And I Watch You Go

[angelsarefascists]

There you go again, full of unrequited pride and that senescent smile you wear when you pretend to know the world, pretend to be the one in control of your own mind, pretend that someday things will go back to the way they were intended to be. When will you recognize the truth? The world stinks of undesirable truths and ugly lies.

How many times I have found myself sitting here, wishing for the words to tell you what must be said. but I find it nearly impossible to allow my soul to whisper those words, words I know may hurt you. The truth hurts, old friend. Never forget that. Never forget the pain of reality, the sorrow of failure, the sting of reminiscence. And I'll remember you as well. I promise.

Yes, it is fact that I have been all these things and more: a hidden facade beneath this mask I always seem to wear - even when the party is over and the gowns put away into that place all good things seem to fade into. Am I a monster if I wish for independence like so many others before me? If so, then at least I am in all honesty trying to do what you could never believe achievable. I have sought out my dreams, never looking down into the Hell that surrounds me after this passing of a loved one because I realize in my heart he would wish me the world. If only...these frail wishes were held to possible levels... I would spend my only on his unfeasible revival.

The point has been missed in this manner of thinking, I'm afraid, and it seems that I've been placed on a two-way road. This fork is leading me away from "the better angels of our nature" and somehow brings the hypocrisy I so nearly condemned into play. Forgive me these foul words, forgive me a bitter blow to the meager self-esteem you keep inside, forgive me these shallow musings, and forgive me the world. I know better than to place judgment on those that have suffered loss and pain. Forgive me, my dear, as I continue to watch you go your way...just as I go my own.

[Cy Skywalker]

Too vauge; I can't tell who the essay/story is talking to. The words are good--but the intent I think is as a journal entry. It is awash in "teenage" emotion, and you use good words to describe what you feel as whatever happened is going on. I'm not sure how to review nonfiction, because this sounds a lot like a fiction--an angst, anyway, for all that that means. Be careful that your fragments are either artsy (not choppy) or excised. Not bad.

[angelsarefascists]

Thank you for the comment. I appreciate it greatly.

It's written to a friend who drifted away... Also, I am unfortunately a teenager, which might provide some link to my slightly awkward piece.

I understand that it's vague and seems like a journal entry completely - it was written all in a moment and never revised.

Again, my sincere thank you. Since it's usually necessary for me to state it, you also have an apology. I get carried away in comments from time to time and sometimes seem to be more hostile than meant.

[Cy Skywalker]

No, you were very nice about your hostility....lol. Thank goodness someone understands "Also, I am unfortunately a teenager, which might provide some link to my slightly awkward piece.". I mean, the fact that most teens can't take their angst and turn it into real literature is sad. But it's true. You did well enough.