Post by roxythekiller on May 3, 2007 5:41:30 GMT -5
This is an old, old, old story I wrote back when I was an uber-hyper, obsessed Gundam Wing fangirl. Most of Gundam Wing's fanfiction is notoriously awful, so back in the day I wrote a parody of fanfic cliches. If you never watched Gundam Wing... well, this is what you missed fanfiction-wise:
It was just another wonderfully normal day in some place in the world where our cute Gundam boys Heero and Duo currently reside.
Trowa and Quatre were on a mission in who knows where doing who knows what....
And Wufei.... he was on a solo mission near a certain OZ general's estate, doing God knows what!
This leaves our two cute bishoen (whatever that means) Heero and Duo to do whatever we love them for doing! Heero's gundam was killing a ton of soldiers robotically.... and Duo was cackling like a maniac while slowly killing his share soldiers. Both pilots weren't really sad.... all soldiers looked alike, and they regenerated somewhere anyway.
As our two cute heroes walked back to the dorm rooms, covered in blood, no one really cared because boys will be boys! Heero, as usual, set his own leg in public, and Duo did much of nothing. Once they arrived at their dorm room, which they shared.... and which happened to be very small, Heero instantly resideded to his laptop, and Duo resideded to.... uh, watching.
But Duo gets very bored.
"Heero, you are such a boring stiff!" complains the braided boy.
Unbeknownst to Duo, Heero is actually madly in lust with him. But,
Heero is just to lazy to tell him. OK, let's change 'lazy' to 'shy'.
"I'll go take a shower!" declares Duo.
So Duo takes off his clothes, not knowing Heero is watching him.
"Oh, gee, I wish I could have mind-blowing sex with him," thinks Heero, longingly.
As Duo enters the itsy bitsy shower, Heero nearly breaks his neck trying to see him naked.... Heero needs that valuable information for his sexual fantasies, for he just doesn't know how a boy is physically built. And knowing your comrad's penis size might come in handy someday. So, after washing his hair for two hours, Duo emerges from the shower, clothed in nothing but the dorm room's itsy bitsie towel. What follows is a hot sex scene.
Followed by another hot sex scene.
After some time, Duo suggested he and Heero practice sadist torture....
but but they didn't have enough cash in their dough in their puny schoolboy budget for sadist toys!
And Gundamian chains could get pretty expensive!
Anyway, so, one day, Duo is very depressed.
OK, he was actually depressed for months, but Heero didn't notice
because he was only thinking about the birds and bees! But, as Heero was about to engage in his favorite three-letter activity, he notices Duo is depressed. Well, might as well get this over with....
"What is the matter, Duo-sama?"
Heero, being insensitive as he was, really, truly, honestly had no clue why Duo would be sad.
"I want a loving relationship!"
Heero blinks,"Is that all?"
Duo shakes his head,"No.... actually I made a list for you to read! I have so much angst it's hard to remember it all!"
Sobbing, Duo hands Heero a list about ten feet long.
A day and half an hour later, Heero finished reading the list, and now also felt very depressed. So both depressed boys sat down at the kitchen table and whined about their horrible lives, and horrible childhoods, and just everything that is sad and angsty.
"My dog died when I was two...."
"I never got to eat candy until I was ten...."
"I am allergic to chocolate...."
"My gundam won't self-detonate."
"I found out one of my feet is bigger than the other."
"I found out I am only 99.9% Japanese."
"I can't speak any African language."
"I grew out of the jeans I wore since I was five."
This went on for a total of eighty-two hours, fifty-five minutes, twenty-two seconds, and eight milliseconds.
Meanwhile, Dr.J and Dr.G were very bored. All the other creepy docters had found an OZ base for their pilots to:
a. sabotage
b. blow up
c. sleep with a hot OZ general in
Only Dr.J and Dr.G's pilots remained.
"OK, let's see, OZ base So-and-so is already reserved, and so is OZ base What's-its-name, so we'll take OZ base What-chya-ma-call-it."
Dr.J nodded, and enthusiastically clapped his hands,"We'll see OZ bases blown up! We'll see OZ bases blow up!" Then they both danced around in circles.
"La la la! More flames and gory stuff!"
"La la la! More big-ass Gundam use!"
Meanwhile, back at the safehouse, the gundam pilots became bored with whining about their miseries, and decided sex would be a lot more fun.
"Ugh, I'm tired." moaned Heero.
Duo yawned,"Ugh, me too."
"What are we tired of? We never tire during missions...."
"I don't know, yaoi fangirls just think it's erotic if we're tired after sex. Besides, this wastes more time of our worthless lives."
Suddenly, the telephone rings.
Heero wearily picks it up,"Say something or shut up...."
"Ooops, wrong number."
As Heero's about to put the telephone down, Duo's cellphone rings.
Duo answers it,"Wha?"
"Dr.G here," came the voice from the other line,"Um, you have to blow up an OZ base."
"Why?" asks Duo.
"Because, um, er, well.... they're the bad guys!!!"
Duo's tone becomes serious,"I understand. Thank you."
Turning off the phone, Duo turned to Heero,"We must attack OZ!Dr.G found out they're the bad guys!"
Heero sat up,"WHAT? That... that can't be.... how...."
"No one knows how it happened.... but we must go.... now!" [1]
[End of Part 1]
[1] Note that Oz is one of the main enemies to the Gundam pilots. It's a basic fact of the series, but in fanfiction many basic facts are often ignored
Love it? Hate it? Give me feedback ^_^! I live on the stuff.
It was just another wonderfully normal day in some place in the world where our cute Gundam boys Heero and Duo currently reside.
Trowa and Quatre were on a mission in who knows where doing who knows what....
And Wufei.... he was on a solo mission near a certain OZ general's estate, doing God knows what!
This leaves our two cute bishoen (whatever that means) Heero and Duo to do whatever we love them for doing! Heero's gundam was killing a ton of soldiers robotically.... and Duo was cackling like a maniac while slowly killing his share soldiers. Both pilots weren't really sad.... all soldiers looked alike, and they regenerated somewhere anyway.
As our two cute heroes walked back to the dorm rooms, covered in blood, no one really cared because boys will be boys! Heero, as usual, set his own leg in public, and Duo did much of nothing. Once they arrived at their dorm room, which they shared.... and which happened to be very small, Heero instantly resideded to his laptop, and Duo resideded to.... uh, watching.
But Duo gets very bored.
"Heero, you are such a boring stiff!" complains the braided boy.
Unbeknownst to Duo, Heero is actually madly in lust with him. But,
Heero is just to lazy to tell him. OK, let's change 'lazy' to 'shy'.
"I'll go take a shower!" declares Duo.
So Duo takes off his clothes, not knowing Heero is watching him.
"Oh, gee, I wish I could have mind-blowing sex with him," thinks Heero, longingly.
As Duo enters the itsy bitsy shower, Heero nearly breaks his neck trying to see him naked.... Heero needs that valuable information for his sexual fantasies, for he just doesn't know how a boy is physically built. And knowing your comrad's penis size might come in handy someday. So, after washing his hair for two hours, Duo emerges from the shower, clothed in nothing but the dorm room's itsy bitsie towel. What follows is a hot sex scene.
Followed by another hot sex scene.
After some time, Duo suggested he and Heero practice sadist torture....
but but they didn't have enough cash in their dough in their puny schoolboy budget for sadist toys!
And Gundamian chains could get pretty expensive!
Anyway, so, one day, Duo is very depressed.
OK, he was actually depressed for months, but Heero didn't notice
because he was only thinking about the birds and bees! But, as Heero was about to engage in his favorite three-letter activity, he notices Duo is depressed. Well, might as well get this over with....
"What is the matter, Duo-sama?"
Heero, being insensitive as he was, really, truly, honestly had no clue why Duo would be sad.
"I want a loving relationship!"
Heero blinks,"Is that all?"
Duo shakes his head,"No.... actually I made a list for you to read! I have so much angst it's hard to remember it all!"
Sobbing, Duo hands Heero a list about ten feet long.
A day and half an hour later, Heero finished reading the list, and now also felt very depressed. So both depressed boys sat down at the kitchen table and whined about their horrible lives, and horrible childhoods, and just everything that is sad and angsty.
"My dog died when I was two...."
"I never got to eat candy until I was ten...."
"I am allergic to chocolate...."
"My gundam won't self-detonate."
"I found out one of my feet is bigger than the other."
"I found out I am only 99.9% Japanese."
"I can't speak any African language."
"I grew out of the jeans I wore since I was five."
This went on for a total of eighty-two hours, fifty-five minutes, twenty-two seconds, and eight milliseconds.
Meanwhile, Dr.J and Dr.G were very bored. All the other creepy docters had found an OZ base for their pilots to:
a. sabotage
b. blow up
c. sleep with a hot OZ general in
Only Dr.J and Dr.G's pilots remained.
"OK, let's see, OZ base So-and-so is already reserved, and so is OZ base What's-its-name, so we'll take OZ base What-chya-ma-call-it."
Dr.J nodded, and enthusiastically clapped his hands,"We'll see OZ bases blown up! We'll see OZ bases blow up!" Then they both danced around in circles.
"La la la! More flames and gory stuff!"
"La la la! More big-ass Gundam use!"
Meanwhile, back at the safehouse, the gundam pilots became bored with whining about their miseries, and decided sex would be a lot more fun.
"Ugh, I'm tired." moaned Heero.
Duo yawned,"Ugh, me too."
"What are we tired of? We never tire during missions...."
"I don't know, yaoi fangirls just think it's erotic if we're tired after sex. Besides, this wastes more time of our worthless lives."
Suddenly, the telephone rings.
Heero wearily picks it up,"Say something or shut up...."
"Ooops, wrong number."
As Heero's about to put the telephone down, Duo's cellphone rings.
Duo answers it,"Wha?"
"Dr.G here," came the voice from the other line,"Um, you have to blow up an OZ base."
"Why?" asks Duo.
"Because, um, er, well.... they're the bad guys!!!"
Duo's tone becomes serious,"I understand. Thank you."
Turning off the phone, Duo turned to Heero,"We must attack OZ!Dr.G found out they're the bad guys!"
Heero sat up,"WHAT? That... that can't be.... how...."
"No one knows how it happened.... but we must go.... now!" [1]
[End of Part 1]
[1] Note that Oz is one of the main enemies to the Gundam pilots. It's a basic fact of the series, but in fanfiction many basic facts are often ignored
Love it? Hate it? Give me feedback ^_^! I live on the stuff.