The Nutters Series 2, Ep 3 (Rated R - Language)

[Creative]

Warning: Contains Swearing

The Nutters Series 2, Episode 3 in "The Mother Of All Sundays"

"Hello s-son," stammered Fred's Mum, Mary, "I've missed you."
"You lost the right to call me that a long time ago!" raged Fred, "Just go, piss off will you?"
A tear drop falls down Fred's face. "We don't need you!"

"I-ll go, if that's what you really want," Mary says gently, a hurt expression upon her face..
"It is." Fred replies, wiping his eyes with his shirt sleeve.
"I'm leaving Manchester on Sunday," Mary announces, "I've been offered a job in Glasgow. Meet me on Sunday at The Drake [the local pub] then at 2pm if you want to."
"I don't!" Fred screamed, slamming the front door shut.
Mary sat down on the doorstep and began sobbing uncontrollably.

Fred went into the living room and found his Dad Herbert smoking a pipe.
"I don't feel like going out now," Fred said sadly.
"Don't let HER spoil your night," Herbert replies, "she's not worth it."
"I'm not, to be honest, I just can't be arsed to go out. How about we see the new year in at home?"
"Yeah, okay, if that's what you want. Tell you what, I'll crack open the single malt."


Later, they begin the countdown to new year.
In unison: "5, 4, 3, 2, 1...Happy New Year!"

The following morning, the Nutters are sat in the kitchen at a small table eating their cornflakes.
"Dad, would you mind if - if I met Mum on Sunday? I was thinking last night, she owes us an explanation. And no matter how shite it is, I want to hear it."
"If you're sure son, I have no objections. I'll come with you if you like - for a bit or moral support."
"Thanks Dad."

On Sunday, the Nutters arrive at the pub at 1pm.
"I don't believe i!" gasps Fred, "There's Richard Tartar - I knew him years ago at school."
"Are you sure?" Herbert asks.
Richard is at the bar. He tries to pay for a pint of bitter with a bottle of alcohol.
"Fred laughs, "It's him al right, he never had much upstairs. You could say his head is a bungalow!"
Fred goes over to the bar, "Richard!" he says, "Long time no see."
Richard stares for a minute then gasps "Fred! How you doin' mate?"
"Fine, you?"
"Same"
"Er, why are you trying to pay with a botle of mouthwash?"
"Well it says on the bottle alcohol free."
Fred sighs and then says "That means there is no alcohol in the mouthwash, not that your drinks are free!"
Richard replies "So that's why they kicked me out the shop when I tried to pay for a bag of sugar with a can of Diet Coke!" He sighs, "I must be dumb eh?"
Fred mutters under his breath "Yes, you make Mr Silly look smart!"
"What?" asks Richard.
"Oh," replies Fred, I said "No, not at all. Everyone makes mistakes. So what are you doing in Manchester? I thought you moved to London."
"I did, I've just moved back to Manchester. Only yesterday in fact."
"Why did you move back?"
"London was shite. Don't get me wrong, Manchester isn't a great place, but I didn't know anyone in London. There wer muggings, stabbings, murders and stuff, but at the end of the day, you can get all that exitement in Manchester! You see, I missed Manchester. Mind, it's changed a bit now though, I remember when this pub was called The Old Mare."
Richard pays for his pint and the pair sit down at a table by the window. Richard takes a sip of the bitter, pulls a face and says, "Well that's one thing that hasn't changed - the shite beer!"
He looks at the wallpaper "Would you look at that!" he tuts, "That's the same wallpaper as when I left back in 1983!"
Herbert laughs, "I'm an old man, and they've had the same wallpaper for as long as I can remember, must be at least 40 years now. It's peeling a bit too."
Suddenly, Mary walks over to the table.
She stands there akwardly for a moment before Fred says "Sit down."
"Well?"
"Now please just hear me out," she begins.
"I'm not making exuses, but me and your Dad were going through a rough patch. I met Pat Gringer at the bus stop one morning. We got chatting. He was funny and charming. Before long, we were an item. But then-" she begins to cry,"one day, he was drunk, and he - he hit me. In the morning, he was full of apologies, said he was sorry, that it wouldn't happen again. It did, time and time again. He told me I was wortless, noone would love me like he did. I was weak, scared. I always meant to come and see you Fred, but he grew possesive, wouldn't let me see you - or my friends."
Fred gasps, "That's terrible. I had no idea." He hands her a hanky and she wipes her eyes.
"Every time I tried to leave him," she continues, he would beat me, kick me, punch me. I lost my job because he wouldn't let me go to work. I was virtually a prisoner in that house. One day, he was finally arrested for an armed robbery he commited. He went to trial, got 20 years for it. I was rid of him at last, but I was too scared to go out at first, it was like he still had a hold on me. Eventually, the food ran out, and I went to the shops - I had to - he had some money stashed in the washing machine, in case the police came searching. Dirty money, but what alternative did I have? But that was running out, I knew I had to get a job to survive. Finally, I got a job at a factory. Life was looking up, and in time, I applied for work in a supermarket as a shelve stacker. Now they want me to work in their Glasgow branch as a position as become available for a manager."
"Oh God, Mum," wept Fred, "You should have told me, us."
"Well," Mary said, "I've said my piece. I'll go now, but if you want, I can stay."
Fred thinks for a few minutes, "I want you to stay, but that would be selfish, your high up in your career. Write down your address, I can always visit you or vice versa. Don't pass up an oppurtunity like this."
Mary grabs a beer mat, and writes down her new address and 'phone number on it.

Later, Fred and Herbert are at the train station with Mary. The train arrives 40 minutes late. Fred hugs Mary, "Goodbye Mum, don't forget to write," he cries.
Herbert says "Bye Mary."
Mary boards the train and it soon chugs along the tracks.
Fred and Herbert wave and Mary waves back."
"Come on son," Herbert says, "I'll treat you to a meal out. He goes towards a snack bar and buys two large hotdogs and two coffees.
Fred laughs, and jokes, "I love dining out at the Ritz!"
Herbert laughs, and says "I've got a meal planned tonight too - Heinz el la Warburtons."
Fred sighs and says, "Beans on toast?"
"Yes," Herbert grins.

The End!


That was the last of series 2.
There will only be two more series' of The Nutters and then it will end for good.

[Chris]

The following review is based upon the facts and assumptions that (a) this story is about the adventures of Fred and Herbert Nutter, (b) this story is meant to entertain through comedy and drama, and (c) this story's intended audience is your fellow guildians. I'm reviewing both parts in a single review.

The Nutters are back again. One guess how I feel about that.

Here's a hint:

Although the author gets some credit for taking a more serious angle in this two-parter of Fred and Herbert's hijinks (I use the word 'hijinks' very, very loosely) and tries to tackle a serious issue like spousal abuse as well as giving Fred a little more depth, I'm sad to say that this installment in the Nutters series is unfortunately more of the same old same old. If you haven't read any of the previous episodes of the Nutters, then you should know that this is not a compliment. Once again I feel as if I the reader have been wholly underestimated as I struggle through this mirthless, amateurish farce.

It's New Years day, and Fred and Herbert are sitting at home, trading 'witticisms' (I couldn't bother to say what they were). The subject of Fred's mom is randomly injected into the conversation as a weak, obvious set-up for the thickening of the plot to come, and we learn that with naught but a teeny note, Denise was out of the lives of her husband and son forever. After a 'punch line' or two (again, no need), they're getting ready to go out to a bar, and soon enough, who should appear but the devil herself?

Bum Bum Bum! And that's basically all of significance that happens in the first part, folks. It's basically all just a random setup for some sort of 'surprise ending' intended to shock or something. No such luck. Not even close.

In Part Two, we pick up right where we leave off. Mary (yes, her name is Mary now) seems to have come to explain herself. Fred wants none of it, and like some petty child he throws himself a mini-tantrum culminating in slamming the door in Mary's face, but not before she offers to meet him at a pub on Sunday before she has to leave.

Perhaps Fred sees the error of his ways overnight, and changes his mind about meeting his mom. Herbert, who has sort of been practically invisible for most of the episode, offers to come with him for moral support. And then goes back to being mostly invisible.

When Fred goes to meet his mom at the pub, he randomly meets some old friend Richard. What he has to do with anything, I don't know. They chat, reminisce, yada yada. Mary appears, and then explains the reason she hasn't been around was because her boyfriend kept her all locked up inside the house, beating her if she threatened to go outside. So overcome she was by this abuse that even after he'd been sentenced to jail she couldn't bring herself to come outside. Eventually hunger got the best of her (lol) and she ventured out in the world to work her way up from a shelf stacker to a manager. Fred understands now, and all is forgiven. She offers to stay, but Fred decides that she can't give up her career for him, so they exchange numbers and addresses so they can keep in touch with each other.

What happened to Richard during all this? Who knows and/or cares?

Anyways, Fred and Herbert see her off at the train station, and again decide to get all 'funny' on us. The End! Yay!

I'd say the best part of it all was that the Nutters got to be in a storyline that touched on a serious social issues of parental abandonment and domestic abuse, but to be honest, that wouldn't be saying much in this case. Once again, I am extremely vexed by how carelessly Creative tackles serious topics. Am I supposed to believe that someone of Fred's age would throw a tantrum like that unprovoked at finding his M.I.A. mother knocking at the door? Denise/Mary left Herbert as well, but he has nothing (absolutely nothing! Nada! Zilch! Zippo!) to say to her (or much of anything else to say to anyone for that matter). After Denise/Mary leaves, would Fred and Herbert really just slip back into their carefree, nonchalant selves? None of it really makes any sense. These characters' social growth seems to be so stunted that I'd venture a guess to say that their souls must be midgets!

Oh, and guess how many times I found anything even remotely funny in either of the two parts? That's right, a big zippo.

And speaking of two parts brings us to what I hated the most about the entire thing: my belief that the only reason this thing was split up in two parts in the first place was to 'surprise' the reader with Denise/Mary's reappearance in the Nutters' lives, when it really just came off as some tired cliche that didn't pay off in the slightest.

You know, I had much more I was going to say, but I have to stop myself. They say if you have nothing good to say, don't say anything at all. I suddenly find that very good advice. I'll just say this: read the above story at your own risk. Peace.