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Post by The Observer on Oct 8, 2006 22:56:51 GMT -5
Ok, I hope this doesn’t sound selfish, but I really don't feel like posting all my poetry and all on different threads. It's really just a whole lot of work for poems that may or may not be read depending on the whim of the people who are browsing. So I'll just post poems on one thread. To be either ignored all at once or to always be found easily. Feel free to comment on any poem here. Even if I've posted other poems after them and it seems the conversation has moved on, feel free to mention old stuff.
To begin with I'll just post a few. But the cool thing about having so many poems (last count between 50 and 80) is that I have one for almost every mood or whim. So if there is a theme you are looking for, or you're feeling especially down and would like a happy poem to cheer you or a sad poem to commiserate with just tell me and I will try to post one. If I don't have one to fit the occasion, I'll write one (I can improv poetry too, not always as good, but occasionally its really cool). Also, almost all of my poems have a hidden story or deep metaphor. If you have a guess or want to know the story, please just ask
So, what should I post first...lets see...of course! My signature poem. This is appropriate in that it was possibly the first poem I printed way back in 2003 I think in the old Guild.
Silent Halls
Once again I'm all alone In silent halls echoing Of long-forgotten tree and bone Of long-neglected sapling Once again I hear the song The sound that few will ever hear Once again I see the throne Of the dethroned crown-wearer Once again I see the castle The kingdom of beauty, Of forgotten lore Once again I leave this place And in silence, lock the door.
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Post by The Observer on Oct 8, 2006 23:13:19 GMT -5
Ok, now that i look at it, I see that that was not the best example of my poetry. It's too old. Here's something a little newer and (hopefully) better:
The cricket cries softly in the pale moonlight and a heron lifts her wings Silently entreating the stars to shine brighter
A gentle breeze softly entices The grasses to whisper the secrets of night
The waters lie still like frozen steel An unmoving testament perfection through peace
The lonely cry of a distant heart Sounds out But is deaf to all answers
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Post by Denithar on Oct 8, 2006 23:25:48 GMT -5
*Yawns* sleepy piece. Very sweet.
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Post by The Observer on Oct 8, 2006 23:27:46 GMT -5
I think its sleepiness is enhanced by the fact that it is 12:30AM. It's actually a slightly dark poem at the end, but you're right, the body is very calm and lofty with a gentle rippling rythum like the lull of dark waters in the moonlight... Dang it! I'm still in poetry mode!
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Post by Denithar on Oct 8, 2006 23:35:17 GMT -5
Yes, you're right, I do see the darker bit, and yes I'm falling asleep at my desk so that does make a difference.
Observer sent this to me and told me to post it if I liked it. And I do.
.........................................................................................
It is titled "All Hearts" and was actually written as an improv poem for someone who was feeling particuarly depressed in that area.
Ahhh, the splendid flower that is romance Untamed in its uncertainty Immortal in its hope Revealing in its calamity That it brings with every stoke
For true love lives forever Unreturned love wishes to die And some there are loved never But all heats for love do pine
The question lies in every heart Burning from the depth of soul If love revealed shall make us part Is it best not to love at all
But soon the love grows beyond control Taking master of heart and will Love will surly make itself known And desperately hope to be fulfilled
But for some that hope is lost And unloved, lovers are turned away A heavy burden, the greatest cost Is paid by love not meant to stay
Yet for the few, that glorious few With hope fulfilled and love returned There begins a life anew innocent joy shall soon be learned
For true love lives forever Unreturned love wishes to die And some there are loved never But all heats for love do pine
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Post by Emily on Oct 9, 2006 4:39:02 GMT -5
I like your work Observer, it's well written and I like the style, but alas! I cannot comment on improvements because I found nothing to critique - T'was all too good...
Goodness what is wrong with me? I'm speaking gibberish. Nice Work ^-^
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Post by Elasticband on Oct 9, 2006 14:00:02 GMT -5
I like the first one the most. It reminds me of the old guild, since it's nearly always empty. And like Fallen I can't think of anything to criticize (which happens far too often - I'm no good at reviewing).
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Post by The Observer on Oct 9, 2006 16:57:03 GMT -5
hey, thats just fine. I just love hear what people think of my work. If you have suggestion, fine, but I get greater enjoyment out of simply hearing how a piece makes you feel. The internet is the only place I ever post my work, so its my only chance to see what people think of it.
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Post by johnsapphire on Oct 9, 2006 18:19:14 GMT -5
I think you have potential to become a satisfactory poet, yet as of now I am of the opinion that your work is...muddled to say the least. Your form is far better than a lot of the crap I've read, but you ought to look for a form outside of four-line stanzas. I use, as ever, The Ballad of Reading Gaol as my example. Your rhymes are oftentimes imperfect, which is really a pet-peeve of mine "will/fulfilled", "die/pine" "soul/all" etc. etc. and that second poem, untitled, ought to use (if you abandoned rhyme) blank verse. And if you don't know what that is, look it up.
I could say a lot more, but a) you get the idea and b) I have 1) books 2) libretti 3) articles and 4) poems that demand my attention.
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Post by The Observer on Oct 9, 2006 18:39:16 GMT -5
Ahhh..I see we have someone who speaks academically. That is a pleasent change to the majority of responses one finds on the web. I do appriciate it when people just give me emotional response, but a more precise review is also good.
Yes, I agree. I should either expand or try some blank verse. And I understand your aversion to imperfect rhymes. As mentioned before, that particular poem was an improv poem I did several years ago, the idea is to make it as fast as possible and that often results in weaker rhymes. Thank you for your criticism, I will try to take it to heart.
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Post by Emily on Oct 9, 2006 18:46:04 GMT -5
I am now absolutely terrified of writing any form of my poetry on the web right now --
Anyway, I'm not going to post anymore on your threads, Observer, because I can't really provide much help >.<
Sorry and... um.. Thanks?
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Post by The Observer on Oct 9, 2006 18:53:42 GMT -5
wait WAIT! why are you going?! Why are you terrified of posting poetry on the internet? And (most importantly) why do you think that you should apologize? I don't care if a person's response is academic or emotional, if it is a review or a response. One feeds the mind and the other feeds the heart. Any good writer needs both. John Sapphire seems to have the academic market cornered (althouhg I always welcome suggestions) but I can never hear enough about what people think about my work. please, please, PLEASE don't stop posting on my threads.
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Post by Emily on Oct 9, 2006 19:00:22 GMT -5
I guess... I'm more of a happy go lucky person when it comes to anything creative. I don't take any of it seriously, not even my artwork, which I adore. I never take much time on my poetry, I'll write it, ajust it, and if it seems to flow I'll be content, but I never spend too long perfecting any of it. I guess I thinkt that because I don't have much experience, from a writer's point of view, on critiquing a piece of poetry - I don't understand enough about them to provide a clear and helpful review. The most I can do is admire most of them, and possibly offer a tip or two, but I never spend too long, because I don't study them closely enough, or work with them often. I stick to artwork and story writing But. The reason why I'm afraid of posting my poetry on the internet, is because of the people who take poetry etc very seriously, and critique it harshly (I'm all up for constructive criticism, of any form) and make you ajust the whole thing again, so it is perfect, but loses its original charm or characteristic. Anyway, Life story over ;D
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Post by The Observer on Oct 9, 2006 19:10:45 GMT -5
I understand completely. I am very much the same way, I do art for the feeling and the relief it brings me from my emotions. Often I only do a single draft on my poems (I may redo stories a few more times). But I have also been gifted with understanding academic lingo, so I can appriciate a literary critique and always try to use it to better my work if I can. But you're still right. It is the message that comes before form in poetry.
Art, be it poetry or writing, or visual, is an interesting thing. There is the idea itself and then there is the expression of the idea. It is not enoguh to have a profound, ingenius thouhgt, one must be able to translate it so that other people can see your work and then share your same ingenius thouhgt. It is also not enough to be great at transmitting thouhgts, one must have worthy thouhgts to translate.
That is why I like literary critique at times. It is emotional responses to my work that helps me come up with new ideas, but literary critiques are necessary to become better at transmitting those ideas.
If you ever start a thread with your poetry, I would be happy to give my thouhgts on it, and I promise to keep it lighthearted, goodspirited, useful, and not overly critical. I hope to read some of your work sometime.
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Post by johnsapphire on Oct 9, 2006 20:22:29 GMT -5
That is why I like literary critique at times. It is emotional responses to my work that helps me come up with new ideas, but literary critiques are necessary to become better at transmitting those ideas. The first bit about emotional responses: somebody says "I was deeply moved" leads to your saying "I think I shall write a poem about butterflies"? It makes little sense. Emotional reviews are, in my utmost opinion, cheap ways to quickly get your point across without resorting to classical literary criticism and its many devices. I, naturally, take the latter. And take my signature seriously. The bit about my play. And don't forget my poem "the forty days of Lent". That's good too.
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