Brokenhearts
Rank 15 (On Angie's Level)
Beware, all ye who talk 2 me
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Post by Brokenhearts on Apr 7, 2007 10:07:34 GMT -5
this is just started- so I need some help on it ;D this is pretty much just the prolouge: The Alliance So much has changed over the years. Historians can tell you that. People customs, dress sense, politics, beliefs. Linguists can tell you how languages have changed or died out entirely. Geologists can tell you how the rocks have changed and formed the land we live on today.
It’s such a pity that all this knowledge is simply theory. Entirely heresay. Nothing is in concrete and simply derived from what evidence humans can retrieve from the ground or records kept by their ancestors for reasons unknown.
It’s such a pity that we cannot hear this from being around at the time. Listen to their stories and wander at they have to say. There are very few around that can tell us about major happening from the past. The furthest back we can go for first hand stories is the second world war. If we’re very lucky, the first. But that is as far as back as human life goes.
And yet, amongst the humans there are beings that can tell us about the past. That can go as far back as to the time of christ. Beyond that! The times of the Greek empires. When the world was seen to be flat. Maybe beyond that... if we search long enough. There is a hitch. These beings are secretive. They keep to themselves. And they keep to the night. Avoiding the stigmatism humans have for anything different to what they know.
What are they? Vampires. Werewolves. Witches. Beings of the night. Beings of night mares and dreams. Of folk lore and myth. Beings that have chased us through the ages- tailed onto our own history. Always in the back ground, Always shadowing our happenings. Though we dismiss them as fairy tales. Creatures of a child's mind when they are afraid. Rants of an unstable mind. The backing for a good story.
Not real. Fake. Something to ignore.
Isn’t it a shame that we could learn so much from them? Isn’t a shame they will carry on being ignored? Isn’t it a shame...She trailed off, staring at the computer screen. Wandering how to finish off the introduction to her theories. She knew she’d never be taken seriously, but it was something she’d love to make public. Her beliefs about the night mare worlds. Boogie monsters, ghosts, imps and the like. She sighed heavily, pushing her dyed brown hair away from her eyes tiredly. It was late. Nearly one in the morning. She needed her sleep. She chuckled to herself, as she cast her blue eyes over the clock near by. Past witching hour. She had once been too scared to be awake beyond midnight. In her child's mind, the night time hours after midnight were more dangerous than usual. She had never liked the dark. Until she turned about fourteen or so. The fear simply evaporated. Her eye lids drooped. She sat up straight, forcing her eyes open, shaking her head. She sighed. It would be impossible to get that done till the morning, and even then she had her other stories to sort out. Her ‘real life ones’ as her niece would say, looking sceptical, rolling her eyes contemptuously. Both aunt and niece had the same opinion of the ‘real life’ stories. ‘Isn’t it a shame I have to report on those stories,’ Miss blue eyes thought to herself, mocking herself angrily. She saved her work and turned the computer off, pushing herself away from the computer. She stumbled out of her tiny study, into her living room to check on her sister. She smiled seeing the older woman snoring lightly on the couch, on her side, her legs tucked up into her chest. On the floor next to her, niece slept quietly, her body stretched out on her side. The smallest of smiles on her fifteen year old face. Sighing heavily, she stumbled into her own room closing the door behind her. She didn’t bother getting undressed let alone getting into her pyjamas. The woman was asleep the moment her head hit the pillow.
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Brokenhearts
Rank 15 (On Angie's Level)
Beware, all ye who talk 2 me
Posts: 4,934
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Post by Brokenhearts on Apr 7, 2007 11:29:08 GMT -5
part 1 (i got kinda bored ) Helena Thompson. A little known journalist. Notorious for being able to get what ever information she wants from an interviewee. Curious to a fault. And immensely eccentric. In her office she was well known and well liked. She got on with everyone, and enjoyed their company. She would attend their parties and joined in their their fun. But she was still rather secluded and kept to herself. But with her odd comments about her family and what she did out of work, people didn’t feel the absence of knowledge about her. Not till a stranger, came to the office and started asking questions about her and her ware abouts. Lucy Turner, a friend of Helena, was asked first. She was at the desk that morning, chatting to the secretary (Carla Laurance) when he came over. He was tall, dressed in casual jeans and a clean white shirt. He had a plain sweat shirt tied round his waist, and ipod ear phones in his ears as he walked over to them. Carla was already simpering while Lucy gave him a once over and turned back to her work on the desk in front of her. She was engaged, she had no interest in the man. Though he was rather good looking. Not anything out of the ordinary. Strong jaw and nose, wide green eyes, chocolate brown, short wavy hair that fell ‘mysteriously’ into his eyes. His body was toned and his biceps were very evident. “Hello ladies,” he said, cheerfully, not at all flirty surprisingly. It made Lucy look up frowning slightly. Normally those words would sound sleazy. In this case it sounded almost colloquial and polite! “Hi,” giggled Carla, going pink. The stranger bestowed a gentle smile on her. “Do you know where I can find Helena Thompson by any chance?” ‘Boyfriend?’ wandered Lucy mildly, realising she didn’t even know if Helena was taken or not. “Yeah,” responded Lucy before Carla could say anything more, “she’s a friend of mine. She just gone to interview George Jacobs.” “The MP?” asked the stranger in surprised. “One and the same,” smiled Lucy at his surprise, “it is her job you know.” “Of coarse,” he replied, shaking his head at his stupidity, “do you know when she’ll be back?” “Oh she tends to work from home, she isn’t usually here.” “Do you know where I might be able to find her.” Lucy opened her mouth then closed it. ‘No actually...’ she didn’t know where Helena lived. She doubted anyone did. She did know she lived with her sister and her niece, but that was it. She didn’t even know her sister’s name, let alone the niece! Another thought struck her. Could this be the mysterious Luke Harper? Her sister’s ex husband? He certainly looked about the age. She frowned. But Luke Harper, she supposed would have been a thug of some kind. Not well mannered or well dressed. Not from the rant Lucy had heard of him. “We are not allowed to disclose such information,” said Carla primly, smiling genuinely. Almost happy to say something that almost sounded important. Though it did not take much to guess that she had no idea what she was talking about. The stranger nodded, solumnly. “Of course- how stupid of me,” he smiled gently, “do you know when she’ll be back here? Tomorrow perhaps?” Carla looked at Lucy for this one. Lucy smiled and nodded. “Yeah, she brings her stories back in the next day- she’s good like that. Want me to give her a messege?” He shook his head good naturedly. “No no, it’ll be alright.” “Can I give her any warning?” persisted Lucy. The stranger hesitated then nodded. “Tell her it’s to do with her thesis. She’ll know what I’m talking about. Or at least I hope so… or else I’ve got the wrong Helena Thompson.” Carla giggled at the comment while Lucy let out a short ‘humph’ of laughter, trying to hide a smirk. “Believe me, it’s hard to confuse Helena Thompson with anyone else,” Lucy said sincerely. “I’m sure,” he nodded, “I may see you soon ladies. Good bye.” With that he left, waving over his shoulder, replacing the ear phones in his ears. Lucy frowned after him, before shuffling through her work. She didn’t like the stranger. He was too clean cut. Too polite. It felt like he was acting. “Oh he was cute!” squeeled Carla, “who’d you think he was?!” Lucy looked up at the younger girl. She could be forgiven, she couldn’t have been older than twenty one. She’d learn. “Could have been her boyfriend,” Lucy said casually, “you never know with Helena.” Carla sighed. “True… I mean- she never says very much about herself! For all we know he could be… her ex-husband or something!” Lucy wanted to laugh, then realised she couldn’t. Carla was right. There was so little known about Helena. So little and yet she was a large part of their lives.
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Brokenhearts
Rank 15 (On Angie's Level)
Beware, all ye who talk 2 me
Posts: 4,934
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Post by Brokenhearts on Apr 7, 2007 11:35:50 GMT -5
part 2 (A) True to her word, Helena came in the next day looking exhausted, muttering darkly about stupid obsessions. She had been up half the night trying to think of something more to write for her ‘Nightmare Thesis’ as she had come to call it. The other half was spent editing the story behind the interview with the MP about the disappearances of several well-to-do people in the Capital. Right from the start she could tell Mr Jacobs was nervous. Helena had played on that, being far more demanding in her questions, and often not waiting for a moment before asking her next question. Although the man was under a lot of pressure, he held out, keeping what knowledge he had to himself. Helena couldn't get more than about the same five answers, Jacobs didn't even slip. Which was unusual and irritated Helena no ends, she was so used to getting all the information she needed. She came into the office looking exhausted and tired. Her clothes were creased and her usually styled hair was tied back in a simple pony tail. Lucy immediately knew something was bothering her. Glancing at her friend, Lucy pushed back strays of blonde back into her bun. Her brown eyes flicked back to her computer screen. She sighed. Curiosity was always a trait of every journalist she knew, and she knew it was going to be her own down fall. But she had to know about the stranger who had come the day before, and why Helena looked ready to drop. She walked over to Helena with a file in her arms. “Helena, sweetie, you alright?” asked Lucy, “no offence… you don’t look as hot as you usually do.” Helena looked up at her friend blearily. “Penny had a fever last night,” she admitted, refuring to her niece, who had come with her to the office once, “and I was up all night working.” Again no lie. But she wouldn’t say anything about her thesis. As much as she trusted Lucy, Helena didn’t want too many people knowing of her obsession with the unknown. It was bad enough her sister thought she was crazy and the fact that Penelope, her niece, had caught the bug as well. “The disappearance story?” asked Lucy, interestedly. “Yeah. This thing has got more twists and turns than anyone would have thought! And-” she stopped and glanced round, going slightly pink, then beconed her friend closer, “I couldn’t even get a straight answer out of the guy! He’d dance round the question and he was sweating like a pig the whole time!” “Nervous twitch? Stammering? Looking else where?” asked Lucy in quick sucession. “You bet’cha.” They both exchanged suspsious glances. They had come to learn when someone was lying and when they were trying to avoid the subject getting nervous. “He knows whats going on. He doesn’t want us to know.” “Did you write that in?” asked Lucy nervously, such controversial remarks were generally frowned on in the news paper. Helena sighed and shook her head. “You know Rogers is Jacobs man- which is the only reason I got the interview! I bet you ten quid that before…” she glanced at the clock behind them. Ten to ten. “Before eleven he calls me into his office and get moody with me for being so harsh on the guy.” Lucy shook her head grinning. “No way! You are never wrong. I am not walking into that trap again.” Helena laughed, her tiredness seemed to be swept away with that expression. Lucy was used to that Helena, not the tired one that had walked in. “Helena…” Lucy started. “Yep?” she replied, logging onto her partition on the computer, putting her USB into the port to save her story. “There was a man here yesterday, asking for you.” “Oh?” Helena was surprised. As far as she knew her father and mother were still in Australia and Luke Harper was behind bars (for the time being at least) and all her male friends Lucy had met and liked. “Who was he?” “He didn’t leave a name. He just said something about a thesis you’re working on.” Helena paused for a moment. She could have sworn she felt her heart stop. Taking in a sharp breath she carried on looking through the files for her newest story. “Really? Is he sure it was the right Helena Thomson?” Lucy chuckled. “That’s just like something he said before he left. He was quite good look, tall, muscular-” “Dark and handsome?” asked Helena mockingly, glancing up, “I’m a shamed of you Lucy! What would Charlie have to say?!” “Oh shut up,” retorted Lucy, trying to hide her grin, “I was just observing- don’t say it,” she added quickly, seeing her friend’s cheey glimmer back in her eyes. “Honestly, Helena, he was very cute. But he was so polite… almost overly polite. Like he was acting or something. I didn’t like him…” “Did you tell him where I was?” Lucy shook her head. “I said you were at home… but I don’t know where that is.” There was a lingering paused. She didn’t expect an answer, but she was still curious as to why Helena was so secretive. “But anyway, he said he’d come back today. He wanted to talk to you about your thesis.” She trailed off, she couldn’t contain her last question. “What thesis?” Not for the first time Helena was glad she continued for so long with her acting. She chuckled. “You do know it’s not the first time I like to write something a little unconventional.” Lucy frowned. “Meaning…” “I wrote something on children’s belifs in myths; you know fairies, sprites… that sort of thing. How they could possibly be based on truth.” “You really are the office excentric,” giggled Lucy, touching her friend’s shoulder, “by the way, I can see him.” “See who?” “The one who wants to talk to you about your imaginary thesis.” Helena looked up at her, her brows furroud in a frown. Lucy looked over her shoulder, through the large glass window to the lobby. A tall man stood there talking to Carla. Helena frowned looking at him. He didn’t look famillar. He didn’t look out of the ordinary. He looked fairly normal. Though as she watched him, too normal. His body movement, gestures, facial expressions, they all seemed rather too measured and calculated. He was acting, and there was too much of it. Too forced. He glanced up to look through the glass. Helena’s blue eyes widened and she looked away sharply. “I see what you mean,” she muttered, “theres something about him I don’t like.” “Hummm,” agreed Lucy, looking over the stranger with contempt, “he was worse yesterday. Want me to get rid of him?” Helena shook her head standing up. “I’ll talk to him.” She bent to print her story. “Give this to Rogers will you? I have a bad feeling I’ll be a while.” Lucy nodded. “Sure.” Helena made her way to the lobby, fully aware of the fact that the stranger had his eyes fixed on her. She met his steely green gaze, rather unimpressed and she showed it. She pushed the glass door open. “You were looking for Helena Thompson?” she stated rather coldly to the man. “Yes,” he replied, smiling, again it seemed fake, “that would be you… right?” She nodded curtly coming into the room, walking over to him her hand held out to him in a business like manner. She was completely thrown when instead of shaking it, he took her fingers in his large hands and pressed his lips to the back of her hand gently. To her embaressment, Helena found herself with flushing cheeks and neck as he let her hand go. “What an honor to make your aquaintance,” he stated, drawning himself up to his origional height, examining her face. He smirked. The first real expression Helena imagined to have seen since she noticed him, “if I may have a private word?” “W- would you like to step outside?” she asked, getting angry with herself for stammering. What was she?! A fifteen year old girl with a crush again?! This man was rather intimadating close up, and she was rather disgruntled by it. She turned round and walked briskly towards the exit, hearing the soft pat of his shoes on the marble floor as he followed her. By the time they were out of the building and onto the street, Helena realised she hadn’t yet asked him his name. Not knowing why, she turned round promptly to ask him then and there. He got in there first. “Miss Thompson, I know what your first question will be, and I’ll tell you tha-” “First of all, mister,” she started, almost childishly, “the name’s Helena, Miss Thompson makes me feel like a teacher. Secondly, I don’t see why your name is such an issue. ‘Coz I’m going no where untill you tell me that.” He stared at her then started chuckling at her, his muscular shoulders shaking slightly. “They warned me you were spunky-” “You mean blunt.” “Well they said spunky-” “Wait… who’s they?!” He started laughing again. “There is alot to learn Helena.” “First I would like to know who you are.” He studied her eyes again, then relaxed. “Alexander William Van Helsing, youngest son or Marcus Van Helsing and the last direct descendant of Gabriel Van Helsing. As far as I know anyway.” “So uh… what would I call you Alexander William Van Helsing with lots of ansestery?” “Should have known you’d be rude as well.” She opened her mouth to argue with him, but he cut her off with an answer. “Alec will do. Now, do you want answers or not?” “I’m a reporter- what do you think?” “Should I take that as a no then?” Helena looked up at him, glaring at him hard. He was cocky, she wasn’t sure she liked him. He was hiding something, and she wanted to know what. What did he want with her? Who were they? How the hell did he know about her thesis anyway? “Heh heh…” he looked rather nervous, genuinely nervous, “I wasn’t warned about the fact that you could almost kill with that look…” “Start talking Van Helsing,” she snapped harshly. His eyes darted round the area. “Not here, too open. Is there a coffee shop or something near by? Something quiet?” “I know a bar.” He raised his eye brows at her. “I know the owner- shoot me. You wanted somewhere quiet to talk.” He sighed. “I wish someone had warned me a little more about your sharp tongue than your knowledge.” Helena turned her back to him and walked in the direction of Rookie. “Keep up Van Helsing, you’re the one who came looking for me.” Alec followed her shaking his head. He would have said something more, but he needed her help too much to risk insulting her. Lucy watched them from the shadows their office building cast. After handing Rogers the story, she got curious as to who the man was, and what he really wanted with Helena. She left Carla with a message that she had a new lead on one of her long lasting stories and she was going to follow it up. She left the building in a rush, so Carla couldn’t ask too many questions. Seeing the two standing outside talking, she kept to th shadows, trying to get nearer to hear what they were saying, But to be in better ear shot she would have been seen, and she did not want or need that. Helena would get upset. She caught snippets of the conversation. But it wasn’t enough. By Helena’s expression, she was getting no where with this Alec guy. No answers meant both were unsatisfied. When they walked off, Lucy was certain to where they would go. Helena’s favourite place to go if someone wanted somewhere quiet to give an interview or if she just needed a break. A tiny little bar, started and run by the same family for three generations. Helena loved the place. Lucy walked faster than the two, loosing herself in the crowd of people they met along the way. She was pretty sure she got there first as she made her way down the stairs, to the bar. She ordered a juice, and found a corner place to sit. Armed with her book, note pad, papers and pens, she could have easily just been working there to get away from the noise. Even Helena couldn’t get upset with her. What was more was that it was close to the table where Helena always sat, it seemed to Lucy that it was almost reserved for her. (more 2 come )
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Post by Ethan on Apr 7, 2007 15:50:21 GMT -5
This is pretty good, but the dialogue could use a bit of work to make it flow more natrually.... as for what to write next....
Have Alec and Helena sit down...and talk normally for a bit, until Alec mentions....let's ust say...vampire...then Lucy hears it, and is immediately peaked withher interest...then it gives her grounds to investigate more, without knowing too much at first...
then have Alec take Helena and prove who he is...by slaying some form of supernatural creature...but if Lucy follows them or not, its up to you...she should. then, if she does, only have her witness a part of it that isnt exactly supernatural (you dont want her to know everything at once... and then... I unno...
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Post by Emily on Apr 7, 2007 16:56:27 GMT -5
Sorry haven't had enough time to read it all - I have to go now lol but it's good so far (just finished the prologue) She had once been too scared to be awake beyond midnight. In her child's mind, the night time hours after midnight were more dangerous than usual. She had never liked the dark. Until she turned about fourteen or so. The fear simply evaporated. I like the above sentence, it's effective in setting the scene, I like the whole theme so far, but it's very similair to a book I've read not so long ago, the plot will probably be a lot different, you may not even have read it but just letting you know Will write more later!
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Post by Ethan on Apr 8, 2007 13:16:58 GMT -5
ok..this selection has potential, but it is not my favourite thing you have written. Frist off, the dialogue seems rather forced, and doesn't flow as well as it could...
second, and most urgent... Lucy is learning too much too quickly... instead of having her hear the werewolf, vampire, and witch part, have her hear parts like
this way, she is interested, and will only think that alec is some sort of assasin or mercenary working for the government...this way, Lucy can interperate "my people" as Jacobs...which would freak her out, but not as much as hearing vampires and werewolves and witches... she shouldn't know that just yet. That is just giving her more info than is needed.
and thirdly: switch to Lucy more during the conversation...that would just make it more interesting to read
EDIT: there's more
-describe the bar more...what does it look like? how many people? Why she chose this place for a private conversation eventhough it doesnt seem private because Lucy can hear them -Why arent they whispering or talking quietly...I'm sure Alec doesnt want the world to know what he is -why does Alec jumop right itno it...shouldnt there be a bit of a lead up before he tells helena..like some speech about things that go bump in the night or something
thats all for now...If I think of anything else, I'll tell you
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Brokenhearts
Rank 15 (On Angie's Level)
Beware, all ye who talk 2 me
Posts: 4,934
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Post by Brokenhearts on Apr 8, 2007 16:41:08 GMT -5
(part 2 B (EDITED))
Looking round, Lucy could see why Helena liked the place so much. They had cubiclaes for the tables, with high walls between each one, giving the poeple at each othe the tables far more privacy than most bars or restaurants.
What was more was that it was a little known place. Though it was open during the day, just then the blonde woman was there on her own. The only other person in the large room was the bar tender and the young man was leaning against the bar with his back to her, reading a book, an ear phone in his ear, the other out to hear for when people walked in.
It was surprisingly well light, though only artificually. The floors were wooden, the cieling had low hanging lights, as was to be expected in a basement bar. The tables were steel with a plastic top, and easily cleaned. The whole place was clean, almost homely.
‘I wander how she found this place,’ Lucy wandered to herself.
Helena walked down the stairs to the shadows, pausing when she realised Alec hadn’t followed her down. She looked up at him. He was standing at the top of the stairs looking down scepitcally. Almost as though he was looking out for something in the shadows nearer the bar.
“Uh, hello, Van Helsing?” she asked, waving at him, “are you coming? Or do I have to get back to work now?”
His attention snapped back to her immediately. She smirked as she turned round and finished the journey to Rookie, hearing his padded footsteps coming down the steps quickly. She was right, he needed her help.
“Hey Bobby,” called Helena as she walked in, the bar was surprisingly well lit.
“Helen! Baby!” called a boistrous voice from the back, there was a moment’s pause, and a large, rounded man walked into view grinning at his favourite customer. His eyes were brown, small and watery and the smile he bestowed on Helena was like an uncle on his favourite niece.
Lucy looked up at the two and burried her face in her work. She never realised her friend knew this place so well. Though it was not all that surprising that the older man had taken to Helena so well- the woman was friendly and easy going.
Helena laughed and leaned across the bar to hug the man.
“What you been up to? Managed to get whats going on outta that rat?”
“Which one,” Helena giggled, Bobby always made her laugh, there was just something funny about him.
“Jacobs!” announced the large man easily, “that man has got his fingers in so many pies he’s up to his toes now!”
“Don’t like him?”
“Not really,” he grinned, then spotted Alec standing in the door way looking over at the two confused, “so who’s this young man?” winked Bobby, nodding at Alec.
“Who- oh that’s just Alec.” She rolled her eyes at the other man exasperatedly.
“Just? Come here son!” he called Alec over.
Alec looked surprised and came closer looked very embaressed.
“What will you have?” Bobby asked kindly, “I know our Helena isn’t the most forth coming of women.” He dodged the flat of
Helena’s hand with surprising ease, laughing.
Alec risked a chuckle, only to be glared down by Helena, he ducked his head instead. “Be-?”
“He’ll have a juice,” interrupted Helena, looking at Alec icily, “I don’t need you drunk. And besides, it’s morning.”
“I can handle my drink,” he protested.
All it took was Helena’s glare again, and he shrugged it off. He knew he couldn’t argue with her. If he was going to have her help, he was going to need to work by her terms. That was anything but an easy task for him to carry out.
“Orange juice if you have it please,” Alec told him.
Bobby smiled secretively as he nodded and turned to Helena.
“Apple juice,” her voice was light and warm again, her expression clear and friendly. “We’ll be where I usually sit.”
“Coming right up, baby,” Bobby said very loudly.
As they made their way over to Helena’s favourite place in the building, Alec commented, “you make friends in the most unlikeliest of places.”
Helena chuckled. “You have no idea,” she replied shaking her head, sitting down.
Bobby brought the drinks over and asked if they wanted anything else. Helena shook her head decisively. The older man patted her shoulder gently as she promised to come back again soon, and with Penelope. That made Bobby grin even more as he walked away.
Lucy grumbled to herself. They weren’t entirely in ear shot. She only caught the odd word. These cubicales were nice and cosy, but a pain to evesdrop from.
“Penelope?” asked Alec, surprised.
“Didn’t they tell you?” she replied sarcastically, “I’m asking the questions this time, you can ask yours later.”
“So I can ask?”
She paused. “We’ll see. So what do you want? How do you know me? How do you know about my thesis?”
Alec took a deep breath. This was going to take a while…
He leaned forewards, putting his voice down to a low whisper, causing Helena to come down closer to him. Their faces were only inches a part, and yet she still found it hard to catch everyword. “Well, about your thesis. My… people I supposed, the ones I work for, have been aware of you since you were about fourteen. You’ve been asking alot of questions about them for a very long time, and now your writing them down. What’s more is that’s you’re getting answers! Which hasn’t happened for centuries-”
“Wait!” interrupted Helena, “who are your people?”
Lucy sat up at that, Helena’s comment was the only thing she heard clearly. His people? Made him sound like a mob leader of some kind. What was Helena getting herself involved in?! What did they want her for?! She strained her ears for more, but still the cubicles kept most of the conversation private.
“Look,” sighed Helena, “I’m not stupid. But slow down would you. Start from the beginning.”
Alec ground his teeth. Didn’t this woman understand the need for discretion? He shook his head, sitting back, taking a sip from his orange juice. Where was he going to start? There was so much to tell her.
He leant forewards again, his voice was a little louder then, but Helena found herself leaning forewards to be able to hear him. From his smirk, she got the feeling he was starting to enjoy it. She glared at him, but he ignored it.
“Have you ever got that feeling? That you’re not the only one in the room? That something you can’t see is watching you?” Helena allowed a frown to crease her forehead. Alec rolled his eyes and continued. “I mean I know it’s usual human paranoia and all. And probably half of sightings from aliens, or ghosts are from people getting too drunk or something… but… what if I told you… what I told you those things exist? That those things from Mythology actually exist!” He cast his eyes round dramatically, “that they’re right here now. Those so-called nightmare creatures…”
Helena yawned in his face and sat back. “You expect me to believe that?”
“Oh come on,” he was starting to tire of this mouthy woman, “we know about your thesis, we know about your work! We know what you’ve written… what you think of us!”
Lucy frowned. Written about us? The supressed a gulp. Jacobs! Of coarse! It hadn’t been the first time Helena had written about them, and she was ever critical of him. Had she finally drawn the line when she made it clear that she was going to find out about the disappearances?!
Helena shook her head. “What are you?” she hissed, “some kinda stalker or something?!”
Alec chuckled. “No… those are what my people do for me. I do the dirty work. I told you… i work for them, but I don’t have the same specialities as them. Do you want answers or not?!”
Helena paused. “Yes…” she admittedly finally, “I do. What do I need to do?”
“Listen to me… and ask questions afterwards.”
Helena leant back studying his face, eyes searching over his redish brown hair, his bold, strong features, and finally his watching, cunning green eyes. Then nodded, leaning forewards.
“Tell me,” she said, beconing him closer so he could whisper what he needed to say again.
For some reason, Alec found himself being reminded of a leopard or something similar. She had the same watching eyes, only in blue.
Lucy’s confusion was deepened further. Answers? Helena was talking to this man for answers? Was he an insider? Was he giving his fellow reporter more leads? More answers? With all the disappearances, Helena could give anything to get to the bottom of it.
She tried her hardest to hear more. But the whispers were far too low. She could only catch a glimpse of the odd word as they spoke.
“First of all, I guess you should know I work for the so-called Nightmare creatures.” Helena visably struggled to keep quiet, but she had said that she wouldn’t even move untill he finished. She always kept her word. “It’s my job to execute those of them that get out of hand, that go round killing us day time creatures or try to take over the world.
“You caught their attention when you carried on believeing in them, when most children started to put them down to imagination and nigtmares they had while they were younger. You seemed to genuinely believe. And you seemed to ask the right questions and get all the answers you needed. After some of your interviews I’ve seen, I not surprised!
“But you see… they didn’t know if you were a threat or not. They’re still mostly divided on letting themselves be know to the rest of humanity, and they didn’t know if that was what you intended to do. They realised pretty soon that even though you still believed, you did not think it was a good idea to present your evidence as truth, rather more as a thesis.
“But because of your thesis… we need your help-”
Helena couldn’t help herself. “My help?!” she let out a shriek, sitting up suddenly as Alec pressed his large hands to his ears protectively.
This made Lucy sit up- they needed Helena? What for?!
“Hush,” retorted Alec, looking round, putting his palm firmly over her mouth, he knew it would bubble out of her eventually, he just hadn’t realised it would would have been so loud, “listen. You gathered alot of information of different clans of… my friends. More information than most of them have. And you have the where abouts of a more dangerous ones, ones me and my people have been looking for, for a very long time. I’m surprised you didn’t realise the significance of what you found.”
Helena frowned. He wasn’t talking about… what that old man told her. Even she thought his rambelings were rubbish, but she kept what he had said anyway. In case it was useful.
“So you see… we need your help. Not only because of the information. But because your traits as a journalist as well… and because there aren’t many people like you left in the world. My people need more like you.”
“But who are your people?!”
“Vampires, werewolves, witches-”
“You have to be kidding me.”
‘Oh boy,’ thought Alec, ‘here we go.’
“I mean vampires and werewolves?!” she tried a stammering laugh but it was not working. She assumed a different tactic, standing up as if ready to go she stated, “look, who are you?! How do you really know about my work?”
“I just told you,” he said tiredly.
“But that’s all bullcrap,” she snapped, “I’m not a little girl that you can tease and take the piss.”
“But I’m not,” he insisted, getting earnest, he needed her help. They all did. Those Vampires were dangerous, to humans as well as the rest of their race, “I’m tell the truth!”
Vampires? This sparked Lucy imagination. Those were odd code names…
Helena watched his face. Why was he so desperate about this joke? Why was he so panicky? As usual, her cat like curiosity got the better of her. She sat down, crossed her right leg over her left quietly, folding her hands in her lap, looking down. Her eyes darting left and right as she considered what he said.
Across from her, Alec was starting to get worried. He knew all to well that when a woman with that sort of temper cooled off so quickly could only mean trouble.
She looked up at him, her blue eyes pieceing through him. The intensity of the look caught him off guard, and she knew it.
“Prove it,” she stated.
“What?”
“Prove it. Prove who you are. That your the police-”
“Executioner.”
“What ever. Just prove what you say is true.”
That was it? That was all he had to do? Oh that was far too easy. “Will you listen to me then? Give me a chance?”
She smirked contentedly, raising her chin. “Of course.” There was no way she could loose this.
It took all of Lucy’s will not to get up and tell Helena she was insane. He had said executioner! All that was was a primative word for assassin or mercianary! That was all that man was. And Helena was going to go with him willingly?! When he could easily turn on her?! Was the woman insane! Lucy knew Helena would go far to get her story, she was far too stubborn to give it up. But this?! This was suicide!
But… Lucy was caught with the same curiosity bug, which meant this Alec person would have to prove it to her too. Lucy made her mind up then and there, she was going to follow the two of them till she found an answer her mind could comprhend.
“Meet me here, tonight, seven o’clock,” Lucy hear Alec say to Helena, “I’ve got a werewolf to capture with a mate of mine.”
“Oh this I have to see,” said Helena mockingly.
Lucy heard them stand up, dropping money on the table. Then foot steps leading away from her and the door creak open.
“See you tonight, Mr. Van Helsing.”
“See you then, Miss Thompson.”
The door closed with a tinkle and Lucy finally relaxed.
The situation with Helena was starting to intrigue her more and more. But more than that… it scared her.
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Post by Emily on Apr 8, 2007 17:14:20 GMT -5
Love it Broky! It shows a lot of potential, but you need to tighten up on spelling and grammar. Not trying to nitpick but there are quite a few mistakes, just not obvious.. Like mixing up wonder (as in thinking) and wander (as in walking, getting lost) - just an example but the little stuff like that can really let a good story down, but otherwise it's good.
The Prologue is good, but it's a little awkward, in the sense that it doesn't flow as well as it could do. Just an example but: Might sound a bit better if you put... "The fear had simply evaporated".
Just a thought, you may want to keep it as it is.
Awaiting the next bit ;D
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Post by Ethan on Apr 9, 2007 15:57:51 GMT -5
ok...aside from a few spelling and grammar mistakes (I refuse to point those out, the writer will OBVIOUSLY fix those when the story is finished) This bit is 100000000000% better than it was in my oppinion. I like the Lucy part more, it shows that she is trying to rationalize (a journalistic trait) the situation instead of believing that these "nightmare creatures" are real beings. BUT! and i stress the but (hehehe that sounded wrong ) he talking before Alec's explanation is still a bit choppy and doesn't flow the way your dialogue usually does. there were some confusing lines like that sounds weird to me...and if I can't understand right off it (as big headedly intelligent as I am), the readers may not make sense of it at first as well. just smooth out the dialogue, make Alec's little "Night Creature" speech a bit more eerie sounding, and add some fancy words and this selection will be good
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Brokenhearts
Rank 15 (On Angie's Level)
Beware, all ye who talk 2 me
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Post by Brokenhearts on Apr 9, 2007 16:13:56 GMT -5
Helena arrived home, to her little flat in the East End of London. She had several friendly greetings from naibours and shop owners near by. She waved at them before stepping into the building.
The first thing she spotted in the lobby was the fact that the lift was out of order. Again.
Glaring at the closed doors and the sighn blu-tac-ed to the top of the door way, she made her way up the stairs, pulling her brown hair into a loose pony tail. It was a long way up.
By the time she reached her flat, Helena slumped into the room, exhausted.
“Hey Helena,” called Penelope from the living room.
“How’d you know it was me?” asked the older woman, dragging her feet down the short corridor that ended in the living room.
It was small, compacted, and cosy. Helena loved it. It really was only meant for a couple at the most, rather than two sisters and a daughter. But it worked for the three of them fine.
The whole space consisted of a study, that often doubled up as a bedroom for Helena, but not all that often, a living room (also a bedroom for Penelope and her mother), a kitchen, a bedroom and a bathroom. It was all they needed, and it was home.
The living room may have been small, but it was light and airy, with large windows opening on a surprisingly good view of the East End. There was a TV in the corner, a three seated sofa and two single comfy chairs opposite it, with a coffee table in the middle. Pictures lined the walls and tops book shevles. Memories collected over the years.
As Helena walked into the living room, the first thing she saw was the small frame of Penelope Harper. Her light brown hair, shining red in the sunlight, her light skin slightly luminated in its glow. Her slim hands folded in her lap, as her legs tucked up underneth her as she sat and watched the program infront of her inquisitively.
Penelope had always been a sickly child. Too thin for anyone’s liking, even at birth. Her build was small and slight, and with her being so under weight, she looked almost anorxic. Almost, her lively nature and the fact that she loved food so much constantly would contradict that. It was dibetes that caused her to be so thin, not anorxia.
As a result, her face may have looked rather alot older than her real age, but her height only just reached five foot one. Getting sick as a child contrabuted to that.
Dispite all that, Penelope was strong, independant, out going and far too like her aunt for her mother’s liking. What was more was that he family close to her had given up worrying when she got ill- she always won the war in her body.
“Well, Theresa said she wouldn’t get back till six,” Penelope replied, refurring to her mother, “and it’s four. Who else would it be?! Theresa’s maticulous!” Besides having inherited her aunt’s unusual, inquisative blunt behaviour, Penelope seemed to have gained Helena’s power over words too.
Helena put her hand on her hip, looking irritated. “I’m so glad I don’t have to take you to work yet,” she stated, “you’d show me up!”
“Hehe,” cackled the younger girl, “only two months and I’ll be taking over your job!”
Helena sat heavily next to the naturel brunette.
“Oh I can’t wait,” she replied, mockingly, “this will be so fun. Why do they have work expiriance?!”
Penelope just laughed at Helena’s dramatic sighs and expressions. She had never been any good at acting, she admired the way her aunt to portray any emotion she wanted to at will.
Penelope abruptly, turned round, streching her legs out along the sofa and laid her head in Helena’s lap looking up at her.
Absently, Helena played with her hair.
“Anything interesting happen today?”
Helena was dying to tell the girl about Alec and his rediculous claim. The two would laugh about it then speculate how he would be able to pull it off that evening, untill Penelope paniced and would try to persuade her not to go. What was more, there was always a chance that Penelope would believe van Helsing.
She too believed firmly in the same creatures as Helena. Often claiming she had seen them. As she was younger, it didn’t surprise Helena much at all. They probably would be risking too much show themselves to humans. But she refused to get her niece’s hopes up- it was too cruel.
“Oh… not much. Rogers had a go at me for giving Jacobs a hard time. But what’cha gonna do.” Penelope giggled. “I’d give Rogers another year, then he’ll quit. Sounds like your fellow reporters are getting rather sick of him lording over their work.”
Sighing Helena smiled, “I wish it was that simple… he’s editor, he gets paid a lot. It’s take more than the journalists under him revolting to make him quit. He’s after the money, not what information his paper gives out. And he’s in with the government, he’s their man!”
“You need to find another news paper.”
“I wish… it’s so hard now. The only thing I’ll get at the moment is in something mindless like cosmo or something!”
Both females sighed heavily.
Though only fifteen, Penelope was painfully aware of the injustice of the world she lived in. Even more painfully aware of the fact that there wasn’t much she could do about it.
“I need to go out at six thirty,” said Helena suddenly, getting up, putting Penelope’s head gently on the sofa as she did so, “so I’ll get dinner started. Theresa probably ate when she went out.”
“Don’t blame her,” said the tiny girl, staring at the cieling, “they get good food at those meetings!”
Helena chuckled, moving off to the kitchen. Her amused expression slide off as soon as she was out of sight and ear shot. She was starting to get nervous. Not of what was going to happen that night, of what she didn’t know. Alec’s name, Van Helsing was starting to irritate her. There was something about it. She recognised it from somewhere. The question really was… where?!
“Penny!” called Helena.
“DON’T CALL ME THAT!” cried Penelope, “you know I hate it!”
Helena laughed, even when she was feeling low Penelope would unwittingly make her laugh. Teenagers were such unusual creatures. “Fine, Penelope.”
“Yes, Helena,” she replied, sounding a lot calmer.
“Do you recognise the name Van Helsing?”
There was a pause as Penelope seemed to consider the question. “Yeah… Gabriel Van Helsing right?”
That was the name he used for his ancestry! Helena’s mind was sent reeling.
“Yeah,” she called out.
“Vampire hunter,” replied Penelope, “lived in there seventeen hundreds or something. Younger brother to Doctor Abraham Van Helsing, also a form of Vampire hunter. But people say they killed other creatures as well.”
“Nerd!” teased Helena, jokingly.
“Nah- Wikapedea addict,” retorted Penelope good naturedly, “why’d you wanna know anyway?”
“Just heard it today in a book shop,” dismissed the older woman turning the ovan on, considering what she could make, “I knew I had heard it somewhere. Just didn’t know where!”
Penelope laughed audibly from the living, then quietened down. Helena sighed, she knew very well her niece had seen right through that, but had enough respect and trust in her aunt to let it go. For the time being at least. Penelope had never really been any good at acting.
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Post by Ethan on Apr 9, 2007 16:45:51 GMT -5
1. I really like this part...don't have much suggestions... the dialogue flows, the descriptions are good..i like how Penalope idolizes Helena 2. It's Wikipedia...not Wikapedea
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Brokenhearts
Rank 15 (On Angie's Level)
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Post by Brokenhearts on Apr 12, 2007 12:54:52 GMT -5
next bit By the tim six came round, Penelope and Helena were sitting infront of the television watching ‘Men In Tights’, popcorn in a bowl on Penelope’s stomach, her head in her aunt’s lap. Helena smiled, enjoying the moment. She was usually working at that time, at her computer attacking a story. After her attack on Jacobs, Rogers had given her much lower profile work. It was more of an insult than a punishment. Rogers knew all to well that Helena was too good-a reporter to fire her, but he did exercise his power to give her demening stories. Instead, Helena had glared at him and told him grudgingly he’d have it the next afternoon. Meaning he’d have to publish it the next d. Seeing as they weren’t that important, it didn’t make much difference when they were published. She had even forced herself to give up on her thesis for that night. If what Alec Van Helsing was saying was true, she’d have more to write the next day- she somehow got the feeling she’d be out till the early hours of the morning if she was lucky. Just then, she wanted to enjoy some free time with her niece, and half an hour with her only and favourite sibling when she got home. She barely had any time for them, her work came first, it was the only thing keeping them a float and im time for the rent. But any time Helena could afford to spend with Theresa or Penelope, she relished it. She heard the key pushed into the old, rusty, noisey lock, squeeking itself loudly open. The door swung open with a small bang. Helena immediately recognised the heavey foot steps of her much older sister. “Hey Terri!” called Helena happily, “come watch Men in Tights with us!” “Uh… not now,” came the tired, quiet voice of Theresa Harper, as she made her way to Helena’s bedroom. Helena and Penelope looked at each other, confused. The three of them shared a love for that film, they watched it almost whenever they could. Without a word to each other, Penelope sat up, keeping the popcorn in her lap, as Helena got up to find her sister. She knocked on the door quietly, as Penelope put up the volume so she didn’t hear what the two sisters would have to say to each other. Her reasoning always had been, she it was time for her to find something out- she would. “Theresa?” called Helena, sounding worried, “Terri, hun? Can I come in?” “Yes…” came the dreamy voice of the oldest woman in the house. Theresa always sounded as though she was in a dream, though now it sounded like her dream had turned into a nightmare. Helena pushed the door open and came inside quietly, closing the door soundlessly behind her. Terri was sitting on Helena bed, crossed legged. Her high heeled black shoes were on the floor infront of her. Her black, pencil skirt was slightly ruffled, her black blazer lay neatly next to her and her white shirt was all creased, unbottened at the throat and cuffs. Her naturally, dark brown, long wavey hair was out of it’s usual tight, high pony tail and fell in her face. Theresa was a creature of neatness, habit and perfection. Nothing was ever out of place with her. Even at home she looked tidy and neat, the most casual she would have her clothing was to have a top button undone, or her cuffs open. Otherwise her hair was out of her eyes, her clothes never creased, or anything of the like. Something was very wrong. “Terri… whats up?” “Nothing…” “You might be alot older than me, honey,” said Helena calmly, “but I know when something is bothering you.” Theresa looked up at her baby sister blankly. Her electric blue eyes appeared duller, blank, emotionless. Her normally quite bronzed skin looked paler, sickly pale. She looked unwell, and yet it was more than that. Helena came forewards and pressed her hand against Theresa’s forehead. She wasn’t feverish. She wasn’t ill. As she moved her hands to her siser’s neck instead, she felt the pulse beneth her fingers. It was fast and rushing. Like she had been running, or she was scared of something. All that time Theresa didn’t move, her eyes fixed on the darker blue of the younger girl’s. It as if she wasn’t aware of what was going on. Helena sat back against her heels, looking up at the face that had acted as her mother for so long. The blankness scared her more than anything she had seen. Taking her hands, Helena pleaded again, “Terri please. What is it?” her voice soft, but tensed with the strain of panic threatening to enter her being, “what happened?” Theresa shook her head, bowing her neck, taking her hands away from Helena. “You wouldn’t understand.” “What do you mean? Terri! You’re scaring me now!” Theresa sighed heavily. A name passed from her lips softly. “Luke…” “Please please tell me you mean you have a boyfriend i don’t know about called Luke… please,” murmered Helena, not wanting to have anything to do with her sister’s ex. The comment tugged a sad half smile from Theresa’s set face. It was replaced momentarily with her blank expression. “Sorry Helena…” she muttered. Helena’s face hardened, and stood abruptly. “What’s he done now?” Theresa sighed. When she spoke, her voice was barely above a whisper. She sounded like a lost child, Helena could feel the hair on the back of her neck start to prickle. “He’s back. I mean, out of jail, back in the city. I don’t even know how he found me, but he left a message with Suzie saying that he wanted custordy of Penelope. That he’s her father and should be able to see her. He wants revenge…” “Revenge for what!” cried out Helena, then lowered her voice slightly, “he’s already fucked you up enough! And Penny hates him!” “No she doesn’t,” sighed Theresa, “she’s to young to remem-” “No she’s not!” retorted Helena briskly, “she’s clever. She knew even when she was five when something was wrong. And she hated it! She hates him! He’s not getting her back. He’s done enough damage. Next time he leaves a message, call the police or something! He’s deffinetly got a police record.” “You don’t understand,” Theresa’s voice was strained, “I can’t do anything to stop him! He was the one with the money, the house, everything. He’s got connections. I’m… I’m powerless-” “You’re only powerless because your letting yourself be,” snapped Helena coldly, “you never learned to fight back. You never bloody have. You always let people walk all over you. Harper took advantage of it. I was thirteen when you two got married and I told you right from the start the guy was a nasty piece of work!” “Yes, you were thirteen… you were too young to-” “Shut up Terri- You can’t justify this. You’re a push over. Even when it involves the people you love most. You never stand up for your self! Luke’s back and threatening to take Penny away from you… what do you do? You crumble. You fall to pieces! AND YOU ALWAYS HAVE!” “But you don’t understand. Helena, he’ll kill me!” Helena laughed mirthlessly. “Harper’s a coward, he doesn’t even have the guts.” Theresa shook her head. “I… I still can’t do anything. He has money, and influence, and more power than me… what he wants he’ll get.” The blood boiled in Helena’s viens. Theresa had always been that way, calm, subdued and quiet. But as a result, she was shy and a push over. People always could take advantage of her and easily scare her. No matter what. Helena had found that out very early in life, and made it her job to protect her sister from people who would do that to her. But all the same… Theresa was nearly fifty, she should have been able to look after herself. “No he WON’T!” Helena hissed, “you can’t let him get away with this! You did it when you two were married and you’re doing it again now your not! Stop being a push over theresa! Grow up!” “DON’T TELL ME TO GROW UP HELENA LOUSIA THOMPSON!” Theres shouted back at her, catching Helena off guard, Theresa never shouted, ever. She was standing her feet, very straight backed, her legs shoulder widtch a part and her small hands in fists by her sides. Her voice lowered, but anger laced her words like poison, “You do not know what it’s like to have a shadow over you life for so long! To have a hand in what ever you do because he has power over the one thing you would do anything for! So don’t tell me to grow up! If I’m not careful, he’ll kill me, come after you and make Penelope’s life an absolute misery! I can’t have that!” She promptly slumped back onto the bed, breathing heavily, head down, staring at the floor. “Terri…” whispered Helena, taking a tentive step forwards. “Just leave me alone,” sighed Theresa quietly. “Why didn’t you say any-” “I said… leave me alone…” she murmered softly, her tone more dangerous than when she shouted, looking up again suddenly, her electric blue eyes stormy, glisting with unfallen angry tears. Helena pursed her lips, and backed off. “Fine,” she snapped, opening the door, “that’s just fine.” She walked out slamming the door behind her. Penelope looked up worriedly. “Is Theresa ok?” she asked, timidly, almost as if she did not want to awaken the wrath she had probably heard, “are you?” Helena shook her head to clear it, looking at Penelope blankly. She was never quite sure how Theresa and Penelope looked a like, normally there wasn’t much reselmbalnce except for the hair, skin tone and height. But when Penelope worried or angst about something, the facial expression was the spitting image of her mother’s. “We’ll be fine,” smiled Helena, she glanced at the clock. Ten past six. She suddenly didn’t want to be home, not with Theresa brooding like she was. “I need to go-” she started. “I know,” grinned Penelope, still looking somewhat nervous, “I’ll fix Terri’s dinner… well… I’ll call Pizza Hut or something. You go have fun.” Helena chuckled nervously as she went to the small hall way the contained their coats and shoes. Fun? Was fun the right word? She shook her head, if only the younger girl knew… maybe then she would not have been so happy to let her aunt go. Zipping up her boot, and grabbing her coat from the peg, the her house key from the table top opposite she told Penelope not to wait up. With Penelope’s word that she would, Helena left the house, her mind in termoil. suggestions anyone?!?!?!
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Brokenhearts
Rank 15 (On Angie's Level)
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Post by Brokenhearts on Apr 16, 2007 12:37:46 GMT -5
next bit She sat alone in her usual cubicle, glancing at her watch. The analog clock showed that it was seven fifteen. Helena sighed and stirred her coffee, beginning to wander if Alexander Van Helsing would show. She knew very well it was her own fault that she was early, the only reason she was still sitting theire fifteen minutes later was her own curiosity. “Hey baby,” said a low sleezey voice. Helena didn’t even look up. “No you haven’t seen me somewhere before. Yes I’m certain. Please leave me alone. I’m wait for someone.” She took a sip of her coffee, and continued to stare straight in ahead. As much as she loved Rookie, she tended not to enjoy the company of a few of the punters. “Oh sure. Sweetheart, you’ve been sitting there for longer than I’ve been here.” Helena was becoming increasingly confused and she was in absolutely no mood to commicate with too many people just then. “Face it- who ever he is, he isn’t going to show. Why don’t you just come have a little fun with m-” “Oh, baby I am so sorry I’m late,” came a much more familliar voice. Helena looked up sharply, meeting the green eyes of Alec, who looked immensely apologetic, “I got caught up in a meeting. I came as soon as I could…” he trailed off looking at the man who had just tried to chat Helena up. “Excuse me,” he said coldly, “what do you want?” “N- n- nothing,” stammered the man, evidently not sure what to say to Alec. “Honey, was this man bothering you?” asked Alec, without taking his glare away from the stranger for a moment. Helena looked from Alec to the man and back again. She smirked. “No, darling,” she replied casually, going along with what Alec had started, “he was just about to leave.” “Hummm…” mused Alec as the man nodded energetically, then walked away shaking his head. As he sat at the bar, the bar tender came over and told the man very loudly that he had told him so. The bar tender looked up at Helena and grinned before turning his attention back to the man asking him what he wanted to drink. “You ok?” asked Alec, coming in to sit next to her. “Oh I’m brilliant!” stated Helena sarcastically, “that was about the fifth one this evening! No wander not too many women come here… they’re all horny bastards here…” She had insulted Rookie… she truly was in a bad mood. “But I’m only about ten minutes late…” mumbled Alec, actually looking rather a shamed of himself. Helena sighed. “Yeah I know…” she shook her head. “Anyway- aren’t we going ‘werewolf’ hunting or something?” Alec smirked and got up holding his hand out to Helena. “That we are…” Studying his face, Helena put out her hand which Alec almost snatched, and pulled her out of her seat. Helena chuckled slightly. “Well… that’s one way of doing it,” she muttered, rolling her eyes, allowing Alec to lead her out of the bar and into the cool evening breeze.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 19, 2007 4:42:53 GMT -5
ok first impressions. Only read the italics bit and like 10 lines after it, but the sentences are all minor sentences and it all seems a bit disjointed. It needs a bit more flow to it.
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Brokenhearts
Rank 15 (On Angie's Level)
Beware, all ye who talk 2 me
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Post by Brokenhearts on Apr 20, 2007 11:33:10 GMT -5
alrite thankies shumgs ;D
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