that, no matter what euphemism you use to describe it and no matter how you try to justify it, there's no getting around the fact that these two characters are just teenagers whose sexual relationship materializes out of thin air. Glamorizing sex like that on a site predominantly frequented by people in the same age range could really send a wrong message to the audience. This is worsened by the fact that it's hard to judge whether Zack and Dentry have any feelings that aren't sexual between them, and this lends itself to the theory that maybe this is just trashy and roxythekiller is simply being controversial for controversy's sake, or is just writing porn.

Overall, it's up to the reader to make up their own minds as to whether this is literature posing as smut, or the other way around. In my opinion, I do think there is literary merit to what I've read and not just porn, but that perhaps the gratuitous sex is just a smidge too much for the YWG to be a suitable medium for it. And even if it is just smut, it is really good as far as smut goes. This work falls under the category of a guilty pleasure, one things you'll never admit to liking but you can't help yourself from getting into. Just be forewarned that it's a dirty, racy affair that may make you want to take a bath after it's all said and done (or if you're anything like me, a cold shower).

[roxythekiller]

I loved the last review, and totally blushed when I read it. Pestilence, you are so right ;D! This story has a soft porn aspect. The characters are underage, but only because most guys lose their virginity at 15. The sex is casual because most guys don't take their virginity as seriously as girls do. I understand your moral concerns, but literture isn't meant to be a moral guidinglight (otherwise classics such as Romeo and Juliet should never be read.) I wrote the story in a sexy way to get peoples' attention, but the story is not only porn. I hope Because You Suck stimulates the mind as well as the body .
I will continue posting this story in order on this thread, but anyone who wishes to read ahead can head on over to the story's home, at www.roxythekiller.blogspot.com.


Some people were pleasantly talkative. Gentry concluded Zach was not one of them.
“…Personally, I don’t really mind math, I just don’t like literature.”
Gentry wondered why he, of all people, had the dubious honor of sitting next to this boring, talkative geek in math class, of all dislikable classes.
“Like okay I wanted to take a higher math class but they didn’t let me, so now I’m stuck here." Zach drawled,"It sort of sucks but I guess it’s all right, I can deal with Algebra II. Though I really wanted Calculus.” Gentry noted Zach sneered when he talked. It was either a sneer or a purr, with small exclamations every so often. He tapped his pen, keeping in rhythm, with Zach’s fast voice.
“… I really miss Estonia, though, at least I knew people there.”
“I’ll bet.”
“But yeah I just hope people don’t think I’m a geek or anything.”
“Then don’t talk so much. People here don’t like it.”
“You weren’t saying anything.” countered Zach defensively,"And who says people like you being quiet all the time? I only started talking to you cause you seemed bored with yourself!"
Gentry glanced at Zach’s table, noting he had finished all his homework in class. Gentry hadn’t even started the first task.
He neatly put his unfinished paper into his binder, shaking his head, and sighed as the lunch bell rang. Zach noisily threw his books into his backpack and walked alongside Gentry without asking.
“… My parents used to worry I wouldn't talk, I was in therapy for weeks because they thought it was a sign of trauma...”
A part of Gentry pitied Zach: someone who was so lonely he would talk to anyone remotely conscious. But on the other hand, he didn’t seem desperate. In fact, he was self-assured to the point of cockiness and rudeness. Gentry wanted to bring the insolent boy to his knees.

The water was a strong shade of blue, glistening under the harsh glare of the sun. Those equally blue eyes shone slightly, and the tanned boy gave a small smile to the redhead. The pool was just starting to fill with swimmers, and as always, the freshman team was slacking off instead of practicing. They had all four years of high school to get their act together, and had no interest in wasting their freshman year working. Zach stood apart from the other boys, peering down into the water's murky depths before he sensed Gentry's presence beside him. They exchanged wordless smiles, then stood silently beside each other. A pale, cold hand took Zach’s, and warmth crept into the freshman’s face.
"Come on."
Zach's blood ran cold as Gentry started to pull him towards the boys' locker room. Some of the other boys looked at him, pretending they didn’t see or whispering peevishly to each other. But he surveyed them coolly, and gave a little smirk as he followed Gentry.

[AshVersion2]

I'm proud to say that, yes, I have read this in its entirety. It grips you, especially with the characters - Zack and Gentry are interesting to read about and wonder about and think 'wtf?' about, lol. Chapter 2 is a lot longer than Chapter 1, which is where most of the steaminess happens - which is how, in Chapter 2, you can get into the characters and start to care about them. Which, I think, is great - those who get over the original 'shock' will read on, and like it or like it even more, lol. Good job.

I'm not very good at critiques - I'll leave that to Pesto here.

[roxythekiller]

Yes, here's the next part of the story. Anyone who has visited my site (www.roxythekiller.blogspot.com) probably already read this XD!
But I also updated my site, so yay ^_^! Let me know what you think.

Gentry was surprised when Zach thrust him to the smooth, blue tile wall the moment they entered the locker room. Zach pinned the redhead's arms over his head, and started to kiss him, pushing his tongue inside Gentry’s mouth. It tasted salty, yet sweet, and unlike anything he had expected. Gentry's shoulders tensed, before he let himself melt into the kiss. Zach was a good kisser, it almost seemed as if he had done this before...
Zach let go of one of Gentry's wrists and slid his hand down Gentry's back. Gentry stiffened suddenly, and broke away from the kiss,"Hey... what are you doing?"
Zach smirked, softly sucking on Gentry's neck,"What do you think?" he teased.
Gentry tensed,"Stop."
"I don't want to." Zach reluctantly pulled away, only to have Gentry push him aside.
"It's not your place." Sneered the redhead,"I don't like getting fingered. If you want to f--k me, then you do what I want."
"And that is?" Zach asked, attempting to ignore his body.
Gentry just gave a smug smile, and pinned Zach to the wall,"You know where you belong, and that's under me."
Zach glared,"Bite me."
"I want to see you get yourself off." Gentry stated, motioning to one of the large wooden benches lining the lockers,"If it's beneath your dignity, then I'm going. You can stay hard throughout swim practice for all I care." with that, Gentry moved away from Zach. To his surprise, Zach moved straight to the bench, and pulled down his black swimshorts.

Gentry eyed the note on his desk.
There, in large, scribbled handwriting was written,"Want to meet after school?"
Gentry looked at Zach, who sat next to him scribbling away at an assignment. Gentry sighed, shook his head, and wrote back a neat, perfectly spaced,"No."
Zach eyed the note with a frown and wrote back,"Why?"
Gentry squinted to read what Zach wrote, and wrote back,"Don't want to."
The lunch bell rang, and Zach automatically followed Gentry, into the Cafeteria.
"Don't you have somewhere to be?" asked Gentry.
Zach shook his head,"No. I'm ditching my Christian Club meeting because everyone hates me there."
Gentry raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. It wasn’t just the Christian club; it seemed no one really liked Zach.
There was a boy named Carly on the swim team. He was a tall, dark-haired Senior with a cut body and glinting black eyes. He was not just fit, he was buff, with a body to kill, and the undisputed Swim Team Champion and team leader. Carly looked up from the unofficial Senior Swim Club lunch table, surrounded by other boys who chuckled softly when they saw Zach.
As Gentry reached the table, Carly spoke up.
"Zach, what are you doing following Gentry around? Are you lost again?"
The table chuckled.
"I'm not lost, but you should be."
Carly cast a disdainful look to Gentry,"Will you tell him or do I have to?"
Without waiting for Gentry's reply, Carly sneered,"This is the seniors-only lunch table. Go sit with the freshmen."
"It's not marked, everyone can sit wherever they want." Zach pointed out,"Besides, Gentry's my friend."
"You are still a freshman." Gentry spoke up,"You aren't any better than the others."
Zach’s eyes widened in outrage,"But we're friends, you're only two years older than me!"
Gentry's gaze was unrelenting as he ordered,"Go eat with the others."
Zach's lips drew into a thin line,"I wouldn't want to eat with you assholes anyway." and he left to the end of the cafeteria, to the one empty table.
He did what he could to hide it, but the rejection was hard to hide. Gentry watched him, as Carly's words turned into a dull buzz.

[roxythekiller]

Here is the next installment! Read the latest part at www.roxythekiller.blogspot.com. I'll just keep posting the rest of the story here ^_^!:

The neat paper had red marker all over it, stating in garishly large and messy writing,"Corrected by: Zach; 1/10, F-. Good job." with a fat smiley face next to it.
Gentry cast a look to Zach, whose paper had a neat "10/10" written on it.
"Could you NOT use marker that bleeds through to the other side of the paper?"
"Why, does it bother you?" Zach answered coolly, getting ready to correct Gentry's latest "in-class" assignment. He had noted the redhead was obsessively neat, in anything from his clothes to his work.
"You're being immature."
"You didn't seem to mind in the locker room." One bold, red streak marred the perfectly neat paper.
"Stop it." Gentry snatched away his neatly spaced and written paper, thinking what he would do to the raven-haired boy later on.
"It's an F either way. All your answers are wrong and you didn't show your work."
Gentry said nothing as he slowly, neatly packed every book away while Zach was lethargically throwing them into his backpack, unsuccessfully attempting to fit the jumbled mess inside the confined space. The bell rang, and the other students sped out.
"Um,” the teacher, a rotund Asian woman named Mrs.Lo, got up from her desk,”you know what? I'll leave you two here because I have a meeting. Lock the door after you, and don't let anyone in." she stood up, pushing in her chair and grabbing her keys. The door clicked shut, and Zach kicked his backpack cursing under his breath.
The kiss was so soft, sudden and tender that Zach's defenses melted away,"...Gentry."
His body ached. He wanted to run his hands over that pale skin and make the redhead whimper and moan from his touches.

The hot stream of shower water beat down on Gentry, his pale back arched against the blue tile wall.
"Ah... Zach..."
Zach was on his knees, ans the drops of water rolled down Zach’s tan body.
"Zach..."
He listened to Gentry’s soft cries with a blunt smugness, but at the same time, a soft neediness.
"Zach, Jesus fucking Christ listen to me." he growled, finally pushing the younger boy away, and pushing himself off the blue tile wall.
Zach was taken aback, and mildly annoyed at the mention of Jesus Christ,"What? Wasn't I good enough?"
"I don't want to do it here." Gentry stated, flatly.
Zach looked around the deserted boys' bathroom,"...Why?"
"I don't like it here."
"Well what do you want to do? Go home?"
Gentry raised an eyebrow,"You have a better idea?"

Zach punched a code into the keypad, allowing his house door to unlock. He opened it, and Gentry followed behind him into the large mansion. His parents were gone to France for the weekend, and the house was unnervingly quiet. He could picture his nice, quiet parents irritated at the large amounts of smokers, cursing at them uselessly in broken French.
Gentry looked up at the softly clinking chandelier,”Nice place.”
“Yeah.” Zach smiled slightly, and pinned Gentry onto the sleek black couch, undoing the redhead's pants and starting where he left off.
“Zach.” Gentry's marked voice caught the freshman’s attention.
”There are other ways to do it." he sat up,"Ever tried 69?”
“What?”
“Lie down, I’ll show you.”
Zach took a shaky breath as the older boy climbed on top of him.

Carly cast an appreciative gaze as Gentry pulled himself out of the water.
"What do you think of that freshman, that kid from Russia or Romania or whatever?" Carly spoke up.
"Estonia."
"Estonia, right."
A mischievous glint reflected in Gentry's amber eyes, before it disappeared and he stated,"He's fast."
"I can see that." Carly motioned to the freshman who was swimming in the last lane of the pool. He was a graceless machine, hitting the water with brutal efficiency.
"Usually the freshman swim team is the worst, but Zach is winning competitions based on speed."
“But he keeps crashing into the wall.” Gentry stated, knowing the only way to cure the Senior’s jealousy was to remind him of his opponents’ flaws.
“I know.” Came the sullen resply,”But it’s not against the rules.”
"So what do you want to do, draft him to the Senior team?" asked Gentry.
"No. I don't like him." admitted Carly,"I don't like any of the freshmen this year."
"You never do."
"We need to put them in their place. Remember your freshman year?"
Gentry frowned,"Of course. I was disqualified from the most important competition of the year due to a faulty dive."
"Yeah,” Carly smirked,”there was a problem with the diving board."
"I figured."
"But I made it up to you." Carly stated defensively,"You are the only junior I let into the Senior swim team. And I like you. You’re not like Zach… Zach's a bit too cocky."
"Then let me deal with him."
"You already are. I can smell him all over your clothes."
Gentry flashed a rueful smirk, and Carly continued,"I'm announcing it to the rest of the team. Friday is the last big Freshman match of the year. We'll be fixing the diving board."
"I'm not part of this. It's stupid." Gentry toweled off his hair.
"But you ARE part of the senior team. You can't tell anyone. Promise me. You got over it, so will Zach. I promoted you. We're a team."
There was a glimmer of conflict in that deep amber, before Gentry gave a wordless nod.
"There was such a jerk in one of my classes. I would rant about him but think about his mother. She must endure him for all of his life. I mean, can you believe people give birth to complete morons sometimes?"
Gentry overheard Zach talk to a classmate, secretly wishing to be that classmate. The conversation revolved around his mind, sharply interrupted by the bell. Gentry cooly noted the other classmate took the opportunity to get a word in.
"At least I listen to you, even if you tell me stupid things." Gentry thought, watching the classmate make some lame excuse to escape Zach.
Now it was just the two of them, alone in the classroom.
Gentry sighed,"Zach. Don't go to the swim competition on Friday."
"Why?
"Just don't."
"Are you afraid of a little rivalry, Gentry?" teased Zach, standing up before two strong arms pushed him to the wall.
"Listen to me. Just once, just listen. Don't go."
Zach's eyes narrowed, and he pushed Gentry away,"Screw you, I'm going."