Post by Creative on Feb 7, 2008 17:57:39 GMT -5
The Nutters Series In "Up The Creek" Series 3, Episode 1.
Warning: Contains Swearing
Fred entered the kitchen,still in his pjamas.
"Morning Dad" he yawned. Taking in the surroundigs (take-away cartons, and beer cans littered around the kitchen, plus a large pile of unwashed crockery), Fred tutted "We'd better get this tip tidied."
He goes over to the sink "There's so much washing up to do, I'll have to do it in the bath!"
With the washing up done and a now tidy kitchen, Fred goes over to the pantry and announces "I'm going to clear out the pan-" just as a pile of junk from the pntry tumbles out on tp of him.
Freeing himself, he starts to clear up with Herbert helping. Noticing an old dinghy, Fred says "I'm going to blow this up, see if it's punctured or not."
Finally, gasping for breath, he mutters "Finished."
"You know," Herbert says, "You could have used the foot pump."
Fred mutters sarcasticly "Thanks for telling me!"
Herbert thinks for a moment, "It's only early, how about we go for a day out in this old thing?"
"In the river?" Fred says, "What with the rats piss?"
Grabbing his coat, he says "I'm in!"
Fred and Herbert are now sailing on the river.
"Ah," Herbert says, "What a lovely view - an old Tesco shopping trolley, a wheelie bin and -" they duck "Chavs throwing bricks at us!"
After a moment, Herbert asks "Is it safe to get up yet?"
Fred lifts his head up just in time for a flying brick to hit it.
Rubbing his sore head, he replies "No!"
After a while, Fred grumbles "I'm hungry."
Herbert replies "You only had your breakfast an hour ago.. Either it's that bump on the head - or - you're just a greedy bastard! My money's on the latter.. Anyway, I recognise this place - there's a Greg's bakers round the corner."
They row the dinghy into the embankment and get out.
"Do you think it will be allright if we leave it here?" Fred asks
"Yeah," replies Herbert, "We'll only be gone for a minute."
Moments later, Fre and Herbert are heading back to the dinghy, eating pasties.
Fred says "What more could you want - the sun's shining, nice warm pasties -"
"And," Herbert butts in, "There's a tramp pissing in our dinghy!"
"Oi you filthy bastard! You dirty tramp!"
The tramp smiles and says "It's not Politically Correct to cll me a tramp."
"No," Fred replies, irritated and running forward, "And it's not Politically Correct to push you into the river!"
The tramp moves out of the way just in time, sending Fred into the river instead.
Swimming to the embankment, Fred mutters "That's ust great - a dinghy with the fragrance Eau De Piss and I'm soaking bleeding wet!"
"Not to worry," the tramp says, "I have spare clothes and a towel in my bag. I'll swap them for your wet clothes."
He lays the clothes on the ground. Fred looks at the tatty jeans, jumper and trainers with holes in them.
"I knew I shouldn't have worn my best clothes today!"
The Tramp looks at Fred's expensive clothes and laughs "I know! I got a bargain!"
"Er, what size are your trainers?" Fred asks.
"Nine," the tramp replies.
"Crap," Fred mutters, "I'm a size ten."
"Thats okay," the tramp says, emptying his bag, "I've got a pair of size tens I robbed from Oxfam last week."
Fred goes behind some bushes to get changed and soon, he and Herbert are sailing on the river once again.
After a while, Herbert asks "Where are we?"
Fred looks behind him and sees the water fall just behind them.
"Half way up Shit Creek!" he replies panicking, "Hold on!"
"Oh great," mutters Fred after the dinghy splashes to the bottom of the waterfall, "That's me with wet clothes - again!"
"Hello again," a voice says. Herbert and Fred look to see who it is.
There, grinning like a Cheshire cat, is the tramp.
After getting dried and changed (the tramp had robbed a selection, of different sized shoes from a secondhand market stall), Fred and Herbert throw the dinghy into a bush, clearly fed up with it.
The tramp retrieves it and says "Hey, we haven't done introductions. What's your names?
After introducing themselves, Fred says "Now what's your name?"
"Robin," the tramp replies, "Robin Bastard!" and bursts into fits of laughter.
"Ha ha" Fred says, clearly not amused, "And your real name?"
"Peter," the tramp replies with a large grin, "You know, this has been quite a profitable day."
Fred and Herbert look down at their clothes and sigh.
"Yeah at our expense." Fred sighs.
"I should get a few quid for these clothes." the tramp says gleefully.
Later at the local pub, Fred orders two pints of bitter and says to the barman "You wouldn't believe the day we've had!"
"I think I would," the barman replies pointing to a seat by the window.
Herbert and Fred turn round to see - the tramp waving at them!
The End!
Warning: Contains Swearing
Fred entered the kitchen,still in his pjamas.
"Morning Dad" he yawned. Taking in the surroundigs (take-away cartons, and beer cans littered around the kitchen, plus a large pile of unwashed crockery), Fred tutted "We'd better get this tip tidied."
He goes over to the sink "There's so much washing up to do, I'll have to do it in the bath!"
With the washing up done and a now tidy kitchen, Fred goes over to the pantry and announces "I'm going to clear out the pan-" just as a pile of junk from the pntry tumbles out on tp of him.
Freeing himself, he starts to clear up with Herbert helping. Noticing an old dinghy, Fred says "I'm going to blow this up, see if it's punctured or not."
Finally, gasping for breath, he mutters "Finished."
"You know," Herbert says, "You could have used the foot pump."
Fred mutters sarcasticly "Thanks for telling me!"
Herbert thinks for a moment, "It's only early, how about we go for a day out in this old thing?"
"In the river?" Fred says, "What with the rats piss?"
Grabbing his coat, he says "I'm in!"
Fred and Herbert are now sailing on the river.
"Ah," Herbert says, "What a lovely view - an old Tesco shopping trolley, a wheelie bin and -" they duck "Chavs throwing bricks at us!"
After a moment, Herbert asks "Is it safe to get up yet?"
Fred lifts his head up just in time for a flying brick to hit it.
Rubbing his sore head, he replies "No!"
After a while, Fred grumbles "I'm hungry."
Herbert replies "You only had your breakfast an hour ago.. Either it's that bump on the head - or - you're just a greedy bastard! My money's on the latter.. Anyway, I recognise this place - there's a Greg's bakers round the corner."
They row the dinghy into the embankment and get out.
"Do you think it will be allright if we leave it here?" Fred asks
"Yeah," replies Herbert, "We'll only be gone for a minute."
Moments later, Fre and Herbert are heading back to the dinghy, eating pasties.
Fred says "What more could you want - the sun's shining, nice warm pasties -"
"And," Herbert butts in, "There's a tramp pissing in our dinghy!"
"Oi you filthy bastard! You dirty tramp!"
The tramp smiles and says "It's not Politically Correct to cll me a tramp."
"No," Fred replies, irritated and running forward, "And it's not Politically Correct to push you into the river!"
The tramp moves out of the way just in time, sending Fred into the river instead.
Swimming to the embankment, Fred mutters "That's ust great - a dinghy with the fragrance Eau De Piss and I'm soaking bleeding wet!"
"Not to worry," the tramp says, "I have spare clothes and a towel in my bag. I'll swap them for your wet clothes."
He lays the clothes on the ground. Fred looks at the tatty jeans, jumper and trainers with holes in them.
"I knew I shouldn't have worn my best clothes today!"
The Tramp looks at Fred's expensive clothes and laughs "I know! I got a bargain!"
"Er, what size are your trainers?" Fred asks.
"Nine," the tramp replies.
"Crap," Fred mutters, "I'm a size ten."
"Thats okay," the tramp says, emptying his bag, "I've got a pair of size tens I robbed from Oxfam last week."
Fred goes behind some bushes to get changed and soon, he and Herbert are sailing on the river once again.
After a while, Herbert asks "Where are we?"
Fred looks behind him and sees the water fall just behind them.
"Half way up Shit Creek!" he replies panicking, "Hold on!"
"Oh great," mutters Fred after the dinghy splashes to the bottom of the waterfall, "That's me with wet clothes - again!"
"Hello again," a voice says. Herbert and Fred look to see who it is.
There, grinning like a Cheshire cat, is the tramp.
After getting dried and changed (the tramp had robbed a selection, of different sized shoes from a secondhand market stall), Fred and Herbert throw the dinghy into a bush, clearly fed up with it.
The tramp retrieves it and says "Hey, we haven't done introductions. What's your names?
After introducing themselves, Fred says "Now what's your name?"
"Robin," the tramp replies, "Robin Bastard!" and bursts into fits of laughter.
"Ha ha" Fred says, clearly not amused, "And your real name?"
"Peter," the tramp replies with a large grin, "You know, this has been quite a profitable day."
Fred and Herbert look down at their clothes and sigh.
"Yeah at our expense." Fred sighs.
"I should get a few quid for these clothes." the tramp says gleefully.
Later at the local pub, Fred orders two pints of bitter and says to the barman "You wouldn't believe the day we've had!"
"I think I would," the barman replies pointing to a seat by the window.
Herbert and Fred turn round to see - the tramp waving at them!
The End!